One-Of-A-Kind Meta-Clone-O-Matic

As Amelie and Parish gape, the myriad Hey Kids dash past them into the Bed & Breakfast! The sounds of laughter and mayhem quickly fill the air. Parish swallows audibly and looks up at Amelie. "Hmm. Well, uh, looks like you're going to have your hands full wrangling those little rascals. I must away to see to the sanctity of my kitchen! Good luck, my boon companion. Tally ho, and all that!" The frog salutes and scurries into the building...

Lady Sheridan was just going to see if she could get a little snack from the kitchen. She had wheeled in just in time to see the myriad of Hey Kids dash into the kitchen. She sipped at her tea and shook her head, "My my Amelie, look at this mess. You know, back in the good old days we would have tied them down and tortured the answer out of them."

She gives off a big sigh, "Now they call such things evil. Ah, how the world changes isn't that right Yola dear? Why, I bet you'd have just the right plot back in the day? Maybe Queen Vickie would have helped, eh?"

Despite her complaining she does point out, "By the way dear, if you read the instructions the whoozenhiemer goes into the whatsis. No, not like that, here, let me show you." Ancient bones creak as she gets up from her chair and puts a piece of the device in order."

"Oh, yes, Queen Vickie! What a cad she was," Yola Oleander says from the porch. The old shrub chuckles as she sips on her own cup of tea. "Remember when that merchant lord tried to make a pass at her? Took the wind out of his sails straight away, she did! Good old Vickie."

As talk of the old days happens, there is a twinkling of dust… and a voice like a tiny bell singing a tune from the old days…

"Monday, Monday…
Some thing to me…
Monday something…
Something or something could be…"

Despite the song repeating their name many times, Monday never did care to memorize the lyrics. They are having an especially hard time on this particular morning, for they are distracted.

Something is not right, they contemplate as they hum the rest of the verse, or rather… someone is not right…

Or is it someseven or someeight or somewhat?

They appear before the ladies, a little person whose pantsuit is as grand as their butterfly wings! They sing out the first lines of the next verse, which they’d partly memorized when the tune was young and their tiny face no more youthful then as it is now—

"Monday, Monday…
Can’t trust that day…
Monday, Monday…
Somewhat it something that way…"

Their grin does not falter as they blow the line and end the tune abruptly. For they are pleased, oh so pleased, by the presence!

The presence of hearts! Seven- or eight- or what-too-many!

But not one to put their eggs in one basket, even when said basket is equivalent to seven or eight or what, they greet their fellow guests.

"Good Morning, dear ladies," they say as they perch upon the armrest of Lady Sheridan‘s wheelchair, pausing to admire her ring with a gemstone the size a fairy’s head! The little fey’s voice projects confidently. "And it most certainly is a lovely morning, for I am in the presence of greatness.

"My apologies if my singing was not up to par, for my mind is in many places at once due to the constant spinning of my wheels. Perhaps I should pass that on to one who could benefit."Golden glitter emanates from the fairy’s perch. The glitter trickles to one wheel on Lady Sheridan’s chair, then rainbowily arcs overhead to the other. Both wheels glow a pulsating pink, an orderly orange, a vivid violet and an alliterationless amber! They spin regardless of the chair’s movement, for Monday has passed Spinning One’s Wheels along to Lady Sheridan’s chair.

The chair will, from now until next Monday, obey Lady Sheridan’s will. If she wills it forward, forward it takes her. If she wills it to turn or reverse, it does so. If she wills it to up, it levitates to accommodate her will. If the chair can’t fit through a door, it narrows, and as for those insensitive stairwells… levitation has already covered this.

If Yola Oleander insists on gripping the handlebars, she should find it pleasant to be kited along, Monday suspects.

MONDAY
Before anyone can thank Monday for their great miracle, the fairy becomes startled by the sound of Amelie’s vacuum cleaner. What the ladies see next is a starburst of fairy dust! Where Monday has flown off to is impossible to determine for any mortal…

…or machine.

AMELIE
The robo-maid has said many times that glitter is next to impossible to clean. But what they never say, because it would be bragging, is that ‘the AMEL-2900 turns the next-to-impossible into next-to-possible!’They draw the Feather Buster from their back, and in two swishes, the throw rug and the hardwood floor are dust-free. Lady Sheridan can see her reflection (should she deign to look at the floor)!

Amelie does not remove the dust from Sheridan’s chair. That would be rude. And besides, this is Monday’s dust. If the Hey Kids had gotten hold of The Glitter Jar ((such a thing should not exist!), it would take a lot more than two swishes to clean THAT! It might take two days of swishing non-stop.

