Stage 1 - The Massholes!

As the beam katana's hilt falls to the ground, Murasaki makes a dive for it! She reignites the laser blade with the press of a button and brandishes it against its former wielder. The blade's color shifts from red to purple.

"I didn't except a perfect gadouken from you, O'hara-san! Not only that, you misdirected him further by calling out an entirely different technique. Incredible!" Having complete faith in her leader, Murasaki seems to think Lacey did it on purpose. She turns her attention back to the oni before her and comes in for a slash!

•
👹 ONI WAB KEBONI
____________________________________

The oni opens his hands for a double force choke. But the Murasaki stops the demon with his own weapon.

👺

Swingin’ Dick

Dick looks back at Oni Wab Keboni getting his ass handed to him. "You have failed me for the last time," he says in a tone of obvious disappointment. He then books it to the top of the hill. "Ya fuckin’ twit!" he adds.

"Ki-yah!" Gong-Ju shouts as she leaps at the disarmed oni. She stabs him with her trident, then uses the momentum to POGO VAULT off of him, hoping to evade any counter attack!

Murasaki sees a fireball heading right for her! She just barely manages to leap over it, feeling the heat of the flames singing the tips of her hair as she twists midair.

Murasaki's words of encouragement make Lacey beam with delight...even though she was totally flailing about, and lucked into a good result. But as they say: better to be lucky than good. They also say: fake it until you make it.

But her luck has already run out, as a giant fireball is roaring her way! She feels its heat as it sizzles towards her, and wonders how much this'll hurt....

"Watch out!" Just before the fireball can reach Lacey, Murasaki shoves her out of the way! Now she's the one about to be fried, but she thinks fast and rapidly spins the beam katana in front of her, dispersing the fireball. The heat is almost unbearable as it washes over her, but she's avoided a direct hit.

Swingin’ Dick is visibly miffed as Lacey is almost hit, but Murasaki shoves her to safety without so much as a singe on her yoga pants.

He watches the remaining fireball’s trajectory toward Gemini.

👺

Swingin’ Dick

"I am so expecting disappointment, it’ll almost be disappointing to not get disappointed."







"SHRUG."


🗿

The thing about using fireballs on a free spirited skater fairy, who's element is fire, is that it doesn't really work. Gemini moves just enough to avoid the kinetic force of the projectile, then skims her board over the updraft from the heat as though she'd just gone over a ramp. The ensuing repertoire of board tricks are enough to get her mind back on the situation, and lift her spirits.

"Not bad mountain dude, got any good slopes to drift on too?" She smiles lasily.

👺

Swingin’ Dick

The oni boss face-palms. He says to the mountain face, "You want three strengths and a weakness? Fine.

"Three strengths: wow, those those three snot-rockets you fired at those girls sure looked deadly.

"The weakness: ALL THREE FUCKING MISSED!"

He turns to face, you, dear B☢️MBSHELLS.

"I’ll take you on myself. It’ll be good to carve out a few practice hearts before I cut out the Maiden’s. It’ll be my first time."

👹

An Oni Schmuck

"Does that mean you’re a maiden too, boss?"





🪙
✨
💫
✨
💫
🌟

•
👺 SWINGIN’ DICK
____________________________________
•
👹👹👹👹👹👹👹 ONI GOSH!
____________________________________

👺

Swingin’ Dick

"FAAAA—"

Swingin’ Dick is about to blast all of you (even The Mother) with a fadouken! It’s hotter than Murasaki’s hadouken and faster than Lacey’s gadouken!

But his minion’s stupid question deserves an answer.

"—AAAUCK, NO, I’M NOT A MAIDEN! WHAT THE HELL’S A MATTER WITH YA?!"

The minions clam up and fall in line, knowing the best way to stop the party-infighting is to not respond.

"Now where was I? Oh yeah. FAAADOOOO—"

The mountain face’s voice booms,
"ROUND ONE…

FIGHT!!"
"—WHO ASKED YOU?!"


@Eltesla,@Tickettbror,@Dmbrainiac,@Totes_McGee

Lacey knows a boss fight when she sees one. This battle needs more than mace, sloppy fireballs, or Blue Candles. It's time to use her Girl Power!

She removes her red high heel (in a quite fetching manner), and fiddles with the Shoe Phone. Eventually she finds an app called MegaVoice, which enhances her phone's speakers, effectively turning it into a megaphone.

Speaking into it, her voice now carries far through the land, and certainly up to Mountain Face, who she's actually addressing.

"Hello, Mountain...Face? I don't know your name, sorry. Listen, we've overheard these mean-spirited oni and their insults. It's clear they don't appreciate you. I mean, you can't be expected to shoot fireballs with 100% accuracy, right? How about you ditch those jackasses and help us? We're four hot babes with tons of different abilities! We can definitely pay you back somehow after the fight's over. Maybe find a cliff or boulder that's looking for love, and hook you two up? Or [smiling salaciously] maybe you prefer flesh-and-blood paramours?"

Call an NPC, or activate a Shoe Phone App.

No matter where in the post-apocalyptic world you are, Shoe Phone calls aren’t toll-free. You need to spend a 👠.

🗿



"YOU WANT ME TO AID YOU. MY ONLY ATTACK IS TO EXHALE FIRE. THE ONI DO NOT BURN.

"THAT IS THE GRIM REALITY. IF I BREATHE FIRE, IT CAN ONLY AFFECT YOU."

As if you prove his point, he exhales fire.

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
FWUMP!
It’s impossible to dodge! The entire world is bright orange for several seconds—

…yet, you feel no pain. If anything, you feel stronger somehow.

"Fired up!" Gong-Ju cheers. She charges into the crowd of oni, swinging her trident!

Gong-Ju unleashes a rapid combo attack with an explosive finish!

•
👹❌❌❌❌❌❌ ONI GOSH!
____________________________________

The last oni drops his spiked club and flees!

👹

The Last Oni Schmuck

"EEEEEEEEEEE…!!"





•

Murasaki leaps out of the unexpectedly helpful flames, blazing with a newfound energy! Her beam katana's blade erupts with energy, upgrading into more of a greatsword, flickering like a purple bonfire. "Thank you, mountain! Your gift shall not be in vain!"

She grasps the beam katana's hilt with both hands as she rushes forth after Gong-Ju. She slashes at the sole remaining oni as she passes by, severing one of his horns as she drops him.

"You have no more allies left! I suggest you relinquish the Maiden to us." Murasaki calls to Dick. "Put up a fight, and it won't be our hearts that get carved out."

•
👺 SWINGIN’ DICK
____________________________________
•
❌ ONI GOSH!
____________________________________

Swingin’ Dick is slightly singed from the flameblade taking down the last oni minion!

It may be true that the oni do not burn, but for some reason, the fire from the mountain strengthens the B☢️MBSHELLS’ attacks against the Oni!

"That mountain seems a real chill bro." Gemini grins.

If Oni don't burn though, that makes things difficult. A fire type fairy can't exactly use fire magic on things that don't burn. Then again, she'd always been the kind of person who did things her own way, a total free spirit. If a fairy with a fire type can make fire, it stands to reason she'd be able to take it away. Right? Well, old dogs and new tricks, why not try?

She takes a deep breath as though she's about to suck all the fire up, and if it hinders Swingin' Dick all the better.