Wash Cycle

Sal lets out a low whistle as he looks over the vast landscape of laundry piles that fill the room. He looks at Gertrude and the others who he's managed to corral into helping get the task done. "Alright, folks. I've got to finish the letter I'm writing to a talent scout, so let's buckle up and get this done. Grab some pantalones and toss 'em in the washer!"

He aims to lead by example, gathering up an armful of dirty clothes.

Gertrude regrets offering to help as they descend into the foul smelling laundry room. But she doesn't see any way out except forward. So she grabs a handful of towels to start helping.But the smell of ammonia and sulfur rises off the towels making her eyes water behind her mask. "Ugh, is that Dog, Dog, N'Dog pee?! Why is it on the towels?! Barf." She manages to turn her head and keep working.

The enormous lava elemental thumps into the laundry room. He's been wanting to try out a new trade and launderer seems as good as any other.

"I'm on it, Sal!" he says in a deep voice as he grabs a huge armful of dirty shirts and brings them to the washing machine.

Amelie is overhead in the hall, talking to someone.

"I will be fine. I am getting the hang of pyromancy. I can still warm the clothing that is being washed."

"But who will hang the laundry my dear," Demi asks as the escorts the one-armed maid into the laundry room.

And immediately regrets it.

"Apparently me."

Looking into the eyes of the laundry crew, the star is too proud to back down.

"Of course, me! I’m practicing for a role. Snakes on a Maid. It’s true! Amelie, you play the master of the house. Say the line I told you earlier."

Amelie places their left hand on their left hip, and their right shoulder is vaguely shifted toward Demi. If there were a hand, Amelie would point or finger wag or shake a fist, perhaps.

"I have had it with these adult language snakes on this adult language maid."

Demi purses her lips.

"Well these snakes work just as hard as I do, so they deserve a maid’s wage each!"

"That is a great line. So I assume your snakes also get paid as actresses."

Demi gives her purse a look that could turn her cell phone to stone.

"I am so calling my agent…

"After my work here is done, that is! How can I—oh!"

She grabs a filthy tee-shirt. It smells of dog urine, but triple the intensity. She holds it away from her face, arm outstretched, gripping a dry spot with thumb-and-index-fingernail. The snakes on her head lean away, their tiny faces puffing from holding their breath.

"It’s a hard knock life
For me
Why does this tee smell
Like pee..?"

Sal waves at Demi and Amelie. "Hey, hey! The more the merrier! See, Gert, it's like they say: teamwork makes the dream work!" He pats the masked teen on the shoulder, then reaches for another bundle of dirty clothes to stuff into the washing machine. He shuts the door and turns it on, washing as sudsy water fills the device and it begins to rattle and shake.

Gertrude stifles a sigh seeing how much more laundry is left. She would rather be working on her Heartsword story. She had just thought of a good line for Captain Redtooth during the fight at Brackled Bay and didn't want to forgot. Teamwork wasn't helping that dream work.

Still distracted, Gertrude grabs the load out of the washer and starts to walk over to the dryer. But then stumbles in the mass of sheets strewn on the floor and falls face first into them with the load of clean clothes.

She pushes herself up - only to realize the sheets somehow had mustard and bits of corned beef on them. And it is now on her hands. "OMG thats foul! Why is anyone eating lunch IN BED! Ugh!"

Percy rushes over and helps Gertrude up. He grabs a clean pair of pants the she just took out of the washer and starts wiping the smeared mustard and beef bits off her.

"Oh no! I'm so sorry Gertrude! That's terrible."

Amelie isn’t going to be terribly useful with one arm… except when it’s time to dry.

"This is my moment to shine."

Demi starts to hang clothes by the warmth of the flame Amelie holds up in their left hand.

"Ooh! Beautiful! Such dramatic lighting!" Indeed, the shapes and colors of the clothing fill the room with dancing shadows and warm colors.

"Reminds me of the stagehand I married… ever faithful to the craft, he left me, but is still backstage this very day…"Demi is getting the hang of this ‘maid role.’ She moves the next load of smelly clothes, which also reminds her of an ex-husband. This time, she keeps the story to herself…

"On your feet, Gert! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and let's keep it moving!" Sal says encouragingly. He waits for Demi Gorgone to step out of the way before dumping another armful of dirty laundry into the washing machine.

---

Percy grabs another huge armful of dirty clothes. This time they are stinky, soiled socks. But ignoring the smell, he takes them over to the washer that Gertrude is loading.

