Gone Fishin'

For a long time, Niviana of Ilyn had been fascinated by sports of all kinds. She had always been too scared to try any though, for fear that they are too "unladylike" for the so-called "Lady of the Lake." But her recent time at Yazeba's B & B had helped to bolster her confidence, and now it was time to get past her fears and pursue her curiosity.

So her first sport will be the sport of fishing! She arrives at the watering hole clad in floppy hat, vest, and waders. In her webbed hands, she clutches a tackle box with a Camelot sticker on it, and slung over her shoulder is an Excalibur 2000 fishing rod.

Her long hair obscures her expression as she sets down her gear and gazes at the water. She hesitates, though. This would be the first step into a world she has wondered about for far too long. Would she have fun? Would she have too much fun? Should she turn back now, or plunge ahead?

She stands there, shifting from foot to foot nervously.

Ichor slinks along behind Amelie, trying to stay concealed within the robotic maid's shadow. The formerly nameless thing that once lived in the walls of the Bed & Breakfast now ventures out for the first time, and it seems like it has nothing but complaints to offer.

"Bah! It's too bright! It's too hot! It's too loud! There's too many bugs! Why are we doing this again?" Ichor grouses, its inky black form shifting and writhing.

Amelie replies, "Bugs are acceptable out here. This is their domain. It is nice to observe these tiny creatures in flight."

They notice a ripple.

"Oh my, I think a fish may have jumped up from the water to devour an insect."

FACT: "FLY-FISHING" IS AUTHENTIC AND RELEVANT TERMINOLOGY

Amelie finds themself in a unique position to show off some knowledge that just popped into their head.

"Perhaps we might contemplate fly-fishing, or using flies as bait."

They only assume that last part, since the online connection by the lake comes in waves. But they’re pretty sure they hazarded the correct guess. For what else could ‘fly-fishing’ possibly mean?

What a brilliant day for an adventure!

Parish hops up the mountain trail last despite this largely being his idea. After all, his courtly manners would not allow him to hoist the brimming picnic basket, the fastidious albeit weighty tacklebox (marked with a sticker saying "1066 Ye Ole Pike Fishing Championship"), the golfing bag of rods or cooler full of ice upon his companions. This was their first time to engage in this most noble and ancient of sports and he would be turned to a toad before allowing this experience to be anything but glorious.

Which, of course, was going to be difficult given that Niviana was full of existential dread and Ichor was thoroughly unamused. But he had great hope in Amelie's ability to assist him in bringing out the best in this experience.

---

With a stifled grunt, Parish dropped everything on the shore and dabbed sweat from below his lure-encrusted hat. He smiled mightily despite this, knowing that a sportsman, like a knight, will achieve the best results when properly equipped.

Ah! My dear Viv! It is a pleasure upon pleasures to see you have decided to join us above the lake this day--I see you have gotten into the spirit of things! Are you prepared to engage in a most exciting and fruitful competition? He croaks a joyous guffaw as he pulls a bamboo rod from his bag with a flourish. And my most wonderful friends Amelie and Ichor, I have ensured that we are all well equipped for this fine venture be it as sportsmen or amateurs--for is it not for the love of the thing either way?

He selects a lure from his hat and ties it with a practiced hand...er flipper? A thing of bright yellow feathers and gleaming gold, the lure looks more made to attract the eye of a dragon than a fish. The sparkle reflects in his lake-deep eyes, just as he knows it shall catch the sun in the depths and attract the prize that awaits below. Come my friends! The depths shall not give up their prize if we simply stand about. Have at thee! And with a overhead spin, Parish's line flies into the water with a ploop.

"You’re not my friend. I don’t know you! Blargh!" Ichor growls. It scurries over to Parish and bite him on the ankle! "Nom nom nom!"

Sal wiped his brow with the back of a hand and looked for a spot to cast his line. Casting My Line - not a bad name for a song, Sal thought. He checked his gear: a faded red fishing pole he had found stuffed in a closet in the Bed and Breakfast. There was a fairly new hook tied at the end of the fishing line but the bobber was missing and he would have to find bait at the fishing spot.

Sal digs in the dirt a way back from the edge of the water, trying to find a juicy worm to bait the hook. "You know, with all the strange things swimming in the depths here, I bet there is some kind of fissure deep down there that opens into an alternate dimension where weird things float into our world. Maybe they are drawn by the mesmerizing water of the lake." Sal squints up at the sun and swats at a gnat trying to fly up his nose. "Or maybe it is just because people dump random stuff into the lake."

Zounds! ‘Tis not the first bite that I had hoped for! Sal my friend! I am under attack!

Parish in due order drops his pole, hops on one foot, loses his balance, falls over his tackle box, shouts something that might be rude in French or in Frog, and attempts to pull ichor from his ankle. Given that both ichor and Parish are prone to being slimy, it is like a greased pig trying to catch another greased pig and in Parish’s frustration he does the only thing that seems effective.

He bites back! Haffataphtofyronmmdison!

Amelie looks at the frog-chef and her slimy friend on the ground biting each other like Yin and Yang.

