Dec 7, 2015 11:44 pm
The day starts out like any ordinary day for your characters...
Julie Smatherson:
Julie has been sitting at home and reading her latest script re-write for the upcoming filming of the "Bondage, Love, and Chocolates" made-for-TV movie, "Bondage, Love, and Chocolates: The Made for TV Movie". The outcome is a bit disappointing to say the least. Ever since the backlash over Venus Stone's breaking of Sammy Breedlove's heart, fans' reaction to Smatherson's character has been rather lukewarm, if death threats and online vitriol thrown her direction can be called "lukewarm" as her agent seems to describe it. Smatherson notices that she's been given fewer lines than she normally gets... Heck, from what she can tell, she's been given fewer lines in this TV movie than she's normally given for the 10-minute webisodes she shoots once a month. There have also been rumors that Stone's character may be killed off soon if she can't sway the public's favor back in her character's direction; a near herculean task considering she hasn't any say in the writing. But today might just be her lucky day...
Answering the ringing phone, her agent Yuwanda Jobbs cuts her off before she can say "hello."
"Julie! How's my favorite superstar? Great, listen I don't have time to chat long, I've got things going on. So anyway, I've seen the latest BLCTMFTVM re-write and it doesn't look good... And I noticed that your sort of flagging in the viewer polls, and I think I have just the PR opportunity we need to 'get you back up there in that saddle there, lil' missy', HAHA! Yeah... So hear me out; it's this little PR thingy in a town called... let's see here... (you hear papers being riffled through)... Okay here it is! It's this little PR thingy in a town called Neato Falls. Sort of a little, 'kitchy', small town-ey, 'cutesy' sort of... hmmm... Well, okay listen Julie-baby, I have no idea where this place is... It's probably some backwoods crap-hole, but they're holding the grand opening of (papers rifling)... huh... Yeah, they're having the grand opening of their new 'landfill'... Oh... Huh! Umm... and there's no payment for this appearance either, it looks like. But wait; before you hang up, you might want to know that the good news is I guess there's a lot of housewives there that really liked your character before the whole 'BreedStone Breakup' debacle? And apparently the housewives in this town are pretty much carrying about 10% of 'Bondage's' ratings right now? So it might behoove you to go visit this little outhouse and get back in their good graces before the next script re-write is finalized, whaddaya say?"
Devin Michael Brandon
Devon is just finishing uploading his morning workout selfie to his high school alumni page when he gets a chirp on his laptop indicating an incoming video call from his boss at RIPT, Regional Supervisor Lift Bromanowsky. Lift never uses regular telephones, strictly video calls, and as Devin clicks on the window to answer it Lift sits before the camera shirtless (the unofficial uniform of all male RIPT employees), and using a towel to apparently either wipe sweat OFF his forehead or wipe oil ON his forehead. It's even possible he's wiping sweat OFF his oiled forehead... Lift doesn't wait for a "hello".
"Dee Bee! What's up, champ! Not much here... just got in my second set of gainz in for the morning, might have me a kale-and-proto breakfast, maybe sprinkle a little RIPT bonemeal on it for the fills, knowwhatimean? So listen, now that you mention it, just got word from the HQ! We a new product here for the RIPT line, figured to myself, 'Know what, Bromanowsky, you got just the man for the job'... That man is YOU, buddy!
"I'll send you the product info, but it basically boils down to this: Two bottles... LionShark for the dudes. Comes in this blue-labeled bottle... (He holds a bottle up to the camera). CougarShark for the chicks (he holds another bottle, this one with a pink label, up in front of the camera). Remember that, make a little newmatic device or something... Like 'Blue Dude; Pink Chi-' Uh, pink... Hmm.. 'Purple Gurple... See cuz Blue and Dude sound the same, and Purple is sorta like pink cuz they're both chick colors and 'gurple' sorta sounds like 'girl' cuz they both go 'Urrr'. Whetever, write it down or something, just don't screw it up, Dee Bee!
Now listen and pay attention closely Bro-ndon. The secret is both of them are the same product (he gives the camera a conspiratorial wink as one of his greasy pecs bounces in tandem. At last year's company Christmas party he'd declared that the "pec and wink" was his "thing" and he didn't want to see anyone else doing it during video calls.) Basically five thousand calories of lard and sugar. Wouldn't touch the stuff myself personally, but RIPT is looking to target the uneducated market, and that's why I'm sending you to some cow pasture called 'Neato Falls'. People there wouldn't know what a macro was if some stringbean spotter stuck it on the end of a barbell and forgot to put clamps on it and the sonofagun slid off and fell on their foot, HAHAHA!!!