"Laundry is such an important but unappreciated chore. You take something dirty and make it clean! And there is nothing quite as wonderful as freshly laundered clothes - the smell, the feel. So satisfying," Percy says.

"I guess that's one way to look at it," Gertrude says as Percy hands the dirty socks over for her to load. She grabs them and stuffs them all into washer as quickly as she can.

Then she steps away and lets out the breath she was holding. "But that doesn't make the smells any worse," she mutters to herself.

Demi fast-walks in a bit of panic as she carries two armloads of Lady Sheridan’s stockings and "are these pantaloons or something?"The star giggles with relief that she got all the granny-panties and such into the wash in one take. "I’m a natural!"

"Yeah you are, Demi! A star of the big screen and the laundry room!" Sal says with a grin. This is going great! He reaches out to tug on a particularly stubborn pair of jeans stuck in the middle of a mountain of clothes. He yanks it free, but with an ominous rubble, the teetering tower topples over on top of him! "Aargh~!" Sal shouts before he is buried in britches, blouses, and brassieres.

From within the pile, his muffled voice calls out, "A little help?"

Amelie rushes to Sal’s aid. "Allow me."

The maid-bot gives a good tug on the pile and BZZT!

"Whoopsie… well, there goes my other arm."

Their arm indeed came right out of its socket. The pile was too much for Amelie to handle with one arm missing. With both now detached, Amelie is either forced into Bed Rest Mode… or maybe she actually passed out!

Gertrude laughs coldly at Amelie's inert form. "Does this mean she worked herself to death?" she snickers. At a disapproving look from Percy, she rolls her eyes and adds "Oh please. She's not dead dead. Obvi."

She pulls Amelie's arm out of the pile and tosses it to the side before grabbing laundry off the pile burying Sal. She casually loads it into the washer, seemingly in no hurry to free Sal.

The enormous lava elemental lets out a tsk that sounds like cracking rocks as he takes a giant armful of clothes from the mound covering Sal and loads them into the washer.Then he picks up Amelie's detached arm and pops it back into the socket. He grabs a tiny wrench and screwdriver from his shirt pocket to make some adjustments and secure the limb.

Amelie turns to Percy and says, "Why thank you."

The maid-bot patiently waits until their arm is secure before making further attempts to be helpful.

Sal laughs as Percy frees him from the avalanche. "Thanks, lava dude. You’re a pal!"

He then proceeds to put the original clothes he grabbed into the washin machine.

---

Percy collects another giant armful of dirty clothes and loads them into a washer. He measures out the detergent, even the industrial size bottle looking tiny in his hands

"Any time, Sal! You should see the laundry I had to deal with at home. Dragon spit from mom, boiler sediment from dad. We went through so many washers! But I did learn a thing or two about how to keep 'em running though," he says, setting the cycle and pressing the start button.

Gertrude leans laconically against the washer, regretting letting herself get roped into this chore. She is trying to think of an excuse to leave early, but then she hears a knocking clank coming from the washer.

"Gah! Whats that?! Is it possessed??" she says as the washer starts jumping and rocking wildly.

Demi says calmly, "I will handle this."

She glares at the washing machine. "Stay still and be quiet," she commands it as she removes her sunglasses.

Of course, her gaze does not turn the washing machine to stone.

She puts her sunglasses back on, and gives Gert a sheepish grin. "An old habit I mean to curb. Well, I gave it the old college try."

She looks at Amelie like, are you not the expert?

Amelie feels her arm is sufficiently intact, so she rises, walks over to the machine and gently pats it. "Easy there, Washington," she says.

The machine appreciates being addressed by name, and replies to the maid-bot,
111101

The washing machine calms down as Amelie speaks to it, allowing them to remove the clean clothes and put them in the dryer. Sal grins and claps Amelie on their metallic shoulder. "Nice job, Ames. You were definitely maid for this!" His grin widens as he takes pride in his pun. He hopes Amelie finds it inspiring as well!

The night porter then opens the dryer and tosses all of the clean clothes into the nearby hampers. "Nice job, gang! We're halfway there. Whoa-OH! Livin' on a prayer!"

---

Percy smiles as Sal sings. "Wonderful, Sal! Singing always makes the work go faster." The lava elemental hums along, swinging his large frame to the beat as they start loading the washer again for another load.

Gertrude looks at the still large and foul pile of dirty laundry. But she makes no move to get back into the chore. Instead she turns to Demi and says "Can you teach me to turn people to stone?"

