
Chapter 1 - A Tale of Two Cities
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Welcome to Baldur’s Gate, a veritable nest of rats and vipers clinging to the rocky slopes overlooking the Chionthar River. From their high perches in the Upper City, the local nobles — known as patriars — gaze down with veiled contempt upon the common rabble in the grimy Lower City, which hugs the foggy harbor. The whole of Baldur’s Gate reeks of blood, crime, and opportunity. One can easily fathom why pirates and traders are drawn to this place like flies to a carcass.
Following the river farther east would eventually lead you to Elturel, capital of the holy land of Elturgard — or at least that was the case until a few days ago. The flood of refugees from Elturel has gotten worse since news first arrived that the city has fallen. Everyone is saying Baldur’s Gate is next, but no one truly knows who or what has claimed Elturel.
The patriars pay a mercenary army called the Flaming Fist to protect their interests in Baldur’s Gate, and by extension, the city itself. The Flaming Fist has gained even more power since their charismatic leader, Ulder Ravengard, claimed the title of Grand Duke a few years ago. Apparently, Ravengard is missing. In his absence, the Flaming Fist has sealed the city’s gates to staunch the flow of refugees. No one is allowed in or out.
All of this was brought to your attention shortly after you were drafted by the Flaming Fist to help defend the city. Your orders are to speak to Captain Zodge at the Basilisk Gate, which pierces the city’s eastern wall and takes its name from the various statues that rest in its niches and perch atop its battlements. Unseen beyond the sealed Basilisk Gate, a dirt road stretches through the Outer City slums to the bridge known as Wyrm’s Crossing, then to distant realms beyond.
Dozens of Flaming Fist soldiers are trying to control an angry mob of commoners eager to leave the city. Armed with only a vague description of Captain Zodge — a tall man with long black hair and a leather eye patch — it takes you awhile to find him. He’s shouting out orders to a group of soldiers who are trying to hold back a small mob of commoners.
"Oh good, you’re here, and just in time too." He looks each of you up and down, then back at the mob. "Listen, I know this is unorthodox, but I’m going to pull rank on you and officially commission you to assist my men in holding back this mob. The city has been shut down. Nobody in or out."
Suddenly, a man breaks through the line of soldiers and makes a run for the gate. "YOU MOTHERFUCKER! HEY!" He dives at the man, tackling him to the ground. This sparks further anger in the mob, and a fight breaks out between soldiers and commoners. The one-eyed captain binds the man on the ground, stands up, and dives into the fray, throwing punches.
Just another day in the City of Blood.
A little background music to set the stage.
She wears no armor and generally like to use her greataxe, but right now would only further the problems with crowd. Still she can use the flat side of it like a club. Her silver/white hair is pulled back into a tight pony tail right now.
With quick strides she joyfully joins in the fray swinging her greataxe like a might club. She has tossed her quarterstaff that was in her hands to the ground as she approaches. Her eyes light up as she goes into full rage. She can't resist but to put people down. She is a wild animal now.
As the commoners start to break through, he freezes, and tries to stand his ground. "Why did I get roped into this..."
Since forever she knew how to manipulate light, and this time she would use it to her advantage. She had the Flaming Fist tunic on over her blue shift and scale mail. She picked up a club and enveloped it in a clear blue light, making it very visible, that she was armed, and capable of using at least some magic. With her white air blowing in the wind, her shield up, and a raised "magic" club, she was hoping for an intimidating sight.
Rolls
intimidation - (1d20+1)
(3) + 1 = 4
She looks at him briefly, and then to her other companion, who appears to be of the same mind as she. This violence solved nothing, and the only way to ease these peoples' plight was to get their attention.
She takes a deep breath, drawing upon the magic she knew she had been born with. "That. Is. ENOUGH!" she shouts, her voice booming thanks to her devil's blood.
Rolls
Intimidation - (1d20+2)
(16) + 2 = 18
He looks up at Amnon, who seems to be hesitating. He shouts loudly, pointing at the crowd. "We'll have time for chitchat later! The Council has given me authority to draft those I deem a potential help to the cause." He turns just as a man with a dagger charges him. He grabs him by the forearm, then headbutts the man straight in the nose. The man falls backwards to the ground, blood pouring from his nose. Zodge then kicked forwards, directly into the man's face, knocking him unconscious. He turns back to Amnon. "Either help us, or we'll consider you a traitor and you'll end up with the rest of these rabble."
