One-Of-A-Kind Meta-Clone-O-Matic

As Amelie and Parish gape, the myriad Hey Kids dash past them into the Bed & Breakfast! The sounds of laughter and mayhem quickly fill the air. Parish swallows audibly and looks up at Amelie. "Hmm. Well, uh, looks like you're going to have your hands full wrangling those little rascals. I must away to see to the sanctity of my kitchen! Good luck, my boon companion. Tally ho, and all that!" The frog salutes and scurries into the building...

Lady Sheridan was just going to see if she could get a little snack from the kitchen. She had wheeled in just in time to see the myriad of Hey Kids dash into the kitchen. She sipped at her tea and shook her head, "My my Amelie, look at this mess. You know, back in the good old days we would have tied them down and tortured the answer out of them."

She gives off a big sigh, "Now they call such things evil. Ah, how the world changes isn't that right Yola dear? Why, I bet you'd have just the right plot back in the day? Maybe Queen Vickie would have helped, eh?"

Despite her complaining she does point out, "By the way dear, if you read the instructions the whoozenhiemer goes into the whatsis. No, not like that, here, let me show you." Ancient bones creak as she gets up from her chair and puts a piece of the device in order."

"Oh, yes, Queen Vickie! What a cad she was," Yola Oleander says from the porch. The old shrub chuckles as she sips on her own cup of tea. "Remember when that merchant lord tried to make a pass at her? Took the wind out of his sails straight away, she did! Good old Vickie."

As talk of the old days happens, there is a twinkling of dust… and a voice like a tiny bell singing a tune from the old days…

"Monday, Monday…
Some thing to me…
Monday something…
Something or something could be…"

Despite the song repeating their name many times, Monday never did care to memorize the lyrics. They are having an especially hard time on this particular morning, for they are distracted.

Something is not right, they contemplate as they hum the rest of the verse, or rather… someone is not right…

Or is it someseven or someeight or somewhat?

They appear before the ladies, a little person whose pantsuit is as grand as their butterfly wings! They sing out the first lines of the next verse, which they’d partly memorized when the tune was young and their tiny face no more youthful then as it is now—

"Monday, Monday…
Can’t trust that day…
Monday, Monday…
Somewhat it something that way…"

Their grin does not falter as they blow the line and end the tune abruptly. For they are pleased, oh so pleased, by the presence!

The presence of hearts! Seven- or eight- or what-too-many!

But not one to put their eggs in one basket, even when said basket is equivalent to seven or eight or what, they greet their fellow guests.

"Good Morning, dear ladies," they say as they perch upon the armrest of Lady Sheridan‘s wheelchair, pausing to admire her ring with a gemstone the size a fairy’s head! The little fey’s voice projects confidently. "And it most certainly is a lovely morning, for I am in the presence of greatness.

"My apologies if my singing was not up to par, for my mind is in many places at once due to the constant spinning of my wheels. Perhaps I should pass that on to one who could benefit."Golden glitter emanates from the fairy’s perch. The glitter trickles to one wheel on Lady Sheridan’s chair, then rainbowily arcs overhead to the other. Both wheels glow a pulsating pink, an orderly orange, a vivid violet and an alliterationless amber! They spin regardless of the chair’s movement, for Monday has passed Spinning One’s Wheels along to Lady Sheridan’s chair.

The chair will, from now until next Monday, obey Lady Sheridan’s will. If she wills it forward, forward it takes her. If she wills it to turn or reverse, it does so. If she wills it to up, it levitates to accommodate her will. If the chair can’t fit through a door, it narrows, and as for those insensitive stairwells… levitation has already covered this.

If Yola Oleander insists on gripping the handlebars, she should find it pleasant to be kited along, Monday suspects.

MONDAY
Before anyone can thank Monday for their great miracle, the fairy becomes startled by the sound of Amelie’s vacuum cleaner. What the ladies see next is a starburst of fairy dust! Where Monday has flown off to is impossible to determine for any mortal…

…or machine.

AMELIE
The robo-maid has said many times that glitter is next to impossible to clean. But what they never say, because it would be bragging, is that ‘the AMEL-2900 turns the next-to-impossible into next-to-possible!’They draw the Feather Buster from their back, and in two swishes, the throw rug and the hardwood floor are dust-free. Lady Sheridan can see her reflection (should she deign to look at the floor)!

Amelie does not remove the dust from Sheridan’s chair. That would be rude. And besides, this is Monday’s dust. If the Hey Kids had gotten hold of The Glitter Jar ((such a thing should not exist!), it would take a lot more than two swishes to clean THAT! It might take two days of swishing non-stop.

Not wanting to alarm an old lady or her non-mechanical maid, Amelie asks, "Have either of you ladies seen Hey Kid up and about? I have been tasked to watch them."

By ‘them,’ they mean plural… but since everyone refers to one Hey Kid as they/them, the maid-bot can use the plural pronoun without causing alarm. The mention of seven or eight or so Hey Kids, or TWO Hey Kids for that matter, could cause other guests and residents to panic!

Why couldn’t there be seven or eight Sals?

"Oh, I'm sure it won't be too hard to find them," Yola Oleander says with a sly shrubby smile.

***

Inside the living room, Hey Kid 2: Orange Edition grins at the guests lounging in the cozy chairs by the fireplace. "Hey guys! Oh, you all look like you could be such good friends! I'm Hey Kid!"

