Hey Kid Goes A-Guising

Amelie skates out of the supply closet, arms outstretched as they fumble about the B&B, wrapped in toilet paper.

⚠️WARNING! WHEN HANDLING THIS PARTICULAR BRAND OF TOILET PAPER, YOU MUST ADHERE TO THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS, WHICH INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING DIRECTIVE:

DO NOT SQUEEZE

Well, this was just ducky. Amelie’s fingers have a 2000 PSI grip. To simply adjust the toilet paper from covering their eyes would make squeezing imminent! They blindly fumble about until they are relatively certain Gertrude’s door is probably somewhat close.

"Gertrude? I dislike to be a bother, but might I request assistance?"

A hand slowly and sneakily grabs a pair of scissors from the office area of the bed and breakfast. A faint laughing can be heard. Hehehehehe

A closet door creaks open as another hand grabs a cold white sheet of fine linen from the top of a pile. Hehehehehe

Back in Hey Kid's room, the frantic sound of snipping echoes off the walls. Two small circles of fabric lay on the ground from where they have modified this soft sheet. Hey Kid dramatically tosses the sheet up in the air and lets it fall down over them. Their eyes can only barely be seen through the holes but their small horns underneath the top of the sheet are hard to miss. As is their tail, rising up from underneath the edge of the sheet to flit behind them.

"BOOO!" yells Hey Kid, lunging at themselves in the mirror, arms raised under the sheet. Hehehehehe

Plodding through the halls, a wobbly smile plasters on the large blob of grime while twirling around, spinning the long bright pink frills around her mass. Her hennin is a long cone with a cute veil hanging from the top and black lappets, replacing her signature big red ribbon. In her eyes, she looks like a beautiful princess! Adjusting to her dress beforehand, her reservations are squashed as her costume hasn't "slipped" inside of her yet. Yea, things are finally going swimmingly!

Passing by Hey Kid's room, Muckleby peers in to see the demonic child and giggles, "You make an great ghost, Hey Kid! Perfect for scares!"

The Moon Prince watches the others getting dressed up in their amazing costumes with bemusement. "Will somebody please confirm if I understand this strange Earthling ritual properly? You disguise yourselves as somebody you are not, then knock on strangers' doors and demand a tithe. If they are unable to pay, you vandalize their property with food and refuse. I do say, it is quite unlike any holiday we have on the Moon!"

Hey Kid runs past the chaperones, yelling BOOOO at them loudly and giggling. They run up to Princess Muckleby and say "OMG I am so excited! Trick or treating is the best! Which house should we go to first?" They see a house with amazing decorations like iridescent metal spiders and animatronic monsters. "Let's go to that one!" they yell. Without waiting for a reply, Hey Kid runs off ahead, so they get to the indicated house before anyone else. BINGO

This continues for a while, the group walking haltingly along. Hey Kid running and Princess Muckleby keeping up as best she can, as they collect treats in their candy bags. On one block, there is a dark house that doesn't seem to have any lights on and only has a faded metal pumpkin by the sidewalk. Where the light picks up again at the next house, the 2 guardians start to notice a recurring ghost lurking behind them. TRICK It is quite clearly focused on the 2 trick or treaters and looks nothing like Hey Kid's ghost costume even though it floats and billows along, following the group.

Amelie sees the ghost.

ECTOPLASMIC APPARITION DETECTED. PER PROTOCOL, CALL FOR ASSISTANCE IMMEDIATELY

"When there’s something strange in the neighborhood," the robo-maid whispers to Gertrude as they nonchalantly drop a vacuum canister onto the sidewalk, "who can you call?"

The maid-bot quick-draws a vacuum head from the scabbard on their back! Schlepp!—the ghost is quickly-and-quietly sucked into the vacuum head, down the hose, and trapped in the canister!

The canister is immediately disconnected from the hose. As the cylindrical minibot scurries out of sight, looking like an oversized hockey puck on a mission, Amelie sends directives:

CANNIE, GOTO GRAVEYARD. IF_THEN GHOST PROMISES TO BEHAVE, RELEASE GHOST; ELSE, CONTAIN UNTIL MIDNIGHT

With a floppy witch's hat on her head and a cloak tied around her usual oversized shirt and jeans, Gertrude walks alongside Amelie as they shadow the trio of trick-or-treaters. Not so long ago, Gertrude might have been among those eagerly beseeching candy from strangers, but she feels like she's been forced to do a lot of growing up in a short amount of time. Ah, for the bygone days of carefree youth!

But carefree doesn't necessarily mean safe. She spots the creepy ghost drifting along in Hey Kid's wake. "Oh! Uh, you've got this Amelie, right?" she asks. Seeing that the robot maid has a gadget close at hand, Gertrude chooses to help by keeping her mouth shut and staying out of the way. It wouldn't do to draw attention to the ghost and possibly cause Hey Kid to get scared before Amelie can contain the spirit!