Meanwhile, Sam approaches one man (a dwarf with short scraggly black hair) with a glowing club, hoping to intimidate him. The man looks like he's either desperate or crazy, and charges at Sam, swinging at her and missing. Alongside her, Shargon uses the broadside of her greataxe like an enormous cricket bat, knocking people onto the ground with ease.
Finally, Harmony grows tired of this. She raises her shield high into the air, imbuing it with divine magic. "That. Is. ENOUGH!" Her voice booms, and a small concussive sound wave emanates from her.
A small hush falls in the area, and both sides of the conflict take stock of the situation. Zodge looks to Harmony, a mix of approval and disappointment on his face. He turns to his own men, the shouts again to the crowd. "I say again, the Council has decreed nobody in or out of Baldur's Gate until it is safe to do so." He motions his men, then to the dozen or so people who had been taken down in the scuffle. "Bind the traitors and lock them up." The Flaming Fists nod, and begin to shackle the commoners.
Zodge takes a rag from his pocket and wipes the blood from his brow. He adjusts his eye patch, then places the rag back in his pocket. He waves the four of you over to the side of the street, out of earshot of the crowd. "Thanks for that. Shit has gotten crazy around here lately. The Council of Four...well, Three of the Four, have been worried sick ever since word has come up of the fall of Elturel. Word is all that's left is a hole in the ground."
"The knights of Elturgard call themselves Hellriders. A few of them escaped the destruction and think we’re somehow to blame for Elturel’s downfall. What a bunch of self-righteous rabble-rousers! We’re arresting them on sight, but that’s left us shorthanded to deal with another problem. For that, I need your help."
Her head turns to the captain as he speaks. "What is the problem?" she asks, not liking the fact that he might be dancing around it. She preferred people to just speak their mind. It saved everyone a lot of trouble down the road.
"Baldur’s Gate has long been plagued by followers of the Dead Three — the gods Bane, Bhaal, and Myrkul. I thought we had wiped them out, but apparently not. These purveyors of fear and death are taking advantage of the current crisis to commit murder sprees throughout the city. As my appointed deputies in this matter, you’ll have license to kill these wretches on sight. Find their lair, and wipe it out. Eliminate anyone who gets in your way, and don’t worry about collateral damage. We have ways of dealing with messy situations." He nods at the crowd being "dealt with" and gives you a wink.
"If you do what I say, I’ll see that you each receive two hundred gold pieces in addition to my gratitude, which is worth considerably more.
"A few blocks from the Basilisk Gate is Elfsong Tavern. A spy named Tarina hangs out there, gathering rumors for the Guild. She owes me a favor, so tell her you work for me. Ask her what she knows about the Dead Three. And, for the love of Balduran, be nice. Tarina has dangerous friends." He stands back, arms folded. "Any questions?"
Shargon stood there listening as she cooled off. She is short in words, Tarina it is. She retrieves her quarterstaff as she has put away her greataxe.
Tarina can point us in direction of followers of the Dead Three, followers that should be dead as well.
She shutters, blind fanatics are the worst. Being Tyr or Ball those who can't think for themself just ask to be manipulated.
That sounds pretty simple. Even simpler without Flaming Fist garb. Sam removes the Flaming Fist tabard she was wearing doing the scuffle.
She looks at the others, and, if they seem ready and able, leads them to the Elfsong Tavern.
You enter the Elfsong Tavern as the sun sits high in the mid-afternoon sky. Immediately as you enter, you notice two bouncers near the door: one is a female half-ogre, and the other appears to be a magically animated suit of armor. They eye you up and down as you enter, but don't stop you. Inside, an elderly half-elf man sits behind the bar while two younger men run food and drink to dozen or so patrons inside. Along the right side of the bar is a sofa, with a large chest containing some games for patrons to use.
The elderly half-elf sees you enter, nods at you, and says "Good afternoon! In for a little shelter from the storm?" The weather today is fairly sunny, so you figure he must be referring to the chaos that seems to be filling the streets.
Especially her brother, who seemed at ease with such folk.
Goodevening good innkeeper. Can I ask you some questions? I am looking for a woman with the name of Tarina
He looks at Sam, and sighs at your question. "Tarina. She's around here somewhere." He looks at the rest of the group, raises his eyebrow a bit, and his face gets a little sour as he waves a bony finger at you. "You're not here to cause any trouble are you? I just finished repairing replacing the front windows."
