Guys, I want to apologize. I have this thing, which is best named as social anxiety, and it can be very tough on me. I regularly had this in tabletop gaming, but sooner or later I could usually get over it. I fully expected it to be not at all, or hardly present in pbp (online, no immediate pressure, no-one looking in my eye expectingly), but the long time since I logged in was exactly because of this stress. Right now it felt like running a marathon to log in, my lizard mind wanted me so much to run away and hide.
I'll put this game on the hanger till I can get over this -- and I don't know how long this is gonna take. Maybe I gather some emotional? stamina with time, or try running a game for a single player, but this does not work for me right now.
Sorry to you all.