Al and Erevain

As soon as she is in their room at the inn and free of her plate mail, Alalla collapses face first into bed. "Well," she mutters to Erevain through her faceful of pillow, "that was one of the better outcomes I could have hoped for."

Alalla feels the bed shift as Erevain sits next to her on its edge. His hand begins to knead her back, massaging muscles that only a warrior would know ache after wearing plate armor for long. "Something has gone well. Finally! Tell me, sharuhk, what happened in the temple?"

Alalla groans as Erevain releases knots she had put out of her mind so long ago she forgot they were there. After a moment she turns her head so her face is clear to speak.

"I went in the temple to... pray to Torm. I knew I needed to make paladin oaths to gain more power against Belhifet, but what if Torm started sending me on all kinds of holy errands? I have responsibilities with my Cagebreakers. What if eradicating them became one of those holy errands? I had to be sure what I was getting into, and I had no one to ask but him." She pauses, both to collect her thoughts and to breathe through the pain as Erevain works over one of her newer scars both grateful for and angry over the attention.

"He answered. He brought me to his realm in some kind of projection and he spoke to me like an equal. Well, not like an equal." She searches for the words. "But like I mattered.

He answered my questions plainly and honestly. No games. I wanted to know who exactly who I would be swearing to so he showed me his life. No hiding the bad parts, no playing up the good. I asked him what he would require of me, and he told me basically that I could continue as I have been, but that I would do things in his name. In exchange he grants power, an endorsement of my cause, and any aid he can with Gruumsh. Options are tricky and limited, and there is still much searching to be done on that front, but he said he would help.

So I swore."

Alalla can hear Erevain’s wide smile. "This is wonderful news! Indeed, what better outcome could we have hoped for? You are safe, at peace, and empowered both to fight Belhifet and to lead your people to a better way!" The elf lightly touches her hair. "I am so proud of you."

"At peace..." Alalla chuckles softly. "Of all the things I've been searching for, and of all the things I hoped Torm could give me, I hadn't even considered that one. But I am."

She rolls over and sits up. "Torm had my life displayed over a bunch of pillars. Paintings of certain moments. Seeing it laid out like that... I started to understand what you were talking about when you were in the sword. That stuff about having perspective to see you had done enough.

Then I went to see the Cagebreakers- they're camped close by- and Keggruk over a couple hundred more orcs with him than when we were there last! He did that all without me, and I can tell they've made progress. He swore himself to Torm tonight and the people celebrated." Her beads click as she shakes her head with awe at the whole thing.

"There's so much work to do still, and I'm not going to stop until I'm made to, but if I die tomorrow, it won't matter. I've done enough."

Erevain sighs, and it seems to Alalla that all of the elf's muscles have relaxed, as though a great weight has been lifted from his shoulders. "You've done it, sharuhk. You are free of both Gruumsh and Belhifet. You are in a place - spiritually - to do more good than most people will ever be."

His hands fall into his lap. "You are going to be alright... and you've done it all yourself."

Alalla sits up with a scoff. "Hardly." She takes her husband's pale hand in her dark one. "If not for you I likely would have been too prideful or wounded- or both- to turn to the gods for help. Lord Ulbrec's book would have stayed with him or ended up in the snow."

"And I'm not free from Belhifet. Not really. He still holds my strength." She grips Erevain's hand tightly, then continues with some hesitation. "I could make a deal with him at any time. I like to think I won't, and that I can resist him, but I'll only know there is no risk of that when he is dead, or I am."

Erevain’s lips turn up in a smile. "Then I have done something good. Something worthwhile in my centuries of life."

His fine brow furrows as he considers Alala’s words. "But what purpose would Belhifet’s death actually serve? He will not stay dead, for fiends are incarnations of evil itself, and so are subject to a certain form of immortality." He chuckles, but there is a darkness to it. "After slaying him here, will you pursue him through the Nine Hells to put a sure and final end to him?"

Alalla rolls her eyes. "I know for a fact that hasn't been the only worthwhile thing you've done to justify your years. But you're right, you know. It's all for naught. But you know what? I'm still packed. Let's slip out of town and go back to the Moonshae Isles. I'm dying to feel warm sand again."

Erevain sighs and puts an arm around her. "Yes, that would be nice. But I’m afraid I am fresh out of helpful wizards willing to lend out helms of teleportation."

He lingers for a moment, then turns to look at her. "Are you still the leader of this party?"

Alalla draws him in closer. "Hm? I suppose. No one has said otherwise. Though I can't say my leadership really counts for much."

