I enjoy your talking and listen to every sweet word. It is as if I had my ears closed to you for too long and the sound of your voice tantalizes me. After our deeply satisfying hug, you place me at our get to know one another again table. I hold both of your hands and swim in your undivided attention.
"I love you and Ana so much too! Love? ...Dear love. I learned something today, about me, about us, about my feelings.
I spoke to Qotal.
The animal inside me did not go away, not with the Druids, not with your healing and not even with the Temple priest. It was always there and it is part of me. It is the base animal we all are without our tilonis. You are right not to recognize it. I have controlled it and civilized it, but I draw upon it to smite my enemies and protect you from harm.
What is gone is the curse mark. Qotal explained its nature. It separates the animal from the tiloni, like I had split my memories of Kalu and Sune. That's what the viperhand does, and how humans can be transformed into beasts and monsters. The hag must not have been too powerful, or your love must have interfered, because the viperhand mark did not transform me. Only when you tried to heal my tiloni, did it have the resistance to cut me off from my love of you. I am so sorry for what I did to you. I didn't even see what I was doing. It was like a lycantropy that turned me into that beast who craved sex and procreation without love and empathy.
But that is where I understood Qotal in me, dear love. He showed me who I really was and how I control the beast. I won't ever let the beast come out without controlling it. This is my word. My oath with you is sancrasent.
When I love you, I access my divine self. I become Qotal, the Peace Maker. When I love you, I see Kiltzi in you. Qotal and Kiltzi use us as avatars but we become like them in love. I do not know if we are so unique in being their only avatars, but we are probably the most aware. Uhti showed you. And this priest showed me. I now see them even as I look into your eyes right now.
I am Qotal. You are Kiltzi. I knew to say that to Father, because he understands that too. He wanted me to marry an acolyte of Kiltzi in the hopes that I would marry Kiltzi. He was wrong. She was self centered and could not see Kiltzi in herself. You can and She is estatic. She can ascend in you, Kitty. Maybe Qotal can ascend in me. But you know what? That isn't even important to any of us. They, as well as us, only care about the love and the peace, about creating a perfect being like Ana." I reach across the table to kiss you, but I am not finished.
"Love? I only become divine in loving you. I am here for you. I protect you. I am your man. My jokes may not be divine, but my love is. I bow to your intelligence and your caring and your wit, but I can only be yours and only yours. In this way, we are divine and we can do great things. I want you to be the divine self you know you can be, too.
The Qotal in me loves the Kiltzi in you. More importantly, the Duke in me loves the Kitty in you. Our base animals may not love, but even foxes care for their young and protect each other and feed each other. I am your fox as well as your Fox Knight. I never understood why you gave me an orange feather. Now I know. The orange feather you gave me is the color of the dire red fox that protects you. Now that I know what Qotal has shown me, I will never let it hurt you ever again. I love and protect you with every part of my animal instincts, as well as my tiloni, my tiloni mate, my love.
There is only a moment's pause between us as I reach over half way at the table to kiss you. You meet my kiss. Our hands move up our arms to hold each other close. I marry you with my heart and tiloni.