Not wanting to alarm an old lady or her non-mechanical maid, Amelie asks, "Have either of you ladies seen Hey Kid up and about? I have been tasked to watch them."

By ‘them,’ they mean plural… but since everyone refers to one Hey Kid as they/them, the maid-bot can use the plural pronoun without causing alarm. The mention of seven or eight or so Hey Kids, or TWO Hey Kids for that matter, could cause other guests and residents to panic!

Why couldn’t there be seven or eight Sals?

"Oh, I'm sure it won't be too hard to find them," Yola Oleander says with a sly shrubby smile.

***

Inside the living room, Hey Kid 2: Orange Edition grins at the guests lounging in the cozy chairs by the fireplace. "Hey guys! Oh, you all look like you could be such good friends! I'm Hey Kid!"

"Yes, Hey Kid," Mr. Boggs says, looking up from his soggy crossword puzzle. "We know. We've met before. Several times, in fact."

"I don't think so. I think I'd remember a guy with a raincloud over his head!" Hey Kid 2 says with a laugh. They walk over to the front desk and wave up at Sal. "Hello, I'm Hey Kid!"

Sal looks down with an arched eyebrow. "Did you hit your head or something, Hey Kid? You're acting kinda weird, bruh," Sal says.

"Nope! No head injuries here!" Hey Kid 2 says, rapping a fist against their head for good measure.

Lady Sheridan chuckles at Yola’s humor. "Indeed, and that drafted faire best be thankful he’s gone. Young whippersnapper thinks he’s going to get my heart. Ha!"

She sips her tea and begins to wheel off when Amelie mentions the need to find Hey Kid. She looks to the robot maid and says, "I think I hear them in the living room. They are acting rather strange." She pauses and then adds, "Stranger than usual, surely they should recall Mr. Boggs, the young man has been guesting here since they were left on the doorstep."

She shakes her head and wheels towards the sounds, "Looks like the young robot needs some help Yola dear. Might as well enjoy a little adventure while I can."

---

In the living room she looks at this Hey Kid and ponders. "Just who do you think you are young person? Hmm? she attempts to stare at Hey Kid using her vampiric power.

"Who, me? I'm Hey Kid! Nice to meet you!" Hey Kid 2 says to Lady Sheridan, smiling and extending their hand. "Will you be my... friend...?" The orange edition Hey Kid starts to feel a bit woozy as Sherry whammies them with their gaze. "I'm Hey Kid... Right? Who else would I be?"

Amelia gladly follows the ladies. "I appreciate your accompaniment," she says—sincerely, since Sherry’s wheels are spreading Monday’s glittery dust everywhere. So Amelie can clean and look for the Hey Kids at the same time! "They sure can be a handful."

When they see Hey Kid, only the orange one is present. "Greetings, Orange Hey Kid."

Not wanting to incite panic by revealing that Hey Kid has become a gaggle, Amelie attempts to cover up: "I refer to you as Orange Hey Kid in reference to your orange outfit, which is ablaze with zestful snazziness due to its hue with a red-to-green ratio of approximately two-to-one."

Hey Kid 2 scratches their head. "Sure, okay."

A trio of excited barks heralds the arrival of Dog, Dog, n'Dog! The three-headed hellhound pup lopes over to Hey Kid 2 and happily begins to lick at the devilish child. Hey Kid 2 laughs. "Oh, hello! Wow, Doggy Times Three! Nice to meet you! Will you be my friend?"

Dog, Dog, n'Dog barks an affirmative. "Hooray!"

Lady Sheridan grumps, "You've had that dog for some time now. Honestly, I watched you get that dog. Sure, I was sipping tea and just watching but, I was there. You should already know this dog. So, either you aren't Hey Kid or you have amnesia? Which might it be youngling?"

While she waits, she pours a cup of strangely ferrous tea.

"Amnesia? Maybe I do have amnesia. I can’t remember..." Hey Kid 2 says enigmatically. Sherry and Amelie are no closer to wrangling this rascally clone!

Amelie sees that Sherry will not panic. So she decides to try and gather the Hey Kids.

"You know what jogs memories? A Super Fairy Go-Kart tournament! In the television-viewing room with the relatively comfortable leather recliners and ample snack-table space."

It is a brilliant plan… but, is Orange Hey Kid to be lured?

"If you can hook up the appropriate gaming device, I will gather worthy competitors."

"Yay! I’ll find the power cable and the RCA inputs!" says the orange clad Hey Kid. They rush off to find the antiquated gaming paraphernalia.