Rolls
Perception check - (1d20+2)
(12) + 2 = 14
It is no trouble spotting Shargon as she stands so tall over everyone except perhaps the half ogre. She is a mountain of a person. Have others stare at her doesn't bother her too much. She is well used to it tends to promptly ignore them except on her bad days. She well known to be rather violent.
Rolls
Persuasion Check - (1d20+3)
(18) + 3 = 21
He turns around and places a glass he's been cleaning back on the shelf, then turns around again and faces you. "Can I get you anything while you're here?"
She keeps her eyes peeled for anyone that might fit the description they had gotten, even before she makes it to the upstairs dining room.
Rolls
Perception - (1d20+6)
(17) + 6 = 23
As Harmony begins to make her way towards the stairwell, a soft, disembodied Elven voice begins to sing throughout Elfsong Tavern. As you make your way upstairs, the stairwell opens up into a large windowless room. Lit lanterns hang from the rafters, and rugs cover the wooden floor and help dampen the noise from drunken patrons gathered around two large tables, eating and playing games of Baldur’s Bones. At the end of one of the tables, sitting by herself, is a woman who fits the description given earlier.
Rolls
Persuasion check - (1d20+3)
(12) + 3 = 15
Rolls
Perception - (1d20+3)
(17) + 3 = 20
She looks to Shargon, Harmony, and Sam, then smiles. "Let me guess. Zodge is drafting adventurers to do his dirtywork?"
Sam - there is a group of ruffians playing Baldur's Bones at the other table, who all seem fairly invested. One of them, a particularly greasy looking halfling, sees you looking over the group and winks at you, licking his lips.

Tarina laughs out loud. "Hey Pudge, I think this girl is out of your league." She looks at you, Sam. "Don't mind him. He's a piece of shit." She leans forward. "So, what did Zodge send you lot to ask me about?"
"The Dead Three are a trio of demigods who combined forces to create their own cult. If something crazy and demonic goes down in the city, you can bet your ass the Dead Three is either directly or indirectly involved. You've got Bane, god of tyranny who wants to rule the world, Bhaal, god of murder who loves killing and generally causing fear, and finally Myrkul, who calls himself the Lord of Bones. He likes undead and zombies and shit."
As she is talking, you can hear some shouting coming from downstairs. Tarina stops talking for a moment, looks over at the stairwell nervously, then smiles and continues.
"Anyways, Zodge had me looking into where the cult had set up shop, and I think I found it."
A deep bass voice can be heard at the bottom of the stairs, followed by several others, and the clashing of dishware.
Tarina looks at you nervously. "Here's the deal...some old shipmates of mine didn't exactly leave on great terms, and I think they tracked me down here. If you get me out of here and I'll tell you everything I know."
Sam makes quick work, adding a scar, placing some bread inside Tarinas cheeks, adding makeup to alter her facial structure. Mixing available clothing and ordering Tarina to tie in her breasts, the person in front of them no longer looks like Tarina, but someone else.
Time to leave
Rolls
Disguise kit - (1d20+3)
(19) + 3 = 22
Tarina adjusts the cloak, looking around the room. "Fuck, any ideas? I'm kind of freaking out right now."
Rolls
Perception Check for Shargon - (1d20+3)
(8) + 3 = 11
Rolls
Perception - (1d20+6)
(8) + 6 = 14
See this man might be a good one for drinking, Feeling friendly she takes a step or three to meet up with him. She shoves her axe into his hands and chest to hold forcively, I drink at the bar. She doesn't care what the other do as she is attempting to lead/pull him down to the bar for Ale. This is no deception. She really does want to take to the bar for drinks. She just has a rather forceful nature about her.
Rolls
Intimidation - (1d20+3)
(14) + 3 = 17
And if someone has a lute, well she can play and lowers the chances of a bar fight.
Upstairs, three men move upstairs, entering the room and begin look around. They scan the room, then begin walking toward the rest of you, along with Tarina in disguise. "You lot seen a dame named Tarina?"
Rolls
Perception
"We have not." she tells them impatiently. "And if you don't mind, my friends and I were just getting ready to leave."
She attempts to lead the lot of them past the group and down the stairs.