Anyway, you know the drill champ. Just hand out samples give the regular schpiel: CougarShark for the chicks, 5000 calorie weight loss supplement, replaces every meal for a week, chicks get slammin' bods if taken as directed; make sure to point to the picture of the bro with the lab coat on the back.
"LionShark for the dudes, 5000 calorie mass-gainer supplement, drink one bottle before each workout, dudes get massive' gains if taken as directed; make sure to point to the picture of the bro with the lab coat on the back.
"As usual, you make a commish of 1C for every thousand units you move. They're having some sort of event this weekend, in this town. Probably a rodeo or somethin', I saw a lot of dirt on the website. Try and set up a booth near the news camera. You can do it DeeBee; you're my number one man! Out!"
He gives you the "pec and wink" and the window disappears before you can get a word in.
Evan the Starving Artist
Evan is wandering around the local Mal-Wart box store, brainstorming for an project. He's been in an inspirational funk lately. So far the best he's come up with is maybe some sort of interpretive dance protesting the capitalistic enterprise of box stores blah blah blah... It's only been a hundred times though. He's stewing in his frustrations, when standing near the electronics aisle a news article catches his attention on eight of the flat screen television sets before him. The male and female anchor are chatting and there are video scenes of what appears to be some sort of enormous mountain of trash in the corner of the screen. Looking around, Evan turns up one of the televisions and catches the end of the story:
HIM: -the final story, we bring you to the 115 year-old town of Neato Falls, where the citizens are about to celebrate the grand opening of their very first landfill!
HER: What? 115 years and no landfill? Haha, where have they been putting their garbage?
HIM: Apparently, for more than century they residents have been putting it in a big pile south of town, and waiting for wolves to eat it so that dung beetles could roll the feces away. However, wolves apparently don't eat garbage, so it's been sitting there stacking up. The town has spent 1 million C to officially declare an area north of the town as the Neato Falls Landfill and for the last fifteen years they've been collecting all the garbage from the enormous pile south of town and trucking to make a new pile north of town in the newly declared landfill.
HER: Oh, how neat! What will they do with the new pile now, Ron? Do they have plans to burn it or bury it?
HIM: The teleprompter doesn't say anything about further plans for the garbage, Becky!
HER: Oh, how neat!
Wheels start turning in Evan's head. He doesn't know exactly what he plans to do with a gigantic mountain of garbage, but with the prospect of a limitless supply of materials to work with, he has a feeling inspiration will eventually hit him.
Julie Smatherson:
Julie has been sitting at home and reading her latest script re-write for the upcoming filming of the "Bondage, Love, and Chocolates" made-for-TV movie, "Bondage, Love, and Chocolates: The Made for TV Movie". The outcome is a bit disappointing to say the least. Ever since the backlash over Venus Stone's breaking of Sammy Breedlove's heart, fans' reaction to Smatherson's character has been rather lukewarm, if death threats and online vitriol thrown her direction can be called "lukewarm" as her agent seems to describe it. Smatherson notices that she's been given fewer lines than she normally gets... Heck, from what she can tell, she's been given fewer lines in this TV movie than she's normally given for the 10-minute webisodes she shoots once a month. There have also been rumors that Stone's character may be killed off soon if she can't sway the public's favor back in her character's direction; a near herculean task considering she hasn't any say in the writing. But today might just be her lucky day...
Answering the ringing phone, her agent Yuwanda Jobbs cuts her off before she can say "hello."
"Julie! How's my favorite superstar? Great, listen I don't have time to chat long, I've got things going on. So anyway, I've seen the latest BLCTMFTVM re-write and it doesn't look good... And I noticed that your sort of flagging in the viewer polls, and I think I have just the PR opportunity we need to 'get you back up there in that saddle there, lil' missy', HAHA! Yeah... So hear me out; it's this little PR thingy in a town called... let's see here... (you hear papers being riffled through)... Okay here it is! It's this little PR thingy in a town called Neato Falls. Sort of a little, 'kitchy', small town-ey, 'cutesy' sort of... hmmm... Well, okay listen Julie-baby, I have no idea where this place is... It's probably some backwoods crap-hole, but they're holding the grand opening of (papers rifling)... huh... Yeah, they're having the grand opening of their new 'landfill'... Oh... Huh! Umm... and there's no payment for this appearance either, it looks like. But wait; before you hang up, you might want to know that the good news is I guess there's a lot of housewives there that really liked your character before the whole 'BreedStone Breakup' debacle? And apparently the housewives in this town are pretty much carrying about 10% of 'Bondage's' ratings right now? So it might behoove you to go visit this little outhouse and get back in their good graces before the next script re-write is finalized, whaddaya say?"