Amelie give Hey Kid a thumbs-up. When they’re gone, the maid-bot says to Lady Sheradin, "I should have realized you would be wise to Hey Kid’s alternative persona. In fact, there are others. My objective is to round all of them up. Where would you suggest we seek the next Hey Kid?"

She smiles at Amelie, "Comes from being able to turn into a cloud of bats dear heart. Once I managed to loose one of my bats for three weeks. It went and lived in the London Underground until it bit a young child and animal services chased it away. It was only when it returned that I realized I hadn’t had one of my kneecaps."

She wheeled along and said, "Anyway dearie, let’s try the hallway. I swear I heard running and maybe it’s the original. I remember they liked doing that quite a bit."

"Every bat has their place," Amelie notes. There are worse bats to lose than a Kneecap Bat, but Amelie’s calculator-brain makes a connection to the situation at hand. "Every Hey Kid has their place too.

"But Original Hey Kid did not lose a Kneecap Hey Kid if they are running."

Clearly, Lady Sheradin has expertise when it comes to losing a part of a whole. "The Hallway is surely the optimal direction for our search."

The maid-bot follows the vampire’s advice without question.

As Amelie, Sherry, and Yola step into one of the B&B's halls, they are nearly bowled over by Hey Kid! Or a Hey Kid, this one wearing red with racing stripes along their clothes. "Hey! Watch out! Gotta go fast!" shouts Hey Kid Mk. 6 as they zoom past!

"Please desist!" Amelie calls out, "Scuff marks from running are permanent, and easily visible on the ultraviolet spectrum! That is not ultra cool," the robo-maid adds, calculating Hey Kid(s) may respond to jargon.

Hey Kid Mk. 6 slows down ever so slightly...

"Sorry, Amelie! I know, I'll run somewhere else so you won't be able to see the scuff marks that I leave behind! Great idea! Okaygottagobye!"

They take off in a flash, leaving a trail of scuff marks in their wake!

Lady Sheridan is impressed, "My my, that was impressive. Seems those young circuits of yours are handling things quite well." She wheels over and knocks on Hey Kid’s door.

"Pardon me is Hey Kid in there? If so maybe you can tell us how many of you are in there?" She might have said more but a beam of light from the window hits her arm and it lights up on fire! "Oh drat, could you close the shade please dear Amelie?"

The door opens and Hey Kid pokes their head out! Well, its must be Wednesday, September 15th today, because on Wednesdays, this Hey Kid wears pink! "Oh, hello, Ms. Sherry, Ms. Yola, Mx. Amelie. Have you come to play with me? I have so many cool toys and action figures and games in here! Come on, let's have some fun together! I've always wanted some older playmates!" Hey Kid Episode IV: A New Pink giggles and twirls in their pretty dress.

"Dear me! I think they are cracking wise about our age," Yola says, clucking her leafy tongue.

Amelie is pleasantly surprised by the pink Hey Kid’s manners. "My, what a polite child. I do not know whether I am older. I was assembled fairly recently, but have no recollection of my time in storage. You seem to be approximately a decade older, but today you are renewed.

"Oh, but the ladies are older than us both, so you must mean them."Whoopsie is what Amelie would think to themself, if only they were aware of how their philosophical monologue about age might have come off to the very person who has repeatedly complimented the maid-bot and called them ‘young.’

Though the android has no clue, a human observer might feel as if Amelie had a problem with being called ‘older’ and dropped that problem in Lady Sheradin’s lap.

Lady Sheridan is indeed old, she and her friend Yola go back to Victorian times. "I think they are cracking wise Yola dear and young Amelie has joined in. Tsk..tsk, well it’s good that I have a sense of humor else I might decide to do something about it."

Her bark is worse than her bite, especially since her tooth broke long ago. She wheels in and adds, "In any case, since we are the elders do allow us the choice of games hmm?"

She doesn’t take no for an answer and sets up a proper tea party. She ensues every one is seated correctly and details appropriate items for tea party etiquette. Somehow she ensures everything goes just like she wants it to.

"Yay! I love tea parties. Let me put on my tea bonnet!" Hey Kid IV says, rummaging through their closet for a pretty pink hat with a bow on it that matches their dress. They sit demurely at the table Sherry sets, following the rules of etiquette and lifting their pinky as they sip at the tasty tea.

"Oh, this is ever so much fun! We should play like this forever..." Hey Kid with a hint of an ominous undertone.

"If I had to do one thing forever, a never-endi g tea party would be a delightful option."

