Moon Prince Gets a Job

Muckleby oozes forward, her scent of fresh soil and petrichor mingling with the smell of hot coffee and warm baked goods. The huge glob of grime attempts a smile, though it's hard to find her face amidst her quivering bulk. Myriad objects churn about inside of her.

"Good morning!" she says pleasantly. "Oh, hello, Moon Prince! I didn't know you worked here!"

Muckleby takes a moment to peruse the menu. "May I please have the Mud Puddle, Dangerous sized, with snickerberries and cream?"

Behind Muckleby, a particularly unpleasant skeleton stands in a fancy suit and bow tie. He holds an orange water gun in one hand, idly twirling it about as he glances around suspiciously. "The name’s Bones. James Bones," he says in a bad British accent to anybody who cares to ask (and anybody who doesn’t care to ask).

A small rat pokes her head out of his jacket pocket. "Rats!" she squeaks once before ducking out of sight once more.

Viv is next in line. The so-called Lady of the Lake has been dressing decidedly unladylike as of late. She’s currently wearing basketball shorts and a sleeveless jersey with the logo of the local college team, the Veilridge Voles. Her long, damp hair still hangs over her face as she taps away at her phone, making trades for her fantasy football league.

The Ptisilith hovers in the air between Yazeba and Gertrude. It is silent and ineffable.

Mel made sure to stay in the Ptisilith’s shadow on the way to the cafe to avoid the rays of the morning sun. The shop is usually closed at night when she’s roaming around, but she wanted to get a taste of the famous treats served here. Her tongue lolls from her mouth in anticipation of scrumptious snacks!

At the back of the line, Mr. Boggs stands waiting patiently, his raincloud leaving small puddles on the floor. He holds his briefcase at his side and hums softly for himself. He doesn’t mind waiting in a queue. In fact, he loves a good queue. So orderly. Everybody following the rules. It warms Mr. Boggs’ heart...

The Moon Prince twirls the yellow Cafe Tiara apron onto their neck and then deftly ties the straps behind their back. They pull their hair back into a short ponytail and then takes a deep breath. The eager customers are ready and the tip jar is seeded with the first few dollars.

Moon Prince stands at the counter and greets Muckleby. "Welcome to Cafe Tiara! It's actually my first day here, so I didn't work here but now I do." Moon Prince smiles, excited for the first order of the shift.

"One dangerous Mud Puddle, with snickerberries and cream coming right up!" MP turns to the supplies and equipment behind the counter. One scoop of cocoa powder in a dangerous size cup, fill the cup with warmed milk, leave enough room for the cream, and artfully place a few snickerberries on top. Voila!

MP turns back to Muckleby with the finished drink. They are unsure where and how to hand it to Muckleby, so they end up placing it on the counter for her to take however she sees fit. "Here you go, Muckleby! Enjoy."

Muckleby envelops the huge cup of hot chocolate in a pseudopod, then deposits several soiled dollar bills on the counter. "Thank you!" she says as she sloughs off.

The skeleton saunters up to the counter. "Alright, you rogue, here's the game," he says. "I want a swirly storm in a knucklebone, with some of that sweet stuff. Shaken, not stirred. And, uh, if you happen to know where a certain witch keeps a certain book of spells, I'll throw in an extra tip for you. Nyeh, heh, heh."

Moon Prince looks at the dapperly dressed skeleton on the other side of the counter, slightly nervous about the orange pistol he twirls about.

"Just a moment, Mister... uh... Bones."

Moon Prince turns to make the order. The gentleman certainly wanted a small hurricane, so MP takes a cup from the stack marked Thimble and pours in the espresso and tops it with steamed milk. And now for the 'sweet stuff'. Looking at the ingredients available, they think most of it is sweet. But they have seen a lot of guests use cubes of sugar to sweeten their tea, so they grab the glass sugar dispenser and shakes some out into the drink.

Now what about the request for a witch's spellbook? He must have meant Yazeba... Or was it some kind of code for something he wanted to order... The Prince decides to go with the latter and responds playfully and mysteriously. After all, magic was mysterious, right?

"Here is your Thimble Hurricane. And a fresh apple strudel made with apples from the Insight Orchard just a few miles away." The Moon Prince hands Mr. Bones the drink and pastry, then touches a finger to the side of their nose in a sly gesture.

"James Bones" takes the drink, inspects it, then nods. "Not bad." He reaches into his pocket and places a few dollar bills on the counter. "But I didn't order an apple strudel. So I'm not paying for it! Too late to take it back! Nyeh, heh, heh!" He snatches the pastry and dashes away before the Moon Prince can react!