---

Blissfully unaware of the ghostbusting behind them, the Moon Prince looks in Hey Kid's bag and sees the candy there. "Ah, how wonderful! May I give it a try next?"

Leaning on their cane, they walk up to the next house and proceed to pound on the door with their fist. "Trick or treat! Trick or treat!! TRICK OR TREAT!!!" they shout enthusiastically--perhaps too enthusiastically. Some of the other young people in costumes give them odd looks as they stand there battering the door again and again. "Oh! Am I doing it wrong?" they say, a flush coming to their cheeks. Fortunately, the bemused person behind the door opens up and drops a handful of candy into Moon Prince's bag. Amelie and Gertrude can see something out of place amid the rain of sweets, though.

Amelie replies, "There’s a 37.5% chance that you are. I think I have the solution." Amelie points their robotic hand to their lips. "Observe. Trick or treat! That is what you said to get the candy to be placed here." The hand points to the candy bag.

IND-X-RAY CAM ACTIVATED

Amelie uses their other hand to again point to their lips. "Again, observe: trick or treat? Note the difference."

SEARCHING . . .

⚠️DANGER FOUND! MILK DUD IS LIVE. EXPLOSION IMMINENT IN T-MINUS

‘Trick or treat!’ ‘Trick or treat?’ The latter is correctly phrased as an Or-Question."5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . .

ELECTROMAGNETIC RING FINGER ACTIVE

Amelie then ‘teaches’ The Moon Prince, "Exclamatories are best use for words and/or phrases such as ‘Look! Fireworks!’" They point to an explosion in the sky!

LAUNCH SUCCESSFUL. HAND CANNON RECHARGING

"What? Oh!" the Moon Prince says, looking up at the colorful detonation. "Pretty! I did not know that pyrotechnics were part of this holiday tradition as well!" Amelie is able to successfully remove the dangerous candy without them noticing.

---

Sludging through the streets with the others, Princess Muckley's squiggly smile widens as she looks up at the bright explosion in the sky. This night is shaping up to be a wonderful night! Looking over to her fellow trick-or-treaters, she let out a giddy giggle before speaking in a cheery tone, "Over here! That looks like that house has lots of great candies and it's so adorable!" Her face moves toward a large house with many cute Halloween decorations on its lawn. Hurrying over to the home (well, as fast as her blob mass could go), a small appendage from herself presses the doorbell.

However, Mucklbey's heart sinks once the door cracks open to see the disgust-ridden face of the resident. Despite this, she still puts on a big smile and holds up her bag. Just as she begins to say "Trick or-!", the door forcefully shuts. For a long moment, she is eerily quiet as the thin, faint blue line of her mouth wobbles downward. What did she do wrong? Was her costume really that bad?

Amelie watches the door get slammed in Muckleby’s face.

Their mind suddenly plays the AMEL-2900 jingle while picturing the advert…I AM DURABLE ENOUGH TO WITHSTAND THE IMPACT OF AN ONCOMING TRAIN; THEREFORE

Amelie speaks to Muckleby in a consoling tone. "I see this household is giving out candy; therefore, you were overlooked accidentally. I believe everyone deserves a second chance. Please allow me to accompany you."

Amelie subtly taps the screws to the door’s hinge. "That is not the doorbell." They tap another hinge-screw, finger rotating counterclockwise, but subtly. "That is not it either," they say as they tap another screw. "It is around here somewhere, I am sure." They eventually find the doorbell.

"Trick o—"

Predictably, the door opens, and upon seeing Muckleby, it SLAMS—

—only the impact knocks the door off its hinges and luckily for Muckleby, Amelie is in the way! The door cracks against maid-bot’s train-proof hull, flops overhead, and sticks into the lawn like a gravestone with a knob!

"Whoopsie," says Amelie to the homeowner. "As luck would have it, I am capable of reattaching and repairing your door in less than twenty-three-point-five seconds. In that time, you may fill the princess’ candy bag and contemplate gentler usage of your door."

Their eyes glow red as they speak to the owner, always watching as they carry the door to begin the <23.5-second repair job under the condition that Muckleby is treated, and treated well.

Gertrude's heart sinks as the door slams in Muckleby's face. She's felt the sting of rejection many times herself. It's not fair that the person inside reacted that way.

She quickly hurries to the globby girl's side. "Hey, are you okay? That was very rude. You don't deserve to be treated that way. You are a beautiful, strong, independent woman. And you look amazing in that costume! Let's go find a different house with some nicer people."

Gertrude reaches out to pat Muckleby on what she assumes might be the glob's shoulder. She frowns slightly as her hand sinks partially into the grimy mass of her body, but her mask hides her reaction.