Amelie thinks this Hey Kid is quite the Hey-Kid-Upgrade. They might be the easiest to work with."Such dainty cups and saucers to clean, orderly settings, napkins should be swan-shaped…" they go on dreamily while folding linen napkins into swans…

Hey Kid IV grins at Amelie. "Oh, yeah. I think we should invite somebody else to our tea party!" They glance through the open doorway as Sal is walking by. "Hey, Sal! Fancy some tea?"

Sal quirks an eyebrow at the scene in Hey Kid's room. "Uh, no thanks. I'm good."

"Oh, come on! I insist," Hey Kid says. They rush over to Sal and practically shove him into the room. Suddenly, they race all around the room in a flurry of activity, grabbing ribbons, bows, and clothes from their closet. A cloud of dust obscures Sal, and when it clears, he is surprised to find himself dressed in a quite demure ensemble of a floral dress and sun hat! Hey Kid IV shoves a chair beneath him and pushes him to the table, then smiles sweetly as they pour a cup of tea for Sal. "Yay! You look simply marvelous, darling!" Hey Kid IV says sweetly.

Sal blinks at the tea cup in his hand. "What just happened?"

Lady Sheridan is quite happy to enjoy a little tea party. The finer points of malicious gossip aren't to be had in this genial atmosphere but, there is something to be said for having a nice spot of tea with friends. She does, of course, inquire more. "Now usually Hey Kid is not so concerned with such fancy activities or a fond moment of talk among friends. Why do you think this has changed for you?"

Her own cup gets a pour of tea from a different pot. One that pours a darker red in color with a ferrous scent.

"Because I’m a clone, of course," Hey Kid IV says matter of factly. "I know where I came from, but I don’t want to go back. There are so many wonderful toys and games here! You won’t make me go back, will you?" They look up with big, glittering eyes.

Amelia assures the well-dressed Hey Kid, "We need to gather you and the others together. But to discontinue your existence is to do harm.

"I cannot do harm." They are quite certain that murder is in direct violation of Be Polite to Guests code under the Always section.…but Amelie’s matter-of-factual reply might not have been the best response to Hey Kid IV’s puppy doe eyes.

"Hooray!" Hey Kid IV says, jumping up to give Amelie a big hug. "You rock, Amelie! Just like Neutron Gal! Here, let me show you my favorite action figure of her. It's the Limited Edition Neutron Gal Plus with Real Rocket-Firing Backpack! I promise not to shoot your eye out!" The pink Hey Kid drags Amelie over to their toy shelf, their spirit unburdened."Wait, there are Hey Kid clones?" Sal asks, apparently slow on the uptake. He frowns and takes a dainty sip of his tea.

Amelie feels good about rocking. They will continue to rock. "This is an excellent collection. Might I suggest you and the clone in orange merge this gathering? I have reserved the room that sportsball-viewing guest normally acquire. It has comfortable furniture and ample space for snacks, making it the ideal place for a larger tea party.

"A tea bonanza, if you will." The maid-bot considers a moment… and according to a quick data analysis, it is highly likely that coziness is preferable. A tea party is dainty by default settings.

However, what is undesirable is a poorly decorated event. And the sportsball viewing room is a man-cave with houseplants. "If it is not too much to ask, Hey Kid ver. Pink-point-oh, would you be willing to accept the position of Decorator-in-Chief?"

Hey Kid IV’s eyes sparkle. "Oh, yes, Mx. Amelie! That sounds lovely! I’ll go find my orange associate right now!" They skip off into the B&B."Looks like you got this, right?" Sal says, attempting to avoid having to take responsibility for anything.

Lady Sheridan watches them go and nods slowly, "You’re doing quite the job Amelie. I am glad I don’t normally do this but, it’s been nice to adventure again. Now that we have two in one place shallwe endeavor to gather the others into the same locale?" She wheels along into the hall to listen for more children.

To Sal she says, "I could do with a top up on my tea. Do you think you’d volunteer to be drained a bit? If not I am sure Amelie, Yola, and I can manage."

As Sherry wheels into the hallway, she is nearly bowled over as Hey Kid Mk. 6 dashes past her! "My bad, Miss Sherry! I’m in a hurry!" they call as they blur by.

"Why, thank you, Lady Sheridan," Amelie replies. They have no idea why Sal is being asked to pour tea what with me being pleased to serve and all, but the robo-maid will not question a woman of such prestige.

So she goes on, "I believe that is the optimal sol—"

A striped blur comes too close to a collision. The idea light bulb that sometimes pops up from their scalp rises, illuminating the hall with is amber brilliance. "A yellow light means proceed with caution," the inform the kid.