"Excuse me, friends, but you are biting each other like Yin and—"

SEARCHING FOR BETTER METAPHOR. 1 FOUND: "PAC-MAN AND MS. PAC-MAN EXPERIENCING A DOMESTIC STRUGGLE"

"—Ms. Pac-Man…"

⚠️ WARNING! METAPHOR PHRASED AS SIMILE! SYNTAX ERROR

"…experiencing… struggle…"

Amelie’s eyes flicker and dim. The maid-bot stiffly tips face first and plunges into the fishing hole, sinking rapidly!

Blocking out all the chaos happening around her, Viv closes her eyes and casts her line into the watering hole. It doesn't take long before she feels something snag her hook. Something heavy!

"Oh! I think I got something," she says, the excitement in her voice undeniable. She grunts with efforts as she struggles to reel in the mighty catch! Eventually, something crests the surface of the water. It's--a robot maid?!?

"Oh! Um, did Amelie fall in the water?" she asks sheepishly. "I, uh, I caught her."

Ichor lets out another growl before finally releasing Parish. "Blech! You win this round, froggy." It slithers over to Amelie and pushes a series of buttons to restart the robot.

Amelie doesn’t respond to the buttons until Ichor accidentally presses:
⬆️⬆️⬇️⬇️⬅️➡️⬅️➡️🅱️🅰️
START

"Greetings, B-and-Beelings! I am—error—not a fish-bot. Error. Error?

"That’s… I’m okay, Ichor. I think I got the robo-hiccups. Error. See?"

Amelie downloads a relevant skill to stop themself from hiccipping the word ‘error.’NEW SKILL ACQUIRED: VACUUM-FISHING

Amelie plunges their vacuum head into the water and shloop! Something is safely swimming in the tank on Amelie’s back.

"Let us see what I have obtained."

"Oh, it was most unchivalrous of me," Ichor parrots Parish, a mocking tone in its voice. "Chivalry is dead, froggy. Dead as a doornail! You ain’t gonna win points with me being nice! I’m not even supposed to be here! I belong in the bowels of the world with the other nameless things! Fneh!"

Sal unfolds a camp chair and sits, putting his feet up on a log. As things around the lake happen, he barely pays attention as he dreamily works on lyrics.

"What rhymes with line? Dine? Too formal but maybe." He thinks as Parish and Ichor bite each other.

"Yes! Loop in some samples of different splashing sounds..." He continues as Amelie falls in the lake.

He absent mindedly reaches into Parish's cooler and pulls out a random soda (Square Root Beer), not even thinking to ask first. He cracks it open and leans back in the chair.

Viv's scaly cheeks turn a darker shade of chartreuse as Parish's praise makes her blush. She quietly watches as first Amelie and then Parish pull up prize catches out of the depths of the watering hole. She studies their form, how they handle their fishing rods, how they reel in their catches.Once she feels a little more confident, Viv casts her own line back into the water, hoping to snag a good catch as well...

A long time passes. She glances at the others. Is it supposed to take this long? Is she doing something wrong?

Viv is about to open her mouth to say something when she feels a tug on her line. The tug is quickly followed by a mighty pull that almost drags her into the water! She plants her feet wide and grips her fishing rod in both hands. "I-I think I got a big one!" she cries excitedly! She grits her teeth and digs deep, reeling and tugging with all of her might.

Just as she thinks she can't reel any longer, a massive beast of a fish leaps out of the pool! Viv reels and reels and drags the primordial behemoth out of the watering hole. It's a prehistoric coelacanth, a huge, six-foot-long piscine. Viv looks in awe at her impressive catch.

"Oh! That's a good one, right?" she asks sheepishly.

Amelie is surprised, to say the least, that they caught a goldfish made of real gold. Being made of metal themself, and able to easily lift a grand piano with one arm (while vacuuming with the other), they thought nothing of the weight.

Before they decide whether to keep it or not, Parish and Viv—both of whom are naturals in this environment—have considerably more impressive catches. If there were some way to keep score of something so subjective, Amelie would say they tied first for the day.

Rather than throw the 24 karat goldfish back to try for a better catch, Amelie follows their program. "To throw this back would be littering."

Ichor sinks a sharp teeth into the can of soda Parish placed in front of it, loudly guzzling the contents. It lets out a belch before discarding the empty can. "Fishing. Kweh! Fine, I'll try it," it grumbles. The amorphous being transforms its body into a fishing rod, stabbing one of the bait worms with a sharp part of itself before casting into the pool.Ichor mutters to itself as it waits and waits. Finally-- "Ow! Something bit me!" The being reels its own appendage back up out of the water, where a strange fish dangles on the end of its pointed limb. It resembles a sword fish, but its nose ends in a blunt anvil-like growth.

"What is this? Is this a fish?" Ichor asks.

Sal feels a faint tingle of excitement at all the others reeling in their fishes. He especially likes the golden trophy that Amelie caught as it reminds him of the awards he is sure to win for best breakout bluegrass - alt rock - shoegaze - nu metal album. But he pulls his focus back to his own fishing line. Without a bobber, it all comes down to watching the line for movement and the regular beat of a fish on the hook.

