The Remodeled Library

Gertrude hears Yazeba’s voice echoing from somewhere far away. She swallows audibly, realizing the witch doesn’t intend to help her. She’s on her own.

Fortunately, she’s read this book too many times to count. She knows the world of Heartsword like the back of her hand. Squaring her shoulders, she steps out from her hiding spot.

"Algar" and Captain Redtooth whirl to face her, startled by her sudden appearance. "Yarr! And just who do you think you be?" Redtooth calls out in challenge.

Gertrude clears her throat. "I am, uh... Gertaria, of the Masked Meadow Fairies! I have come to guide you on your quest against the evil Emperor Zot! I have the power of foresight, you see, and I know all about the challenges that lay before you. Allow me to accompany you, brave warriors, and I shall help you prevail!"

The two protagonists share a glance. "She seems trustworthy," Algar says in a deep, husky voice.

Redtooth grins. "Alright then, Fairie Lass. Let us journey together, and we shall see what your power can do."

Gertrude smiles to herself. This may actually be kind of fun...

"Oh, Ratto! How wonderful it is to see you!"
Amelie isn’t sure what exactly to say to Ratto, since Ratto can only reply ‘Rats.’ But she does respond well to the maid-bot’s voice… which gives them an idea. "I was thinking that the book of All Knowledge might be TMI." (For a robot, too much information is literal. Memory is finite, after all.) "Would you mind helping me pick out a lighter book? And if you would like me to read a story aloud to you, just point to a book and say ‘rats’ three times."

Merv smiles nervously at Yazeba's comments, gulping at the sarcasm. But once she softens and talks about the book he choose, Merv's smile widens into a genuine one, even showing his prominent canines. Before he can reply, she is off, caught up in the activity of the library and its guests.

He absent-mindedly walks to a book nook to peruse the tome he picked. He licks the tip of his index finger as he flips pages, reading about the daily lives of various cryptids. As Yazeba said, it is fascinating despite some obvious confusion regarding the chupacabra bill payment habits.

Merv closes the book and his gaze drifts over the library and the others in it until coming to rest on a locked glass case on the second story. He almost drops the cryptid book in his amazement but manages to catch it just as it is about to slip from his grip. From his experience with private book collections, he knows this is where the truly unique tomes are almost always kept. Trying not to look like a child spotting a comically oversized lollipop, he bounds up the stairs and speed walks over to the case, hand reaching out to it. He comes to his senses just in time and pulls back his hand.

"Madam Yazeba!" he calls out, a bit too loudly, as he leans over the railing. "I simply must see what marvels you have locked up for safe keeping in this case! Please, unlock it so that I might see the crown jewels of your collection!" He begins pulling a pair of rumpled white cloth gloves from a trouser pocket.

"Rats!" Ratto says to Amelie. The rat wanders through the library for a bit before reaching a surprisingly large section of books about airplanes. The little rodent's eyes widen as she points to one of the books there, Stick and Rudder: An Explanation of the Art of Flying by Oscar Wildeblueyonder.

"Rats! Rats! Rats!" Ratto squeaks.

Yazeba, halfway through lighting yet another cigarette, freezes when Merv’s booming voice calls out to her from the second story. She exhales sharply, the plume of smoke rising like a warning. Slowly, deliberately, she turns her head upward, one eyebrow arched - a guillotine poised to drop.

"Those books aren’t for prying eyes or sticky fingers, Mr. Larkin. They’re locked up for a reason—two reasons, actually. One: curiosity killed the proverbial cat, and two: satisfaction didn’t bring it back." She flicks ash from her cigarette with practiced precision. "So, gloves back into pockets and come help me with Gertrude and this book. I need a librarian's touch."

Ratto’s squeaks draw Yazeba’s attention as she’s finishing with Merv. Her sharp expression softens ever so slightly as she spots the rat pointing at Stick and Rudder.

"Well, look at that," Yazeba says, amused. "You’ve got good taste for a rodent, Ratto. That’s a classic. Wildeblueyonder might’ve been blind, but at least they knew their way around the skies. Go ahead, Amelie. Read it to her—I like a rodent with aspirations." She mutters to no one in particular, "I once knew a bat who longed to play Pinocle. What a dreamer, that one."

"And yes, Mr. Wakeman, I haven't forgotten you. You may borrow The Rapping Stick. On one condition: sometime before you leave the Bed & Breakfast, I'd like to read one paragraph from a story you're working on."

Yazeba smokes. She stands watch over Heartsword. And she waits for the librarian.

Amelie opens the chosen book and invites Ratto to sit on the armrest of the sofa so she can see what Amelie is reading.