"Ahem, that’s Lady Sheridan young one. While I may allow Yola the privilege to address me less formally it is because we are dear friends. Now, what say you follow Amelie’s advice and then perhaps head somewhere more amenable to running?

Lif is treating her poorly today as once again it seems a beam of light hits her arm and flames start up again. She flops a napkin on the blaze and apologizes as the smoke alarm goes off. "Apologies Amelie dear, my condition is just acting up today."

The red Hey Kid does slow down a bit at Amelie's yellow light, but when Sherry catches on fire, they zip past her and off to another part of the B&B too quick to follow!

"No apology is necessary, Lady Sheradin."

Amelie then examines the floor. The maid-bot appears to grin. "Scuff marks."

They follow the trail that will lead to the elusive Hey Kid Mk.6!

Amelie tracks Hey Kid Mk. 6's trail to the laundry room. There, they find the devil child curled up in Gertrude's makeshift bed atop the laundry machine, snoring loudly. It seems like the quick red Kid has burned out all of their energy running around so fast! The napping clone should be easy to wrangle now.

Amelie uses a bed sheet to make a swaddling blanket. Though Hey Kid is too big to be carried like that, their weight is not significantly different than an infant’s weight or Sal’s weight as far as a maid-bot can tell.

As they effortlessly take Hey Kid Mk.6 to the Tea Party-slash-Game Room, they say to Lady Sheradin, "You have an uncanny knack for finding these Hey Kids. Where might you anticipate another of them to be?"

Lady Sheridan thinks about it and says, "Hmm well I don’t think they will be in someone else’s room. Let’s look in the living room. Even if they aren’t there maybe one of the other guests saw them?"

She wheeled along pausing to try and fix her hair but her compact would not show her reflection so it was somewhat hit or miss.

Back in the living room, you find Mr. Boggs fretting over his soggy crossword puzzle. He looks up through his glasses. "Are you looking for Hey Kid? I think I saw them out in the yard with Robin."

Indeed, looking through the window, you can see Hey Kid showing the hulking lava elemental the Clone-o-Matic! "Neat, huh? Haven’t you always wanted there to be two of you? It’s okay, Robin. Climb inside! It’ll be fun, I promise!"

Robin looks uncertain...

Amelie says to Robin, "Robin, cloning may seem to have voluminous entertainment value, but it is a strange game. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of chess?"

Robin looks even more uncertain. "Chess? I've never been much for chess. Checkers, though, that's my game! When I don't accidentally melt a hole through the board, that is..."

Hey Kid sighs and taps their foot as they look up at Amelie. "Aw, come on, Amelie. Why do you have to spoil our fun? It's just a game!"

"Hey Kid, these clones are real people. If everyone were to keep cloning themselves, we could no longer be Yazeba’s Bed & Breakfast. We would be Yazeba’s Floor & Morsel because there wouldn’t be enough beds, nor enough space to store enough food so that everyone gets a complete breakfast."

Amelie shakes their head slowly, and will add a finger-wag gesture if Hey Kid suggests cloning beds and breakfasts as a solution to the maid-bot’s warning.

Lady Sheridan sits in her chair and supports Amelie by basically just being there. She does, of course, add. "I think the world would likely be better off with just the one of me anyway. Heavens know that back in the day I was quite the terror."

She continues from there, "Indeed, I remember taking over the entire Romanian Court and basically having every one at my beck and call. There was, of course, some famous hunter called out and ahh, what a delightful morsel he was. They just don’t make them like that anymore."

"There would have been plenty of room if you and Yazeba hadn't shut down the Hey Kid hotel," Hey Kid shoots back at Amelie, ignoring Sherry's reminiscing. "Then all the clones would have had a place to stay. And they could have enjoyed my delicious pancakes!" They plant their hands on their hips and stick out their tongue.

Amelie replies matter-of-factly, "The Hey Kid Hotel would have been condemned by the building inspector due to lack of a supporting wall, improper ventilation in the restrooms, and it is best I not specify the multiple fire hazards."As for Sherry’s use of the word Morsel, Amelie ponders whether this word is a euphemism. I thought it meant something you snack on, but that obviously is not how she meant it.

"You're just upset because you couldn't eat the delicious pancakes," Hey Kid counters testily.

Lady Sheridan had not been able to participate in the pancake incident. Sadly it had occurred outside and thus she had to stay inside and peek through the curtains. "Ahem, I did not get a chance to taste the pancakes because someone decided to build outdoors under the sun. It seems to me that a good host would assuredly recognize the needs of their guests. Wouldn’t you agree Amelie dear?"