Rolls
Persuasion (Or if Intimifate, change to +2) - (1d20+4)
(16) + 4 = 20
He knocks on one of the doors that is locked, it opens slightly, and he stumbles back as a beastial screech emanates the room. "Good Gods! Sorry ma’am just looking for someone. Must be mistaken." The door slams shut.
You realize if you’re going to leave, now is the perfect time.
Rolls
Secret Roll
Rolls
Perception Check @ DISADV - (1d20, 1d20)
1d20 : (16) = 16
1d20 : (17) = 17
Insight
Rolls
Persausion - (1d20+1)
(16) + 1 = 17
Rolls
Secret Roll
Secret Roll
Secret Roll
She looks at Tarina. Do you have any suggestions?
Everyone Else - Tarina laughs to herself as you round the corner out of sight. "Holy shit, I can't believe that worked." She seems relieved to be out of there. "I...uh...buns sound good. I mean, wait...sure graveyard. But, what about your friend?"
Soon, a couple of the men from upstairs come back down, looking a bit nervous. "No sign of her boss."
Dead Eye glowers. "She's gotta be around this neighborhood somewhere. She always hangs out in this ridiculous place." He takes his drink, quickly chugs half of it, and wipes his mouth sloppily with his sleeve. "Back to searching, boys, I've got a friend here who says she might know where she is."
One of them pipes up. "There was one of them fishfolk, what'dya call em? Sahuagin? In one of the rooms. Nearly caused poor Aiken to piss 'im self."
Dead Eye laughs loud enough for half the tavern to hear him. "Of course there is! What a ridiculous shit town this is." He turns back to you, Shargon. "Listen, milady, if we can cut to the part of this where I take you upstairs, we show each other a good time, and then you explain where Tarina is while we hold each other in the beautiful afterglow, I'd be appreciative. As you can see, I've got important business to attend to."
Rolls
Persuasion check - (1d20+1)
(20) + 1 = 21
Without a word, you leave the tavern, and briefly see your friends a ways off waiting for you to emerge.
She waves as she catches up as she knows they have lost pursuit. We should be clear now. she says as she comes to them.
She hopes someone is carrying her quarterstaff so she doesn't have to go back to get it or make a new one. She has put away her axe already on the way out of the building.
"Okay, so the Dead Three...I've been doing alot of work to figure out what the hell they're up to. I've tracked their activities down to a bathhouse several blocks northwest of here." She looks at each of you. "You've got to understand. I'm not exactly an altar boy myself, but these people are literal devil worshippers. They don't fuck around."
"That's it right there."
The bathhouse is a one-story stuccoed building with stained-glass windows and clay roof tiles. Ten-foot-tall walls enclose a large courtyard outside the southeast corner of the building. The closed wooden doors to the courtyard are engraved with images of smiling nymphs dancing and frolicking in water.
Shargon is already getting keyed up for the fight. She is more then ready for combat. And no doubt wanting it.
She turns down the street, then looks back at you. "Thanks again...good luck."
What do you say? Go in to take a bath, see where it heads? Have one cover the back, and join us when or if the rumble starts?
Rolls
Secret Roll
Secret Roll
Secret Roll
Secret Roll
Rolls
Intimidation - (1d20+3)
(17) + 3 = 20
A second voice, female this time, says "That door is a work of art, y'know. If you damage it, the boss'll have your head on a platter."
Rolls
Deception check - (1d20+5)
(4) + 5 = 9
"Going around throwing that name in the middle of the streets. Seriously. What business are you on about?"
Rolls
Secret Roll
Sam steps out of sight. If it comes to violence, she is ready, but if not, she might be able to follow the cult members or something similar.
Rolls
Stealth - (1d20+1)
(16) + 1 = 17
Sam emerges from the shadow and try to position her self so it would seem that she was there all along, but not visible from the doorway.
The four of you now stand together in the courtyard as a third guard in a kimono enters view. He looks at everyone and says "Everything alright out here?"
Rolls
Insight - (1d20)
(6) = 6
Secret Roll
Secret Roll
Rolls
Secret Roll
Rolls
Deception check - (1d20+5)
(5) + 5 = 10
Rolls
Secret Roll
Amnon's Insight - (1d20+2)
(3) + 2 = 5
Suddenly he looks at this group, and immediately his face turns sour. Although he's almost 20 feet away, he raises a hand at Amnon and then brings it down. Amnon notices too late, and a spectral claw appears in front of him swiping at him.
