Sipp Morning (H 1.4)

You take a few puffs of the J and it burns your throat for a few minutes before the marijuana kicks in. You start to feel your body relax and ease into a pleasant euphoria. Your ears tickle at the wind and your skin tingles with warmth. Hedges starts to giggle softly as he puffs away. Pellet moves over to lay her head in his lap when he sits down, and before you know it, you start handing both of the spliffs around in a slow circle, puffing on the tight J and then taking the one you rolled. They both start to lose their taste and become a delivery for the sweet feeling of the ganja.

You feel a connection growing between the three of you - Pellet and Hedges as well.

The concrete rooftop is quickly a summery field beneath me, or at least, it is what I imagine a summery field might be - warm, aromatic, comfortable. The normally stoic and tense muscles in my face relax into something that is not a smile, but at least is not as reserved as usual. It feels like being naked, naked but free.

My eyes are soft and distant, even as I watch the faces of my companions mere feet away. The Whispers feel more a part of me, and I of them, than ever before, and it makes me wonder if this Sippian might be someone I have more in common with than I thought.

Smoke curls around the three of you, enveloping you in the embrace of a new experience. At one point, Pellet takes a big drag, then she pulls you close enough to blow it into your mouth without touching, calling it "a smokey kiss". Later, you find yourself volunteering to do the same to Hedges - and it's fun. Something in your head whispers that it shouldn't be fun, but it still feels fun. And funny, too. You feel laughter burble up in your chest and burst out of your mouth.

After the smokey kiss, you look into Hedges' eyes and try to pull secrets from his mind. Something is in there, you can smell it amid the sharp aroma of the ganja - secrets you need to know. You tug at it, try to wedge it free, yank harder until...

Until something gives way.

Hedges lays back, his eyes unfocused as he gapes with wonder and befuddlement in equal parts at the expansive sky overhead. He seems incapable of words and a bit of drool leaks out of the corner of his previously cruel mouth that lays slack and open.

Pellet giggles and murmurs something like, "i think you broke him, helix." She seems unconcerned, so maybe it isn't a big deal. Maybe this is what the ganja does. What do you know, right? But something feels bad about that interaction with Hedges - as if he's... fallen open.

When your senses start to creep back into your head, you find Pellet lying with her head in your lap. She's staring up at the sky like Hedges, but distinctly not like Hedges. She's present - if a bit euphoric.

Hedges is not present. Not present at all. His mind has gone on a long trip and left his body behind, it seems.

What do you do?

Hedges' mind in my hands is a rope suddenly loosed from its mooring. It hangs limp and useless, but I don't realize the full ramifications of that right away. The ganja is too strong, sweeping me and Hedges off in its current. I float there, concerned but unfocused.

But soon, or not-so-soon, focus returns. I sit up, not sure when I lay down, and look down at Pellet with her head in my lap, the same place Kiwi's head rested when he died. The thought grounds me further and my gaze moves to Hedges, who doesn't move at all.

My hands tighten as if remembering the rope they pulled and Pellet's words from earlier come with them - "I think you broke him, Helix."

What little color existed in my face drains and I slip away from Pellet, crawling to the edge of the building to retch into the water below. The ramifications are waves ramming me against the rocks, relentless and raging. Did I hand him to the Whispers? Did they take him completely? Will I do it again, to anyone I come close to? If crushing Karo's hand landed me here, what will this bring to me? Should I try to run now while I still can? Will they chain me in a bathtub like Nuport, or will Lucky Strike make good on his threats of nailing my body to a wall?

I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, then look back to where Hedges lies. He has to snap out of this. If he does, then everything will be okay again. I move quickly over to him, and shake his shoulders. "Hedges," I say, a distinct note of alarm in my tone. "Hedges, get up."

Hedges doesn't move. Pellet starts to sit up and seems to register that something is terribly wrong.

"We will take Hedges," a Whisper states.

"Since you didn't give us Kiwi," another adds with a laugh.

"No," I answer the Whispers aloud, the word breathless as if I had been punched in the stomach. "No, no. You can't do that. I thought you liked me!"

"Bring us Kiwi and you can have Hedges back," a Whisper demands.

"Not that you really want Hedges back," one giggles.

Pellet's words aren't ones I hear so much as a reminder that I'm speaking aloud. I remove my hands from Hedges, sitting back on my heels and staring at his vacant face.

The Whispers aren't wrong - I don't want Hedges back. I also don't want the problems him not being back will cause.

My mouth is dry, tongue sticking to the roof and when I swallow, my throat burns instead.

'What will you do with Kiwi?'

"We will bring him into the collective," a soft voice replies.

"Kiwi is dead. Heaven is a lie. The Maelstrom wants him." a Whisper states in a flat tone.

Bring him into the collective? Does that mean Kiwi would become a Whisper too? The thought makes me feel sick again, but I keep my stomach down. I close my eyes.

Kiwi is dead, no matter what I saw last night. Hedges is alive, sort of. I am alive.

That is most important, whatever else might happen. I am alive, and I intend to stay that way. I reach up and pinch the bridge of my nose, prickles of bright tears stinging my closed eyes.

'How do I give him to you?'

"Call to him. Call to Kiwi, ask him to come here," a soft Whisper answers.

"The same as you did last night," another explains.

I ignore Pellet, closing my eyes tighter, resisting the inevitable a few fragile moments more before I break like a wave against the prow of a ship, dashed into a thousand pieces of fury and power.

I. Must. Survive.

I cast out for Kiwi with my mind, bait him with a thousand strings to my heart. A million snapshots of our interactions at the Belly form together into something complete and whole and here, if I can will it to be so, and I wait for the Whispers to take him.

I move my hand from the bridge of my nose at the chill on my neck, looking over to see the ghost of Kiwi against the sky. It steals my breath.

Though I'm kneeling inches from him, I'm useless as Hedges returns. My hands are anchors, back slumped with the weight. I drag myself to my feet and take a few steps away from all of them, moving toward the edge of the roof.

'You win,' I tell the Whispers. 'You got what you wanted. Now you can leave me alone.' I cross my arms over the emptiness gnawing at my stomach. I wonder if Doral felt like this before she jumped.

"We can," one of the Whispers answers.

Then, you feel a chill as another Whisper giggles, "But we won't."

I shudder at the Whisper's laugh that lingers in my mind too long. I need to get off the roof, away from the water and sky where the Whispers roam too free. I need to go back to the Belly, where the noise and work drown out their laughter. I need to get my pets to drain their power.

Arms still clasped around my ribs, a delicate bandage holding me together, I turn back to face Hedges and Pellet.

"Yes," I echo Pellet's platitudes, my voice feeling more distant to me than the Whispers. "You passed out. But you're okay now."