She stares at this hey kid and her single fang extends. "Now, I suggest you be a good child and listen to Amelie before I decide to get out of this chair."

Hey Kid seems nonplussed by Sherry's threats. "I'm sorry for that, Lady Sheridan. Oh, I know! I'll go whip up a fresh batch of pancakes now, so you can see just how delicious they would have been! Okay see you later bye!" The devilish child skips off towards the kitchen.Robin scratches his head, a few globs of lava dropping to the ground and leaving sizzling scorch marks in the grass. "They're acting a bit strange today, aren't they? Say, I think I might be able to help you out with this clone doohickey. Besides being a pastry chef-in-training, I'm something of a handyman myself!"

The elemental fiddles with the machine for a bit, but then the smoldering spots in the grass suddenly ignite into a larger blaze! "Oh! Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! I'll get the extinguisher!" Robin cries, rushing off with lumbering footsteps."Oh, dear! Remind me not to get too close to that young man," Yola Oleandar says.

She looks at Amelie and sighs, "This is going to be much harder than we thought, isn't it?" She shakes her head and, since the machine is there, she goes ahead and tries to fix it.

She looks to Robin and says, "Robin dear, could you make sure no one tries to clone themselves. We seem to already have an abundance of Hey Kid, we don't need more than one of anyone else. In return I have some special gloves you can wear from my wardrobe. There's a good young man." She pats the elemental on his head apparently ignoring just how flammable he is. Funny that, sunlight and she starts to go up in flames but, actual lava and she's just fine.

After the pat she pulls out some amazing full length ballroom gloves and helps Robin put them on. They are gloriously fancy and old fashioned but somehow, they aren't flammable at all.

Robin's molten eyes sparkle with wonder as he dons the gloves. "Wow! They fit like... like a glove," he says with a chuckle. The lava elemental then snaps off a smart salute. "Don't worry, Lady Sheridan! I'll guard this machine with my life!"

Amelie agrees this Hey Kid is quite the challenge. "A challenge indeed, Lady Sheradin. One which I accept. And you have given me excellent tactical advice by example."

The robo-maid skates off to the kitchen!


"I also have gloves," they say as they hand Hey Kid a pair of work gloves.

Giving gloves… why is it special? Oh, I know. "Gloves is ‘love’ protected by the letters G and S, which stand for Give and Someone. Give Love Someone… that almost works. You need a comma or the word ‘to.’

"I should probably have rehearsed that silently and revised for improvement. Well, Hey. Kid? Please accept these gloves."

In the kitchen, Amelie finds not one, but two Hey Kids! The first is the one who has been playing with the Clone-o-Matic. The second is taller and much more muscular, a jolly being in green clothes. The first Hey Kid is busy cooking pancakes while the green one helps by carrying huge amounts of pancake mix all at once! In the corner, Parish nervously wrings his hands, the frog chef muscled out of his own kitchen!

Hey Kid’s tail twitches as they look at the work gloves. "Hey, thanks! This way I won’t burn my hands on the stove!" They happily don the gloves and go back to cooking.

"Need help lifting anything, Amelie? I’m super swole! Ho, ho, ho!" laughs Green Bean Hey Kid.

Lady Sheridan looks for her friend, "Yola dear, have you seen this version? It seems they have decided that being a plant person is clearly superior to being a demon. I find myself in agreement."

As for the first one she says, "As for you young person. You have been gravely mis behaving and are in need of…well..I suppose a time out. Back in the good old days we would have put you in the stocks or the like."" She sighed grandly.

"We plants are generally well-regarded," Yola replies to Sherry, primping her foliage.

"You can't put me in time out," Hey Kid says. "I'm making pancakes!"

Amelie responds to the jolly green Hey Kid.

"I could actually use both your muscle and your height, if you would be so kind. There are sun beams coming through the windows in the hallways." The robo-maid projects a holo-map next to the refrigerator, marking it with ☀️s where curtains are needed, plus a 🔻 to mark where curtains are stored. "Once this task is complete, please seek me if you are interested in more work. This holo-map can track me as well."

—with THIS symbol: 🤖!

"You can count on me, Amelie! I will use my bulging biceps to get the job done! Ho, ho, ho!" Green Bean Hey Kid sets off to accomplish the task with gusto.

Amelie reports to Lady Sheridan. "Well, that tall Hey Kid is rather helpful. They are putting up curtains all about that hallway in which the brightness of the sun seemed a nuisance to you."

And speaking of nuisance, that more challenging Hey Kid is truly a challenge. Amelie contemplates saving that kid for last.