The first paragraph starts with a question: How is flying an art form? Amelie reads it in the tone of a mother saying "once upon a time." They point to the diagrams and old photos, and when reading about the many failed attempts at flight, the maid-bot uses their vacuum cleaner and other tools to imitate the sounds of sputtering engines, collapsing wings—and for the Wright Brothers’ successful take-off: a whoosh!

(Well, the vacuum cleaner sounds more like gazhweeeeeeee… but the Power of Imagination makes it whooshy enough to a robot or rat who is immersed in the story.)

Amelie is quite the storyteller, making a nonfiction book read like an adventure! The maid-bot gets so into it, they don’t realize that—while waving their powerful vacuum arm about—a cigarette is swept out of Yazeba’s lips from fifteen feet away! It (artfully) flies across the room directly into the vacuum!

Dejectedly, Merv wads his white gloves up and stuffs them back in a pocket. But then he realizes that maybe daring action could demonstrate his worth and get Yazeba to open the rare book cabinet to him. So he straightens his back, smooths his jacket out, and strides purposefully to the copy of Heartsword. He pauses a moment and says to Yazeba, "Are we sure she even wants to be rescued? If the young lady picked the book, perhaps she is enjoying herself lost within its pages. And books can be quite transformative for young minds after all." He leans in to read from the page the books is open to. Despite the purple prose, he thinks it is quite engaging. "Gertrude...er Gertaria... if you can hear me in there, let that Emperor Zot really have it!"

Another voice reaches Gertrude's ears, cheering her on. She squares her shoulders as she guides the characters from the book, the disguised princess and the fearsome pirate captain, to where they need to be. "There. Your destiny lies yonder, brave heroes," she says in her best fairy voice. "The one you will find there will guide you to the Heartsword's resting place, and with that you will be able to defeat Emperor Zot and free the realm from his tyranny."

Captain Redtooth grins and stalks forward through the brush, but the knight "Alle" hesitates. Gertrude steps forward and puts a hand on "his" shoulder. "I know you are doubting yourself. Your true self. But I have seen your future. In the end, it is not this masculine facade you have conjured, but your feminine strength, that will help you to prevail."

The disguised princess gasps. "What? H-how do you...?"

Gertrude puts a finger to the mouth of her mask. "Worry not. That is your secret to reveal when the time is right. For now, go. And remember, when all seems lost, your friends are your true strength."The princess gives one last look at the strange masked "fairy" before following Captain Redtooth. Gertrude suddenly finds herself floating up, up, back out of the book, and she can see the scene beneath her as it changes back into mere words:Gertrude finds herself back in the library, standing next to Yazeba and Merv Larkin. She looks at the book and then to Yazeba. "I'm sorry! I don't know what happened. I didn't mean to get sucked into the book like that! Please don't be mad!" she says, wringing her hands.

Ratto is enraptured by the book Amelie is reading, her imagination running wild with flights of fancy.Across the room, Rag-and-Bones growls with frustration at his inability to decode the Professor Paws comic book. Perhaps the Apocalypse Invocation is hidden somewhere else. He looks up and sees Ratto snuggling up to Amelie, and his jaw drops. As in, it literally drops, clattering to the floor. The skeleton picks it up and reattaches it to his face before stalking over to his minion.

"Ratto? What are you doing here? You're supposed to be waiting downstairs while I locate the Apocalypse Invocation here in Yazeba's library! Then when I give the signal, you're supposed to cause a distraction so I can abscond with the Invocation. Then I can finally use it to bring about the glorious end of the world!" Rag-and-Bones declares.Belatedly, Rag-and-Bones looks around to see everybody else staring at him. He clears his throat and puts on his Demi Gorgone voice. "Ahem, what a lark! I was just... running lines for one of my potential roles, in which I play an, um, evil skeleton intent on global annihilation. Coming soon to a theater near you, probably!"

Amelie hears the plan. Then the lie.

"A movie." Amelie glances up from the book. "If it ends with the end of the world, that leaves no room for a sequel."Unless Ratto joins Rag-and-Bones, Amelie continues to read to the dear little mouse.

Yazeba, glaring at Amelie's vacuum arm, slowly turns to face Rag-and-Bones, her expression unmistakable. She lets a long, deliberate pause hang in the air before finally speaking.

"Well, isn’t this just the most entertaining bit of theater I’ve ever had the displeasure of witnessing," she says, voice heavy like a looming rainstorm. She steps closer to the skeleton, eyes narrowing. "So let me get this straight. You’re searching my library for an Apocalypse Invocation… to end the world, including yourself, your loyal rodent minion, and all tomorrow's cat comic enthusiasts?"

She glances at Ratto, then Amelie, her voice now cold, disheartened. "And your best cover story for this little escapade is ‘I’m running lines’? Really, Semi Gorgone?" She spits out the name with vigor. "Fiends' feast! I don’t know if I should be more insulted by your porous plan or by your lazy lie. Truly rude!"