Erevain taps her hand thoughtfully. "Your leadership has made all the difference. But with all of the responsibilities to the orcs, perhaps the party would best be served by having another leader. Someone more focused..." He chuckles and shakes his head. "When will Zenithral step forward and take charge?"

Alalla laughs. "Truly! Maybe Halla will teach him a bit more about commitment." She taps Erevain's hand back, a little scoldingly. "Though I resent your implications, once again, that I am distracted. Do I really do so poor a job handling my responsibilities?" She started mock scolding, but concern and worry seeps through her manner by the end.

Erevain lays a reassuring hand on her arm. "You have done exceptionally well! Perhaps I merely long for a little more free time for myself." He gestures to the window. "Then again, it may be better to wait until this is all over." He lapses off into silence, his green eyes clouded over with deep thoughts.

Alalla frowns. "Is there free time at all, when we are at war? I've always been dissatisfied with what I had to give you, and I didn't even understand what we were mired in, then." She shifts so that she can take a turn working on Erevain's tight muscles. "There's nearly a week until our meeting with Ilmadia. There is a little I have to do with the Cagebreakers, but only a little, and we probably won't need to watch our backs too closely or be ready to get into fights every few hours. Will that do, for now?"

"There will always be war somewhere." Erevain closes his eyes. "I’ve lived through a few. But that does not mean we are to stop living."

He opens his eyes and puts a hand in Alalla’s. "I would never be dissatisfied with what you give me. I wonder, though, if when this is over there will only be another adventure to go on. We are husband and wife. But will we ever have time to be a family? To start a family?"

Alalla blinks. "Of course we will. Why do you think I twisted Zenithral's arm into replacing my heart? I did it for you."

She sighs, gripping his hand. "I... I don't know if this body can bear children, but if it can, I have a responsibility to give them to you. I don't take that lightly. We'll make the time."

Erevain smiles, but there is a distant forlornness in his eyes. "And what if I am not freed from Belhifet? What if, before this war is over, I am ripped away from you forever?" He blinks as his eyes redden. "Is it selfish of me to wish that when I am gone I have some progeny in the world, someone to remain with you?"

Alalla laughs gently, and she brushes Erevains hair from his face. "Well, I can't judge too harshly when that is the exact reason I find it so important to give children to you. But..."

She kisses him on the nose to hopefully soften her words. "A baby now is hardly a favour. In battle, the distraction of sickness could be fatal. When it passes, I'll be weighed down and less agile. And labour, coming on whenever it likes!

I'm too involved in things in ways that I can't pass to others. Pregnancy will risk my life, and the child's, and if we live, where would it go? We can't care for it with our lives the way they are." She shakes her head. "I don't think you understand what you're asking of me."

"And that is why I speak of this now." He puts a hand on her arm. "When will there’s be no war? When will a child not be a burden? When will we be able to choose life, to make something rather than simply destroy?" He sighs. "Well, we are building your orc tribe. But that is not what I mean..."

Alalla frowns. "You haven't heard me at all. There's a difference between a burden and a life-threatening danger. If I were to become pregnant now, I doubt I would survive it, and my life is bigger than me now.

I don't know when things will be better. I don't have an elf's perspective to survey history and find a solution. All I have is my life now. And now is critical. My orcs are only some of the people relying on me, and it was you who convinced me to take responsibility for them. You decided to become a part of this even though I told you not to."

She shakes her head. "I've given you everything about myself I could spare- Ive literally given heart and soul!- and I'll continue to, because you deserve it all. But I can't give you this. You deserve it too, but there are too many people who would suffer if I gave you my life. That's what you're asking for." She looks away. "I can't put you above them all. I've done- I'm doing- everything I can to make sure there will be a time when I can. That's the best I can do. That's the best answer I can give."

Erevain puts a hand to his head and nods. "You are right. Just... forget that I mentioned it. We will get through this war, the same way we have gotten through everything else."

Alalla nods, inadequacy settling like a burr into her dragon heart. "Sure."

She stands and begins to get ready for bed, back to Erevain. "We'll make it through. It's all we can do."

Alalla takes her place near the cave entrance to watch. With an army camper around, she is tempted to be less vigilant, but the devils are crafty. She must be aware. Even so, her mind is troubled.

Keeping careful watch on her surroundings, Alalla opens her mind and reaches out to Torm.

My Lord, thank you for the protection and strength you have given me today. I wouldn't have made it through without it, I have no doubt.

I... have a couple of questions, if you have answers you are willing to give. First... She shifts her seat, getting a slightly better vantage point on the tundra around them, and pulls her cloak around herself. Within an inner pocket a piece of paper crinkles, and the names written on it start to play in her mind.