COMBAT ORDER:
PCs - you're up!
Bad Guys

https://imgbb.com/
Rolls
Shargon Initiative - (1d20+2)
(20) + 2 = 22
Samantha Initiative - (1d20+1)
(8) + 1 = 9
Harmony Initiative - (1d20+2)
(13) + 2 = 15
Amnon Initiative - (1d20+3)
(15) + 3 = 18
Guards - (1d20+2)
(6) + 2 = 8
Old Man - (1d20+1)
(2) + 1 = 3
Claws of the Grave - (1d20+5, 2d4+3)
1d20+5 : (6) + 5 = 11
2d4+3 : (32) + 3 = 8
Rolls
great axe, damage - (1d20+5, 1d12+5)
1d20+5 : (2) + 5 = 7
1d12+5 : (5) + 5 = 10
Rolls
Attack Vs guard - (1d20+5)
(2) + 5 = 7
Insight check - (1d20+2)
(7) + 2 = 9
First person to be attacked within 5 feet of me: Your attacker gets disadvantage on their attack.
Rolls
Mace Attack - (1d20+4, 1d6+2)
1d20+4 : (9) + 4 = 13
1d6+2 : (1) + 2 = 3
Rolls
Eldrich Blast - (1d20+3, 1d10)
1d20+3 : (11) + 3 = 14
1d10 : (2) = 2
Hex - (1d6)
(2) = 2
The old man in the back, who you now all see is brandishing a skull as an arcane focus, is struck by Samantha's light-based attack, and becomes furious. "Angelic scum! Feel the wrath of the Dead Three!!!" He lashes out with a spectral claw at Sam.
COMBAT ORDER:
- PCs up next

Rolls
Old Man - (1d20+5, 2d4+3)
1d20+5 : (9) + 5 = 14
2d4+3 : (12) + 3 = 6
Female Guard to Harmony - (1d20+4, 2d4+2)
1d20+4 : (2) + 4 = 6
2d4+2 : (32) + 2 = 7
Blonde Male to Amnon - (1d20+4, 2d4+2)
1d20+4 : (14) + 4 = 18
2d4+2 : (43) + 2 = 9
Brown Male to Amnon - (1d20+4, 2d4+2)
1d20+4 : (7) + 4 = 11
2d4+2 : (24) + 2 = 8
Rolls
Greataxe, Damage - (1d20+5, 1d12+5)
1d20+5 : (1) + 5 = 6
1d12+5 : (3) + 5 = 8
Rolls
Attack Vs blond dude - (1d20+5)
(11) + 5 = 16
Damage to blond dude (if it hits. Sneak attack thanks to his proximity to my comrades) - (1d8+3, 1d6)
1d8+3 : (7) + 3 = 10
1d6 : (1) = 1
Casting Time: 1 action
Range: 60 feet
Components: V, S
Duration: Instantaneous
You point at one creature you can see within range, and the sound of a dolorous bell fills the air around it for a moment. The target must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw or take 1d8 necrotic damage. If the target is missing any of its hit points, it instead takes 1d12 necrotic damage.
Rolls
Toll the Dead (Wis Save: 14) - (1d12)
(9) = 9
Meanwhile, Harmony lets out a Toll the Dead spell, but the female guard appears unaffected.
NEXT UP:
- Samantha
- Bad Guys
- PCs
Rolls
Wisdom Save vs. Harmony's Toll the Dead - (1d20)
(17) = 17
Rolls
eldrich blast - (1d20+3, 1d10)
1d20+3 : (16) + 3 = 19
1d10 : (1) = 1
Rolls
Hex dammage - (1d6)
(1) = 1
Meanwhile, the female guard lashes out at Harmony. The remaining male guard, having seen his comrade killed by the tiefling in the leather armor, lashes out at Amnon.