Sal may not be as well-prepared for this fishing trip as serious fisherpeople. But Sal knows one thing about fishing - it takes patience. If you reel in your line too early you will miss your chance. And besides, the new song needs a dramatic ending with swelling electronic banjo fills backing some poignant lyrics on the metaphorical significance of fishing in the zeitgeist.

Just as Sal comes up with the liner notes that will go with his new song, he sees the frenetic dance of the line. This is it! Time to haul it in!Sal's hopes are dashed as he sees some sort of giant crawling bug at the end of his line. He quickly cuts the creature loose and tosses it back into the unfathomable deep of the lake.

Amelie is impressed with Sal’s catch.

"That is above-average size for an isopod. And it is not a statue of an isopod, if I am not mistaken, which I am not."

Of course Amelie is aware that their real-gold fake-fish is probably worth something whereas this isopod… well… they think the compliment may have been helpful.

Viv sees the disappointment on Sal's face. She hesitates a moment before quietly stepping over to him. "Do not despair, Night Porter. Perhaps this will help you bring in a mighty catch like the rest of us." She solemnly offers him her Excalibur 2000 fishing rod, the shining silver pole gleaming in the noonday sun.

"Now, I know that is not a fish!" Ichor cackles. "It’s a big, stinky bug! Big and stinky and ugly! Like Parish!" The shapeless thing lets out a sniveling snicker, trying to provoke Parish again.

Sal forces a smile onto his face. "It's definitely a large bug. Maybe even a new record. Heh." Sal clears his throat and takes the Excaliber 2000. He looks it over and tentatively holds it up in the air in the Thundercats pose. He tries to will dramatic music to play in his head.

"I'm sure I will catch the biggest and best fish with this... Thanks Viv." He puts the rod down and begins baiting the hook. The whole time, he is fighting the negative voice in his head telling him it is pointless.

Amelie voices encouragement to Sal.

"I am confident that you have a 67% chance of catching an objectively superior fish and-or crustacean, Sal." They bend him a bobber. "This cube-shaped bobber may produce a more immediate result than your pentagonal-trapezohedron-shaped bobber which has a 40% miss-rate."

Sal raises an eyebrow as he takes the cubic bobber but proceeds to deftly tie it onto the Excaliber 2000s line. "Thanks Amelie," he says politely.

Sal takes a look around the lake, trying to remember where fish like to hide. Was it in reeds? Or around logs? Hmmm. That big creepy bug had thrown off his mojo. He did better trusting his gut rather than getting stuck in his head. Just got to let it flow, like writing a new song, he thinks as he baits the hook with another juicy worm.

Sal draws the fishing rod back and waits, feeling for the right moment and direction. There! He throws the tip forward and to the left. The line reels out in a soft whirr until the hook plunks into the water, startling a dragonfly on a nearby lilypad. Now to wait and see what bounty the lake would provide...

A while later, the line twitches slightly - a fish! Sal reels the catch in without much difficulty. An unusually large fancy goldfish! Maybe not your standard trophy fish, but Sal felt this was more appropriate. He would keep this fish and name it Mojo and take it back to the Bed and Breakfast as a reminder!

Viv's smile is hidden by her long hair. She nods and offers Sal a quiet, "Well done." Inwardly, though, she is buzzing with excitement. This fishing trip turned out to be quite thrilling. She wonders what it might feel like to participate in other sports. Perhaps ones with more physical activity. She daydreams happily as the others chat about their catches.

Ichor eyes the odd fishing hole as the trip starts to wind down. So many strange wonders hidden in its depths. It reminds Ichor of the nameless things it used to spend time with in the bowels of the world. It snickers to itself and sloughs over to Amelie.

"Hey, Robot! This was... this was something. I, uh, I didn’t hate it." Ichor hesitates as if it might say more, but simply sneers "Kweh!" and scurries back towards the B&B.

Amelie senses something has gone awry with their system, but they don’t want to kill the fun by warning the others.

"I am glad you are discovering new things. The people of the B&B have introduced me to many experiences that are outside of my realm of duty, and… it does not make me less efficient.

"It seems to have the opposite effect, as if the new experience is the reason to complete all assigned tasks in a timely manner." Having said something they are not supposed to, the robot lets out a surprisingly feminine chuckle, before they go on in the usual metallic voice, "Not that I have sufficient data to support my claim or anything. But the working theory is that all work and no play makes Amelie a dull…"

A DULL WHAT?
⚠️ABORT TOPIC

"Oh, I’m blathering again," she says with a giggle. "My apologies, Ichor," they say.

After he throws the Excalibur 2000 rod back into the lake for the next fisherperson who needs it, Sal helps the others carry the fish cooler back to the B&B. "Thanks y'all! I had forgotten how enjoyable fishing can be." He smiles and scratches at the several new bug bites on his legs.

He finds an old clear vase in storage that he spruces up and turns into a home for Mojo using a few plastic plants and some colored gravel. The fishing experience has reminded Sal that talent needs hard work to go anywhere and he spends many a quiet night shift writing new songs. Of course, Mojo is always willing to listen and enjoy.