She leans in toward the actress and whispers "I'm going to be a witch like Yazeba. And anyone that doesn't like it, I'll just *POOF* stone them." She smirks at the very idea.

Sal sings as he works!

"We've gotta hold on to what we've got
It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not
We got each other, and that's a lot for love
We'll give it a shot!"

Demi can’t resist Sal’s song cue.

"Oooooooooh—half way there! Oh-oh, living on a curse from the gods!" It doesn’t rhyme when she changes the lyrics, but… "Well… I am."

She gets back to practicing for her maid role.

Sal leaps onto a hill of dirty clothes as he strikes a pose.

"Take my hand, and we'll make it I swear

WHOOA-OH! LIVIN' ON A PRAYER!
LIVIN' ON A PRAAAYER!"

Sal belts it out! Eat your heart out, Jon Bon Jovi!He then kicks the pile of clothes into the washer, which closes and begins to bubble and churn!

---

With the current load of washing underway, Gertrude grabs the giant bottle of detergent to move it out of the way. But it is heavier than she expected and it slips from her hand, dropping to the ground with a thud. It lands on its side and the cracked lid oozes bright blue goo all over the floor."Well somebody should probably clean that up." She looks around pointedly at the others."Ugh, fine. I'll do it." She grabs a roll of paper towels and starts ripping off sheets, punching them up, and throwing them onto the puddle of blue chemical.

Amelie only needs one arm to vacuum a chemical spill.

"I can help."

SHLOOpAmelie is mortified to discover what is jamming the arm-vacuum, and tries to be nonchalant.

Demi has her snake hair peer inside the jammed vacuum. Two of the snakes tug and…

RIIIIIIIiiiiiiIIIIP!

—each yanks out a half of Yazeba’s granny panties!"Oh! What have I done to deserve this fate!" Glaring in the direction of the gods that cursed her, she adds, "Lately?"

"You guys are getting too wild! Smooth grooves, dudes. Just ride the vibes, like Percy here. My man gets it!" Sal says. He gives the bewildered elemental a high five as he empties the washer into the dryer.

---

"Are those Yazeba's... No. Nonononono. So much ick. I should never have agreed to help." Gertrude dramatically and loudly dry heaves behind her mask.

A smile splits across Percy's obsidian face as he loads another towering armful of brightly colored clothes into the washer.

"I think this was my new personal best for dirty laundry loaded at one time! Anyone want to try and beat it? The winner goes on the wall of fame upstairs!"

Demi decides to show her grossed out snakes the sacrifice a star makes. "Watch and learn, girls," she says, tossing her hair to get their full attention as she holds out a sock at arm’s length and puts it in the wash.

"Woo hoo! I can see the floor again!" Sal proclaims as the laundry pile nears its end. "Keep going!" He throws more clothes into the washing machine.

---

Demi recalls moving a single sock to the wash. She finds the other now.

Her star power (and certainly not her inefficiency) compels others to quickly load the dryer.She and her snakes all make the same I-Told-You-So face. "Teamwork makes the drea—" She whips out her phone. "Agent Bob? Call Dreamworks and tell ’em I’m doubling their offer." She hangs up on her agent’s protesting voice.

Amelie uses pyromancy to dry the load, once the washing is done."Dreaming… that sounds splendid," Amelie says dreamily.

With the washer full and Amelie standing by to accelerate the drying, Sal grins and puts his arms behind his head. "You got this, guys? Yeah, you got this! I'm gonna go finish that letter."

He walks off, content to let the others put the finishing touches on the laundry.

Demi agrees with Sal. "I’m gonna exit stage…"

By time the diva says "left," she has already left earshot.

Percy leaves with Sal and Demi, content in the knowledge the B&B has fresh laundry again.

Meanwhile, Gertrude slides over to Amelie. "Sup. I noticed you using some fire magic. Well, I can use magic too now," she says as she flings open the dryer. Then she makes finger guns and starts 'blasting' at the clothes making pew pew noises. The fresh clothes twitch and then start twirling through the air and into the hamper on their own. "Hmm. They were supposed to fold themselves too," she says, looking at her finger guns. "Eh, close enough," she shrugs.

"I'm finally free!" she yells as she moonwalks out of the laundry room and back to the B&B.

Seeing everyone leaving and Amelie staying behind alone, Demi doubles back."The one-armed bandit who stole my heart will not work overtime alone," the star dramatically trills.

She watches Amelie work overtime, then does one or two things and feels she’s perfect for the maid role.

"Thank you." What else can the maid-bot say?