Turning to Amelie, Yazeba adds, "You’re absolutely right in your analysis. No sequel. No after-the-credits scene. No, no nothing. Depressingly nihilistic."

Yazeba pauses before attending to Gertrude's plea for mercy.

"I’m not mad at you," she tells them, her tone worn. "If anything, I’m impressed. Not everyone can handle themselves in a fiction like that without losing their heads—or the narrative thread." She winks. "Besides, from time to time we all get trapped in one fiction or another. And we've all got secrets to reveal when the time is right, don't you think?"Yazeba’s eyes then hone in on the cookbook in Edmund’s hands. She arches a brow at the title.

"Now there’s an impractical read," she remarks. "I can’t promise the recipes won’t leave you questioning the ‘not entirely’ part. But - page fifty-seven - Nightshade Upside-down Cake? To die for."

She shakes her head and turns to the group, raising her voice. "Listen up, you lot. There's a rising tide of mischief, magic, mystery, and mayhem in here. Do not break my books - or each other. If you do, the library’s closed. Permanently. Got it?"

Rag-and-Bones sputters at Yazeba's reproach. "Wha--? I mean... that is to say... Curses! How did you penetrate my perfect disguise?!?"

The skeleton rips off his sunglasses and fake snakes and shakes his bony fists at the witch. "Ridicule my plans if you must, but dismiss me at your peril! I will get my hands on the Apocalypse Invocation, if it's the last thing I do! You haven't seen the last of Rag-and-Bones, Yazeba!"

He turns and races out of the library. Ratto turns to follow her master, but she pauses and looks back to the book about flight. She looks up at Yazeba and plaintively squeaks, "Rats?" as if asking permission to borrow the book.

Sensing that the library will not be open much longer due to the chaos swirling around and Yazeba's patience wearing thin, Merv quickly looks at the various sections and then ducks into the Astronomy and Astrology section. He searches the shelves as his heart pounds in his chest until he finds a volume entitled The Moon in Retrograde: Things Hidden and Unseen by Dr. Morticia Bunzette and tucks it under his arm with the Cryptozoology book he decided to check out earlier.

Gertrude carefully puts the copy of Heartsword back on the shelf. She doesn't know if the book itself is magical or if her adventure inside its pages was a product of her own nascent spark of potential power, but she doesn't want to trifle with it again just yet. Instead, she heads to the section of the library titled "Reference, Encyclopedia and Lexicons," hoping to start somewhere simpler in the pursuit of what could possibly be a future as Yazeba's apprentice.

She sighs as she pulls forth Magic for Dummies, by Al A. Kazam. "Do you mind if I borrow this one, Yazeba?" she asks.

Yazeba watches Rag-and-Bones tear out of the library, dramatic exit punctuated by the rattling of his bones. She walks over and picks up those absurd paper-mache snakes left upon the floor. She exhales a plume of smoke and mutters, "Curses schmurses."

She turns to Ratto, intrigued by the little rodent’s plaintive squeak. She crouches down to eye level. "You can borrow it. But if you chew the corners, even a little bit, I'll have Amelie vacuum you up!" and she makes a schlurping sound while waving her fingers in the rat's general direction.

Yazeba then glances at Merv, the hurried scholar, clutching his books like a child hoarding candy. She smirks. "The Moon in Retrograde, huh? A fine read, little long in the tooth. One warning, Larkin: not everything hidden wants to be found. Sometimes, you’re simply better off leaving unseen things unseen."

At Gertrude's question, Yazeba's lips twitch into something between amusement and approval. "Now that book is good reminder to start at the bottom, Gertrude. It's the only way to get to the top." She flicks ash from her cigarette and nods. "Please borrow it. But don’t let it fill your head with nonsense - or worse - mediocrity. If you’re serious about learning after you finish it, we can talk more."

Yazeba catches sight of Edmund holding Famous Frauds and Economic Cons. She can't help but comment, "All the greats in that one, Edmund: Enron, Theranos, WorldCom, and even a blurb on Victor Lustig. A real testament to human nature." She laughs so hard she snorts smoke.

"Who knew we had so many avid readers under the roof?"

Amelie is impressed with Ratto’s curiosity. They too wanted to borrow a science book.

Science Fact or Science Fiction…?

Amelie can’t decide. And making it even more difficult are the titles.


Artificial Life, a sci-fi novel with a robot protagonist who becomes sentient, question mark vs. Art: Official Life, a book about the importance of art in developing a scientific understanding of—

"Of everything! And they even have a photography chapter!"Amelie feels both books are relatable, but truth is stranger than fiction, so fact it is. "May I please borrow this book?"