Next up: PCs

Rolls
Old Man vs Samantha - (1d20+5, 2d4+3)
1d20+5 : (14) + 5 = 19
2d4+3 : (41) + 3 = 8
Female Guard vs Harmony - (1d20+4, 2d4+2)
1d20+4 : (1) + 4 = 5
2d4+2 : (43) + 2 = 9
Male Guard vs Amnon - (1d20+4, 2d4+2)
1d20+4 : (10) + 4 = 14
2d4+2 : (43) + 2 = 9
Male Guard vs. Amnon (ADV due to flanking) - (1d20+4)
(17) + 4 = 21
Rolls
great axe, damage - (1d20+5, 1d12+5)
1d20+5 : (6) + 5 = 11
1d12+5 : (5) + 5 = 10
Death saving throws: Positive - 0, negative - 1
Rolls
Death saving throw - (1d20)
(7) = 7
HP 12/20
Rolls
eldrich blast - (1d20+3, 1d10)
1d20+3 : (19) + 3 = 22
1d10 : (1) = 1
hex damage - (1d6)
(2) = 2
Meanwhile, Samantha strikes the old man again with another Eldritch Blast, but its another glancing blow.
Amnon lies on the ground, unconscious and beginning to bleed out.
Next up: Harmony
Rolls
Cure Wounds - (1d8+4)
(4) + 4 = 8
Rolls
Attack Vs spellcaster - (1d20)
(4) = 4
Meanwhile, the remaining guard strikes out at Harmony again.
Those looking at the old man begin to notice that the old man's eyes are leaking blood and he growls, sending out another spectral claw at Samantha again.

Rolls
Guard @ Harmony - (1d20+4, 2d4+2)
1d20+4 : (9) + 4 = 13
2d4+2 : (14) + 2 = 7
Old Man @ Samantha - (1d20+5, 2d4+3)
1d20+5 : (10) + 5 = 15
2d4+3 : (23) + 3 = 8
HP 12/17
On a hit, the target suffers the attack's normal effects, and it becomes sheathed in booming energy until the start of your next turn. If the target willingly moves before then, it immediately takes 1d8 thunder damage, and the spell ends.
Rolls
BA: Crimson rite, lose 1d4 from max hp - (1d4)
(3) = 3
A: Booming blade attack - (1d20+5)
(15) + 5 = 20
Sword damage - (1d8+5)
(4) + 5 = 9
Hex damage - (1d6)
(2) = 2
Crimson rite damage - (1d4)
(1) = 1
Next up: Harmony, Amnon, and Shargon
Rolls
Attack Vs Guard - (1d20+5)
(11) + 5 = 16
Damage (if it hits) - (1d8+3)
(3) + 3 = 6
Rolls
Toll the Dead (WIS Save 14) - (1d12)
(8) = 8
Rolls
Attack, Advantage attack, fury attack damage - (1d20+5, 1d20+5, 1d12+5)
1d20+5 : (18) + 5 = 23
1d20+5 : (12) + 5 = 17
1d12+5 : (4) + 5 = 9
End Combat
You stand in the courtyard for a moment, two of the guards unconcious but breathing heavily. The gate is closed, and the night air has gotten quite chilly.
Rolls
wisdom save - (1d20)
(18) = 18
Rolls
Perception check - (1d20+2)
(1) + 2 = 3
Investigation check - (1d20+2)
(17) + 2 = 19
The old man has a skull on a chain, and is wearing tattered robes. You find an amulet around his neck, bearing a skull held within a stone archway.
Lets check out the rest of this place
HP 11/20
Healing Hands 1/LR - used
Beginning at 1st level, you have survived the Hunter’s Bane, a dangerous, long-guarded ritual that alters your life’s blood, forever binding you to the darkness and honing your senses against it. You have advantage on Wisdom (Survival) checks to track fey, fiends, or undead, as well as on Intelligence ability checks to recall information about them.
Rolls
religion - (1d20+1)
(14) + 1 = 15
religion if Hunter's Bane adv applies - (1d20+1)
(13) + 1 = 14
Rolls
Survival Check - (1d20+3)
(18) + 3 = 21
Inside, the walls of this twenty-foot-high pillared chamber are adorned with frescoes of bathing royalty. Moonlight streams through stained-glass windows, creating colorful patterns on the tiles of polished blue marble that cover the floor. Three shallow, sunken pools contain scintillating perfume-scented water. White marble benches bearing stacks of dry towels are situated near the pools, each of which comes equipped with a pair of brass faucets.
Rolls
Perception check - (1d20+2)
(12) + 2 = 14
She rolls her eyes at Sam's attempt at humor and lets out an unamused, "Hardy har. Let us proceed and be done with this place. I feel already that I will be needing to bathe after this."