I lost some people today. They fought bravely to protect, and paid their lives so that others could live. Now they must be with Gruumsh.

Is there anything that can be done for them? They already decided to shun Gruumsh, but they didn't have the chance to choose you, or any others. Are they doomed for eternity? The torture he must have for them especially...

Here in this place, Alalla does not receive a vision as she did before. Nor does she hear Torm’s voice as she once heard Sharagaas’. But she does feel a sincere impression of her god’s thoughts.

Gruumsh is a god of tyranny - in many ways an embodiment of injustice. His very influence is a perversion of what *should* be. Yes, the lost orcs should be granted a chance to choose, but with Gruumsh’s claim on them Torm can do nothing. But doomed for eternity? Only so long as Gruumsh holds the power to exert his influence.

Alalla understands that Torm is still working his way through divine law to have Gruumsh’s authority revoked. But when will that finally be realized? If it does occur, millennia may have passed by then. Still, that is a hope that ‘eternity’ may one day end for the countless orcs currently enslaved by the One-Eyed God.

Even in the light of this uncomfortable truth, Torm shares his approval of Alalla’s actions so far. There are many orcs among the Cagebreakers who are ready to swear the oaths. Rather than breaking their spirits, Gruumsh’s injustice has wrought in them a desire to seek out a better way. And they will inspire more. In the whole history of orckind, there may never have been such a powerful shift in behavior, mind, and spirit of a group of orcs. And that is something that Gruumsh fears.

Thank you, my lord. A hope is so much better than we had before, let alone a god on our side doing work to free us. If Al can feel emotions and thoughts from Torm, then she imagines he can feel her genuine gratitude. If so, however, that means he can feel her apprehension, as well.

Might as well get on with it.

My second question is more personal. Not long ago Ilmater performed what I would call a miracle. He loosed Ilmadia from her pact with Belhifet and burned away her chains. It was tactically advantageous. Removing one of Belhifet's generals and having her knowledge on our side is no small thing. Even so, she was not a good person.

Erevain is also bound to Belhifet, but his choices haven't hurt anyone but me, and I've forgiven him. Can a similar mercy be extended to him, who was only trying to repair my mistakes and help the North? Who has always worked to protect anyone he can?

I realize that you are not Ilmater, and my family is very different from Zenithral's. I have no right to be judging of Ilmater's choice or Ilmadia's worthiness, and I'm not. I just..."

She falters. I need him. Not just as my husband, but as a counsellor to me as chieftess. I would not be doing any of this without him, and without him I won't do nearly so well. And he wouldn't have made the deal he did if not for me. Belhifet tricked and manipulated us both, but I'm to blame. I should have been more vigilant. More steadfast. I-

Enough, Al.

Alalla bows her head briefly, then returns to watch. Forgive me if I'm crossing lines or something.

Honest and sincere as he is, Torm does not hide his doubt from Alalla. Not doubt of Erevain's worthiness or of Alalla's need, but of the ability to break Erevain's chains as Ilmater did with Ilmadia.

Zenithral's family is indeed different. His line has been chosen and prepared by Ilmater himself to accomplish specific tasks, and their connection to the divine is innate and strong. Also, Ilmater at times has been known to give way to mercy over justice - sometimes more than Torm might do himself.

However, Erevain did what he did for one purpose only - to help Alalla. The nobility of that self-sacrifice is not lost on Torm, who once allowed thousands of his worshippers to sacrifice their lives in order to give him the strength to slay an evil deity.

With the cunning snares of devils a price must always be paid. A question rises up in Alalla's mind: How would you see the price paid?

What I'd prefer is a total refund. Alalla sighs at her short and bitter response. I apologize.

I... don't know. I don't know what a fair price is for this... service... Belhifet provided, or for freeing a soul. Except another soul of course, and that's not really an option. Who would pay their soul instead? I won't. Erevain wouldn't accept it. If I were to trade my soul for his he would go searching for a way to undo it or free me. I hope that he's learned from his dealings with Belhifet, but even so I fear what solutions he would find. Alalla looks out over the camped orcs, then shakes her head with irritation.

Even if I could persuade him... my soul is more valuable. Belhifet can only use Erevain against me, but he could use me against many more people.

Some wife I am. I fear I must leave him to his fate.

And it is fear. She has kept her thoughts away from Erevain and his predicament, kept her worries locked away. Now that she is letting them loose, the thought of Erevain fighting in the hell she witnessed for eternity is a fist around her gut. It doesn't feel just.