Devin Michael Brandon
Devon is just finishing uploading his morning workout selfie to his high school alumni page when he gets a chirp on his laptop indicating an incoming video call from his boss at RIPT, Regional Supervisor Lift Bromanowsky. Lift never uses regular telephones, strictly video calls, and as Devin clicks on the window to answer it Lift sits before the camera shirtless (the unofficial uniform of all male RIPT employees), and using a towel to apparently either wipe sweat OFF his forehead or wipe oil ON his forehead. It's even possible he's wiping sweat OFF his oiled forehead... Lift doesn't wait for a "hello".
"Dee Bee! What's up, champ! Not much here... just got in my second set of gainz in for the morning, might have me a kale-and-proto breakfast, maybe sprinkle a little RIPT bonemeal on it for the fills, knowwhatimean? So listen, now that you mention it, just got word from the HQ! We a new product here for the RIPT line, figured to myself, 'Know what, Bromanowsky, you got just the man for the job'... That man is YOU, buddy!
"I'll send you the product info, but it basically boils down to this: Two bottles... LionShark for the dudes. Comes in this blue-labeled bottle... (He holds a bottle up to the camera). CougarShark for the chicks (he holds another bottle, this one with a pink label, up in front of the camera). Remember that, make a little newmatic device or something... Like 'Blue Dude; Pink Chi-' Uh, pink... Hmm.. 'Purple Gurple... See cuz Blue and Dude sound the same, and Purple is sorta like pink cuz they're both chick colors and 'gurple' sorta sounds like 'girl' cuz they both go 'Urrr'. Whetever, write it down or something, just don't screw it up, Dee Bee!
Now listen and pay attention closely Bro-ndon. The secret is both of them are the same product (he gives the camera a conspiratorial wink as one of his greasy pecs bounces in tandem. At last year's company Christmas party he'd declared that the "pec and wink" was his "thing" and he didn't want to see anyone else doing it during video calls.) Basically five thousand calories of lard and sugar. Wouldn't touch the stuff myself personally, but RIPT is looking to target the uneducated market, and that's why I'm sending you to some cow pasture called 'Neato Falls'. People there wouldn't know what a macro was if some stringbean spotter stuck it on the end of a barbell and forgot to put clamps on it and the sonofagun slid off and fell on their foot, HAHAHA!!!
Anyway, you know the drill champ. Just hand out samples give the regular schpiel: CougarShark for the chicks, 5000 calorie weight loss supplement, replaces every meal for a week, chicks get slammin' bods if taken as directed; make sure to point to the picture of the bro with the lab coat on the back.
"LionShark for the dudes, 5000 calorie mass-gainer supplement, drink one bottle before each workout, dudes get massive' gains if taken as directed; make sure to point to the picture of the bro with the lab coat on the back.
"As usual, you make a commish of 1C for every thousand units you move. They're having some sort of event this weekend, in this town. Probably a rodeo or somethin', I saw a lot of dirt on the website. Try and set up a booth near the news camera. You can do it DeeBee; you're my number one man! Out!"
He gives you the "pec and wink" and the window disappears before you can get a word in.
Evan the Starving Artist
Evan is wandering around the local Mal-Wart box store, brainstorming for an project. He's been in an inspirational funk lately. So far the best he's come up with is maybe some sort of interpretive dance protesting the capitalistic enterprise of box stores blah blah blah... It's only been a hundred times though. He's stewing in his frustrations, when standing near the electronics aisle a news article catches his attention on eight of the flat screen television sets before him. The male and female anchor are chatting and there are video scenes of what appears to be some sort of enormous mountain of trash in the corner of the screen. Looking around, Evan turns up one of the televisions and catches the end of the story:
HIM: -the final story, we bring you to the 115 year-old town of Neato Falls, where the citizens are about to celebrate the grand opening of their very first landfill!
HER: What? 115 years and no landfill? Haha, where have they been putting their garbage?
HIM: Apparently, for more than century they residents have been putting it in a big pile south of town, and waiting for wolves to eat it so that dung beetles could roll the feces away. However, wolves apparently don't eat garbage, so it's been sitting there stacking up. The town has spent 1 million C to officially declare an area north of the town as the Neato Falls Landfill and for the last fifteen years they've been collecting all the garbage from the enormous pile south of town and trucking to make a new pile north of town in the newly declared landfill.
HER: Oh, how neat! What will they do with the new pile now, Ron? Do they have plans to burn it or bury it?
HIM: The teleprompter doesn't say anything about further plans for the garbage, Becky!
HER: Oh, how neat!
Wheels start turning in Evan's head. He doesn't know exactly what he plans to do with a gigantic mountain of garbage, but with the prospect of a limitless supply of materials to work with, he has a feeling inspiration will eventually hit him.