---

As the group walks down the street, Hey Kid sees a house with fabric ghosts hanging from the trees and wooden ghosts sticking out of the lawn and stops abruptly. The sheet rises and falls as they take ragged breaths. "Grrr. They can't do that!" Hey Kid grumbles before stomping over to the house.Hey Kid starts kicking over wooden ghosts and pulls one out of the ground and starts swinging it at the ghosts hanging from trees. "That's not fair! I am supposed to be the spooky ghost! This dumb house stole my costume ! Grrrr! After destroying most of the yard decorations, they stomp up to the door and ring the bell. "This place better have some good candy!"A lady Minnie Mouse ears, a big bow, and a polka dot skirt opens the door. Still looking back into the house, she says "...stop pulling your brother's tail! I just finished sewing it back on! Now where did I leave the candy..." She looks up and sees the destroyed decorations. "I... Oh..." She is on the verge of giving up as her lip quivers, the sound of shouting and crying streaming out of the house.

Gertrude feels a pang of sympathy at the poor, stressed out mother's plight. She's got enough going on without having to deal with the aftermath of Hey Kid's tantrum.

The masked teenager nervously steps up to the door. "We're sorry about the mess, ma'am. Luckily, Amelie here is specialized at cleaning up messes. I'm sure they can fix this in no time.

"In the meantime, do you need some help with your kids' costumes? I kinda know how to sew. Maybe I can help make sure that tail stays on. Or I could tell your kids a spooky story and keep them bust for a bit so you can have a break. Whatever you need. I mean, if you want me to..."

Amelie takes Gertrude’s cue. "It would be my pleasure…""…in fact, with a little bit of my Ape Adhesive, I can set these decorations to appear as if they were an army of darkness that was defeated—"

DO NOT SAY "BY YOUR CHILDREN"

"—and are picking up their bones. And dismembered horn, in the case of this imp with the two-pronged pitchfo—oh! There is the third prong. It is not a tail. I will remove that."

Amelie puts on a structurally-sound finishing touch by spraying Serious String to replace the torn plastic spider webs.

"And I almost forgot—" They snuff out the flames in the Jack-o’-Lanterns and insert battery-powered tea candles. "—best to keep the fire hazards limited to birthday cakes in the formative years. Have a safe and happy Hallow’s Eve, children. And many more." To the oldest, "A few more in your case."

The Moon Prince has already continued up the street, leaning on their cane as they hold their basket of candy. "I think I am getting the hang of this tradition! It is quite exhilirating, isn't it?" They knock on the door, then hold their basket up to the person who answers. "May I have some candy, sir or madame? Pretty please?"As Moon Prince moves to rejoin the group, a group of kids in monster costumes approaches. "Cool costume! Who are you supposed to be?"

"I am the Prince of the Moon," Moon Prince replies nobly.

"Never heard of 'em! Anyway, come play with us!" One kid tosses them a can of Silly String.

"Hmm? What is this? Oh!" MP exclaims, accidentally squirting some on themself. "Ah! What an amusing substance!"

Soon, the prince finds themselves embroiled in a full-on Silly String Fight!

Princess Muckley's wobbly frown turns into a bright (equally wobbly) smile at Gertrude's words. "You're right! I'm a beautiful princess. And you all are wearing such great costumes. We'll go to where we are appreciated." The large pink frills around her mass twirl as she spins with joy.

The disgruntled resident conceded to Amelie's demand, handing the cheerful blob a bunch of candies in her basket (although they more or less tossed it in with a huff).

Amelie still has the Serious String in hand when the Moon Prince ‘does battle.’

"Use this as well. You will look like Johnny Two-Guns from A Hypothetical Wild West Movie."

If the Moon Prince uses Amelie’s Serious String, their opponents’ Silly String will be neutralized, ensuring a quick end to this potentially harmful absurdity while appearing to be a fair-and-square victory by the Prince.

"Don't worry, Moon Prince. I've got your back," Gertrude says, brandishing her own can of Silly String. What many people don't know is that Gertrude was an expert in the ancient arts of Silly String combat. She deftly dodges around the other kids' blasts of sticky goo and fires back at them, distracting them from Moon Prince and allowing them to hold their own in the fight.

All this silliness and excitement has Princess Muckleby let out delighted laughter. However, the bag of candy she was "holding" gingerly by her side slips within her blob-like mass, with some falling all around the giggling glob. Thankfully, she has yet to notice this minor mishap and maybe it'd be best if the bubbly blob doesn't realize it.

Gertrude quietly follows in Muckleby's wake, picking up the fallen candy one by one and holding it in her arms. She waits for an opportunity to surreptitiously drop it back into the oozy lady's bag once it emerges again from within her quivering mass.

Amelie helps with the distraction by helping Muckleby adjust her costume. "You see how those other children are stepping on their on ghostsheets and wearing their Wolverine and-or Deadpool masks perpendicularly to their faces?