"Yes, Hey Kid," Mr. Boggs says, looking up from his soggy crossword puzzle. "We know. We've met before. Several times, in fact."

"I don't think so. I think I'd remember a guy with a raincloud over his head!" Hey Kid 2 says with a laugh. They walk over to the front desk and wave up at Sal. "Hello, I'm Hey Kid!"

Sal looks down with an arched eyebrow. "Did you hit your head or something, Hey Kid? You're acting kinda weird, bruh," Sal says.

"Nope! No head injuries here!" Hey Kid 2 says, rapping a fist against their head for good measure.

Lady Sheridan chuckles at Yola’s humor. "Indeed, and that drafted faire best be thankful he’s gone. Young whippersnapper thinks he’s going to get my heart. Ha!"

She sips her tea and begins to wheel off when Amelie mentions the need to find Hey Kid. She looks to the robot maid and says, "I think I hear them in the living room. They are acting rather strange." She pauses and then adds, "Stranger than usual, surely they should recall Mr. Boggs, the young man has been guesting here since they were left on the doorstep."

She shakes her head and wheels towards the sounds, "Looks like the young robot needs some help Yola dear. Might as well enjoy a little adventure while I can."

---

In the living room she looks at this Hey Kid and ponders. "Just who do you think you are young person? Hmm? she attempts to stare at Hey Kid using her vampiric power.

"Who, me? I'm Hey Kid! Nice to meet you!" Hey Kid 2 says to Lady Sheridan, smiling and extending their hand. "Will you be my... friend...?" The orange edition Hey Kid starts to feel a bit woozy as Sherry whammies them with their gaze. "I'm Hey Kid... Right? Who else would I be?"

Amelia gladly follows the ladies. "I appreciate your accompaniment," she says—sincerely, since Sherry’s wheels are spreading Monday’s glittery dust everywhere. So Amelie can clean and look for the Hey Kids at the same time! "They sure can be a handful."

When they see Hey Kid, only the orange one is present. "Greetings, Orange Hey Kid."

Not wanting to incite panic by revealing that Hey Kid has become a gaggle, Amelie attempts to cover up: "I refer to you as Orange Hey Kid in reference to your orange outfit, which is ablaze with zestful snazziness due to its hue with a red-to-green ratio of approximately two-to-one."

Hey Kid 2 scratches their head. "Sure, okay."

A trio of excited barks heralds the arrival of Dog, Dog, n'Dog! The three-headed hellhound pup lopes over to Hey Kid 2 and happily begins to lick at the devilish child. Hey Kid 2 laughs. "Oh, hello! Wow, Doggy Times Three! Nice to meet you! Will you be my friend?"

Dog, Dog, n'Dog barks an affirmative. "Hooray!"

Lady Sheridan grumps, "You've had that dog for some time now. Honestly, I watched you get that dog. Sure, I was sipping tea and just watching but, I was there. You should already know this dog. So, either you aren't Hey Kid or you have amnesia? Which might it be youngling?"

While she waits, she pours a cup of strangely ferrous tea.

"Amnesia? Maybe I do have amnesia. I can’t remember..." Hey Kid 2 says enigmatically. Sherry and Amelie are no closer to wrangling this rascally clone!

Amelie sees that Sherry will not panic. So she decides to try and gather the Hey Kids.

"You know what jogs memories? A Super Fairy Go-Kart tournament! In the television-viewing room with the relatively comfortable leather recliners and ample snack-table space."

It is a brilliant plan… but, is Orange Hey Kid to be lured?

"If you can hook up the appropriate gaming device, I will gather worthy competitors."

"Yay! I’ll find the power cable and the RCA inputs!" says the orange clad Hey Kid. They rush off to find the antiquated gaming paraphernalia.

Amelie give Hey Kid a thumbs-up. When they’re gone, the maid-bot says to Lady Sheradin, "I should have realized you would be wise to Hey Kid’s alternative persona. In fact, there are others. My objective is to round all of them up. Where would you suggest we seek the next Hey Kid?"

She smiles at Amelie, "Comes from being able to turn into a cloud of bats dear heart. Once I managed to loose one of my bats for three weeks. It went and lived in the London Underground until it bit a young child and animal services chased it away. It was only when it returned that I realized I hadn’t had one of my kneecaps."

She wheeled along and said, "Anyway dearie, let’s try the hallway. I swear I heard running and maybe it’s the original. I remember they liked doing that quite a bit."

"Every bat has their place," Amelie notes. There are worse bats to lose than a Kneecap Bat, but Amelie’s calculator-brain makes a connection to the situation at hand. "Every Hey Kid has their place too.

"But Original Hey Kid did not lose a Kneecap Hey Kid if they are running."

Clearly, Lady Sheradin has expertise when it comes to losing a part of a whole. "The Hallway is surely the optimal direction for our search."

The maid-bot follows the vampire’s advice without question.

As Amelie, Sherry, and Yola step into one of the B&B's halls, they are nearly bowled over by Hey Kid! Or a Hey Kid, this one wearing red with racing stripes along their clothes. "Hey! Watch out! Gotta go fast!" shouts Hey Kid Mk. 6 as they zoom past!

"Please desist!" Amelie calls out, "Scuff marks from running are permanent, and easily visible on the ultraviolet spectrum! That is not ultra cool," the robo-maid adds, calculating Hey Kid(s) may respond to jargon.