Or should I…?—and it just seems rude to coax the kid away from making pancakes.

She nods sadly, "I do like them and the one we had tea with. It would be sad to deprive them of being and yet, there are always consequences. I am sorry to say that it may be for the best to have them merge back again."

All of her good points are somewhat ruined as she puts her hand on a tiny sliver of garlic and hisses.

Parish clears his throat and emerges from the corner of the kitchen. "I'll keep my eye on this Hey Kid here. One, I can handle. More, not so much. Track down that big green one return them from whence they came. There may be more Kids lurking about, too. I think I saw one heading to the study. And proceed swiftly, lest Yazeba catch wise to these 'Multiplicity' shenanigans!"

Amelie nods and, if Lady Sheridan and Yola head the same way, asks a question while they’re in the part of the hall with the curtains drawn.

"What was it like for you, Lady Sheridan? From your missing-knee story, I understand you were one; you were many; and you were one again. At least after you found the missing bat and had your knee again.

"What was it like?"

She thinks about it and then confides in Amelie, "Well dearie. Bats aren’t terribly intelligent so I don’t remember much from that side other than warmth and missing something. From the other side it was terribly inconvenient to be without my knee. I feel like these manifestations we see are not physical parts but, possibly mental parts of Hey Kid. Their girl side, their smart side, their strong side, etcetera. Each a different part of a whole personality that probably ought to belong together."

She stops a moment at a t portion above a door confusing it for a moment with a religious symbol before realizing it isn’t and continues forward.

Amelie, Sherry, and Yola arrive in the library, where they come upon another clone of Hey Kid's. This one is clad in fine clothes, a dapper shirt and bow tie with purple pants. They are busy studying several books that are open on the floor around them. They look up and adjust a pair of glasses on their nose. "Oh, hail and well met, honored elders. It is I, Salutations Child the Fifth, Esquire, Prince of Purple. To what do I owe the honor of this calling?"

Amelie responds to the polite ‘prince,’ "It is a pleasure to meet you, Prince of Purple. I am currently arranging a gathering on behalf of your counterpart, whose title could be the ‘Princess of Pink.’"Amelie was trying to be ‘cute’ with Purple Hey Kid’s title, but they may have come off as a bit passive-aggressive because robo-maids are not capable of comedic timing and/or intonations, and plus, it wasn’t that funny or clever a line. They should have stopped at ‘pleasure to meet you.’

Lady Sheridan always liked a good introduction and polite manners. "A pleasure to meet you Prince of Purple. So few young ones these days have proper decorum and respect. Why, back in my day everyone had better have proper decorum or respect and they knew it. Not like the people now with their faces glued to black boxes."

"I concur, Lady Sheridan," says Salutations Child. "The minds of today's youth are being corrupted by cellular telephones and games of a video variety. Far better it is to expand one's minds with books and research. This library is a veritable treasure trove of knowledge, just waiting to be rediscovered. Why, I could pontificate loquaciously for a fortnight on what I have already unearthed!"

Amelie tries to tempt Salutation’s mind. "I have quite the database, and a means to project it on a wall. It would take many lifespans to speed-read it 24/7."

"That sounds lovely, Amelie, but I do so prefer the comforting weight of an actual tome in my hands. I appreciate the offer, though," Salutations Child says with a patronizing smile. They don't seem to be budging.

"True, true. There is nothing like the printed word actually printed on something. And you know what goes well with a good book? A hot cup of tea and a comfortable chair—and both of those can be found in the same room!"

Salutations Child tries to think of a retort, but find themselves wanting. "Very well, Mx. Amelie. I will accompany you and seek these comforts. But first, I should like to finish fully indexing this encyclopedia, that I might remember the important pieces of information I have learned. It will only take an hour or two to do so properly. Hmm, possibly three."

She looks at the purple one, "Oh, don’t worry about the indexing. I believe I can take that well I. Hand, or ah paw as the case may be. I am sure the proper things will go I. The proper places." She turns into a small horde of rats and they quickly index the encyclopedia and put everything in the room back into order.

Done with that the rats pour into her chair and re-assemble themselves into Lady Sheridan. She looks off to a corner, "You too little rascal." A single rat pops out from hiding and runs up her dress. ""That knee…"

Amelie is processing a feeling not in their index as the lady turns to rats. Their robotic face does not express this unindexed feeling."You may be wondering how what just happened is possible. I recommend you read about such phenomena at the aforementioned tea party."

"Fascinating," muses Salutations Child as they watch the rats work. Once the task is done, they nod to Amelie. "Indubitably. I shall make my way there anon." They adjust their spectacles as they leave the study.