"This will not happen to anyone from the B&B. Not on my watch."

Amelie tilts the tiara ever-so-SHLEPP!-slightly."There. Your tiara is angularly askew, thus achieving the optimal cuteness-regality balance."

"Oh!" Princess Muckleby's smile widens at Amelie, reaching up to touch her tiara lightly, wishing not to ruin her cuteness-regality balance. "Oh, this is so pretty. Thanks Amelie! Hey, look at my beautiful tiara, Gertrude!" And so, the cheerful blob remained unaware of the candy fiasco as she rambled happily.

Hey Kid is running and laughing down the street. They occasionally twirl in delight, the ghost sheet dancing about them. Tonight is so much fun! I wish it could last forever... They see a house that has an alien abduction themed decoration and skip up to the door on the well lit porch.

Hey Kid stops before knocking on the door. Being nice has seemed to pay off for the others tonight, so maybe they could give it a try. They shake out the sheet so it is draped flat over them and finally knock politely on the door. I hope I get so much candy for being nice The door opens and an older man dressed as a vampire looks out. "Trick or treat! Hey Kid says. The man smiles and drops a single piece of candy in Hey Kid's bag before turning to go. "Wait! Can I have some more candy? Pretty please!" they say, holding up their bag in front of them.The man sighs before turning back with the candy. He grabs a handful of mini chocolate bars and drops them into Hey Kid's treat bag. "Have a good night... and watch out for alien vampires" he says and laughs as he goes back inside, closing the door behind him.

Hey Kid is walking slower now, thinking about things. That man did give them more candy but was it really worth being nice? Is it better than just grabbing a handful and running? Are alien vampires real?? Lost in thought they turn at a corner onto a street with every single house dark and quiet. But wait... is that the sound of a forlorn flute wafting in the breeze?

Gertrude feels the hair on the back of her neck start to prickle as they near the dark street. The eerie flutes bring to mind all of the horror books she's read about alien beings from the darkness between the stars. Once, she might have discounted those tales as stories, but with Moon Prince's arrival, she knows that humanity is definitely not alone in the universe. And they say every story comes from a kernel of truth.

"Hey Kid! I think I saw some cool decorations down that way! Why don't we go there and check it out? I bet they've got good candy!" she says, doing her best to steer the oblivious child away from the ominous street...

Amelie plays off of Gertrude’s distraction.

"Yes, let us follow Gertrude. The flute noises are surely from people practicing their instruments for the Thanksgiving parade. You know how it is, what with humans having to practice skills instead of downloading them."

Amelie downloads musical talent.They play the vacuum cleaner musically, and say, "Come on, kiddos and kiddays. Let us march parade style behind Gertude, our color guardian! And anyone with a newspaper, refrigerator or bicycle tires spokes is encouraged to add to the musicality."

"Ah, such lovely flauting! It reminds me of the troubadours who would serenade the royal family as we drifted down the dry riverbeds on the Moon," the Moon Prince says with a sigh. They begin to dance lightly down the street, waltzing with their cane up to the next few doors and politely requesting candy.

Unfortunately, the Moon Prince forgets to take into account the higher gravity of the Earth. They stumble into a stoop and end up crashing into the front door, falling with a groan.The door opens, and an indignant man in a fancy suit peers down at Moon Prince disdainfully. "S-sorry. Um, trick or treat?" Moon Prince offers hopefully, holding up their bag.

The man sneers. "Ugh, what are those rags you are wearing? Your costume leaves much to be desired. Put a little more effort into it next time, clumsy child." He clucks his tongue.

The Moon Prince frowns, uncertain how to react.

Gertrude puts a hand on Moon Prince's shoulder. "Don't let those jerks get to you. They didn't give you a treat, so now you get to give them a trick." She opens her backpack and pulls out a carton of eggs. "Remember how I was a whiz with the Silly String? Well, I'm also really good at throwing eggs at mean people's houses, turns out. Wanna see?"

She chucks half of the eggs unerringly at the house, watching them splatter against the walls in a satisfying manner. They land in a precise pattern, the splatter making a shape similar to the mask Gertrude wears, with narrowed eyes and what looks like a tongue sticking out of the mouth! She chuckles darkly and hands the other eggs to Moon Prince.

Not wanting to undermine Gertrude’s effort but unable to contribute to a mess, Amelie simply says, "I will not be cleaning that."

"GLORIOUS RETRIBUTION!" laughs the Moon Prince as they lob the remaining eggs at the home, then limp away as fast as their cane will allow them. Once they are in the clear, they burst out into giggles. "Oh, that was a grand trick, Gertrude! Thank you!"

---

Hey Kid is pulled out of their reverie by Gertrude and then quickly picks up a pair of sticks to bang along with Amelie's vacuum concert.