OOC:
TheGenerator says:
... Where do you draw the line between "a player knows" and "this seems highly unlikely to be possible" ... so they can still change their action ...
I would draw it forth from a conversation. :)
If they attempt something that does not seem feasible in the fiction then you chat about it.
It is is impossible, they have to try a different tack.
If it is possible but unlikely, then you roll for it.
If it is not hard, then it just happens.
The rolling decided in this case. But don't let them roll for things that are not possible. Get everyone on the same page BEFORE the dice come out, so there is not confusion about what is possible.
TheGenerator says:
... bookcase and it seems impossible to topple it ...
Or, it might be hard to use it as a weapon, even if it is not hard to topple it, especially with Bend Bars Lift Gates making the toppling possible where for others it might not be ('narrative permission'). In this case I might chat with the player and negotiate outcomes before they roll (always before, the player should not be surprised by what happens as a result of a roll, it should always be "of course that happens"). If they don't like the potential outcomes of a move, then they need to pick another move or do something else.
PbP can make us rush these things. Find a balance and accept that it is slow, especially at first while we all learn what the others things reality is.
"PLAYER: I leap across the chasm, do I need to roll Defy Danger DEX?"
"GM: Um.. the chasm is 60" across. It would be almost impossible for you to make it across, but you could, maybe, reach that ledge 20" below you on the other side. It will hurt unless you roll really well. Do you want to try?"
"PLAYER: Oh. I thought it was 16 feet, no I will, instead... push this enemy into the chasm. Defy Danger STR? Not my best stat, but it should be glorious!"
TheGenerator says:
... move on the character sheet ...
There is a lot going on, and the GM does not have the player's character sheets in front of them (though, it is not a bad idea for them to also have a copy of each sheet, for many reasons). Players need to speak up when their sheet contradicts the GM. "I'm immune to fear, because of my Quest Vow" or something.
TheGenerator says:
... chance to get it back quickly or an alternative ...
Making the move a bit meaningless if you take the sting out of it. Let the consequence stand, unless you find you messed up.
TheGenerator says:
... taking the time to explain everything in detail ...
It's m' job?
TheGenerator says:
... not to add negatives to successful rolls ...
By the same logic: Don't let the consequences on a 7-9 negate the fact that they succeeded at what they were doing. It can be hard to come up with costs that don't. Practice.
TheGenerator says:
... goblin jump into a hole in the wall ...
On a miss, do that. The ranger is not as attached to their spear (or whatever it was, I have not looked at that part of the sheet) and can presumably make another one, even if it is crude and has some downsides.