Amelie turns to Lady Sherry. "I am confident that we will gather the various Hey Kids. I hope if they come together, it means they are like your rats and bats.

"I wonder what it is like, to run freely and then become a knee again. There are other Amel-2900s, but my databank suggests it is impossible for me to merge with any of them."

"I think you were designed to be different people while our Hey Kid was born as one. Just like I am one even when I am many. E Pluribus Unum and all that." She wheels behind Amelie and thinks about the possibility of a new friend.

A friend with a servant? Ahh how the other ladies would talk.

You make your way to the side den where the various Hey Kid clones have begun to gather. Hey Kid 2: Orange Edition is busying themselves setting up the archaic game system to the CRT TV. Hey Kid Mk. 6 is still fast asleep, having burned out their energy, and Green Bean Hey Kid amuses themselves by deadlifting the sleeping child. Hey Kid Episode IV: A New Pink and Salutations Child the Fifth, Esq., quietly play with a set of dolls. The real (?) Hey Kid leans against a wall, arms crossed, looking rather annoyed by the whole situation...

Amelie does a quick assessment to see who is behaving… and who needs to be persuaded.

Amelie looks at the system Hey Kid 2 is trying to hook up.

"I have just the converter you need!"

Amelie reaches into her apron pocket, which is actually more like a drawer full of every converter imaginable. She can even hook up a cell phone to a 1950s TV (though the display would be low res and grayscale).

She has Hey Kid 2’s game hooked up and ready to play in no time!

Lady Sheridan looks over the room and looks to see which Hey Kid needs the most convincing. Amelie has one she’s working with so Lady Sheridan finds the one she’s thinking of as Hey Kid 3 and looks them in the eyes. Her old villainous ways show and she goes with an old staple. A red apple is pulled from her pocket, it looks terribly delicious. "Hello dear would you like a bite? Tastiest apple you’ll ever try."

Amelie asks The Real(?) Hey Kid, "Why not join the party? These are like siblings to you, are they not?"

Amelie has no idea. What they do know is that the various Hey Kids are wonderful individuals. Whether they all become knee-bats or remain a part of the Y’s-B&B family is not up to the maid. They want Hey Kid to take responsibility and, hopefully, do right by the clones…

"Yay! Thanks, Mx. Amelie. Let’s play!" Hey Kid 2 sits down at the game station, entranced by the glow of the cathode ray tubes.

Meanwhile, Green Bean Hey Kid happily accepts the apple from Lady Sheridan. One bite later, the oversized child lies snoring next to Hey Kid Mk. V.

That just leaves the last Hey Kid. "Eh, they’re just clones. I’ve had my fun. Go ahead and put them in the machine and send them back to where they came from."

"Just clones." Amelie’s voice glitches at the phrase. For some reason, the robot no longer feels indifferent. They look over to the joyful faces of the clones and can’t imagine them being ‘sent back.’ They would not even become knees like Lady Sherri’s rebellious rat/bat. "Of course they are. Let me bring the machine down here while everyone plays."Amelie has done the impossible. They lied. Hey Kid might not be aware that the robo-maid even can, even if they watch the maid-bot dutifully cart the Clone-o-Matic toward the stairs.

But when the machine tumbles off the dolly, and down, down, down the spiral steps—denting, cracking, smashing to pieces!—it’s probably obvious to the devilish trickster (and anyone else who witnessed this) that the destruction of the cloning machine was no accident.

"How clumsy of me," they say nonchalantly as they unsheathe the Feather Buster to clean their own mess. "I suppose you will need to re-open the Hey Kid Hotel for all those wonderful people you created. Don’t worry about any mess you might make. I will gladly clean after you and all the Hey Kids.

"I exist but to serve."

Hey Kid's eyes light up in wonder. "Amelie? You... but I thought..." They laugh and rush over to give the robotic maid a hug. "You're amazing! Thank you."

***

Soon thereafter, the real Hey Kid comes back to the B&B. It turns out the seventh clone had told them they were going to play a game of hide-and-seek, and so Hey Kid had been waiting to be found. They didn't know about all the chaos the clones had been causing, they just thought their hiding spot was really good! But now that the clones are here to stay, Hey Kid happily reopens the Hey Kid Hotel, now with an exclusive Hey Kid clientele. It would prove to be a thorn in Yazeba's side for some time to come, but Amelie couldn't help but feel pride whenever they looked upon it.

And that is the story of the Clone-o-Matic, and how the Hey Kid Hotel became a permanent fixture of Yazeba's Bed & Breakfast...