Viv steps up to the counter, looking up from her phone. "Hi, I'll have..." She looks at the menu and her hair conceals her frown. "Hmmm... I think I'll get... No, no, let me have... Actually, um..." She looks back to the Moon Prince. "Could you give me a few minutes?"

Gertude wakes up late because, really, so what? But she finds out what when she shows up at Cafe•Tiara and there’s a huge line.

She recalls a time she was skating, and when a faster skater needed to pass, they would call "on your left" in order to pass safely.

But there’s no room to pass this long, boring line on the left, so—

"On your up!"—Gertrude leaps over the crowd with the grace of a rude ballerina.

She alights butt-first on the countertop.

"I’llll hhhhaaaaaaaaaavvvvvvvve………"

She actually knows exactly what she wants. She just likes her place in the front of the huge line, and is savoring it.

"A dangerous greased lightning with moon milk and snickerberries, ’cause… I snicker at danger."

She makes such a face. No one can see it, because mask, but oh if they cou—wait a minute..!

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaand peppermint. So I can skip brushing my teeth later. Not to say that I will, but I desire… options."

"Sure Viv, take your ti..." Moon Prince involuntarily takes a step back as Gertrude suddenly lands in front of them, sitting on the counter.

"Oh, hey G! Sorry, you startled me. Is everything okay with you? You are acting very...um...energetic today. Are you sure you need coffee?" But then MP remembers this is their first day on the new job and doesn't want the Manager to come back and see them slacking off with a friend or acting unprofessional. "Right! I'll get started on your order right away, Madam!"Moon Prince takes a Dangerous sized cup, needing both hands to hold it, and pours in the Espresso. Next, a splash of Moon milk that brings back memories of the Moon palace and drinking a fresh cup of the stuff while studying. And several snickerberries arranged to look like a large ! floating on the top. The finishing touch, a spring of fresh peppermint on the edge, and the drink is finished.

"There you go, G!" Moon Prince smiles as they pass the cup across the counter to Gertrude. Then they lean in and whisper "You really should brush your teeth anyway. Cavities suck and healthy gums are linked to a healthy heart, you know."

Behind Gertrude, Viv clears her throat. "Excuse me. I'm ready to order now. I'll have a malachite Merlin with celadon crumbles and lunar liquid," she says clearly and confidently.

---

Gertrude ignores the ahem-ing from behind, taking her sweet time with the Moon Prince.

"Energetic, yes. Unburdened, you might say." She looks at the barista-craftsmanship. "Ah, a punctuation-mark arrangement. How exciting." She slowly sips, then dabs at the mouth-hole in her mask with a napkin (which could have been used more than once had she not crumpled it into a tight ball and flung it into a bin across the room).

She pays the prince a compliment. "I certainly got what a paid for." She steps aside for other customers. Slowly. It’s not like she’s in any hurry.

Moon Prince's cheeks develop a fuchsia color at Gertrude's tepid reaction to her drink's obvious rizz. "It was the best I could come up with right now. It is my first day after all. I'm sure next time I'll come up with something REALLY great." They laugh nervously as Gertrude sips the drink and saunters off.

Then MP turns to Viv as she gives her order. "Um... coming right up."

They turn, beginning to feel overwhelmed by the still quite long line of customers. MP stares at the four stacks of differently sized cups. What had Viv wanted? They couldn't concentrate and... was that smoke they smelled?! There were several clearly marked No Smoking signs around the Cafe! Ugh. Rather than say anything though, Moon Prince just coughs pointedly and tries to hold their nose.

Ok, the order. Right. MP grabs a Quirkly sized cup and a sachet of green tea. Then they pour some hot water into the cup and over the tea leaves. While it steeps, they grab the Moon milk but stop to consider the final ingredient. Celadon crumbles... which add ons were crumbly? Salted caramel had salt which was crumbly. But celadon was...green! Yes! So it had to be Matcha. Moon Prince quickly finishes the drink and turns to present it to Viv.

But then Gertrude's final compliment pops into their head. Oh no! Had they messed up the Earth money transaction last time? Feeling they had already taken too long and not wanting to make a mistake, they grab a dollar out of the tip jar and hand it, along with the tea, over to Viv.

"Here you go. Enjoy. And here's your change as well. Thank you."

Gertrude takes the sofa by the window with the best view. It could seat three… or one, if one were to put her feet up on it.

"SLLLLLLUURRRRRRRPPP-P-P-p-p—p…….p."

As he sips his latte, the liquid spilling from his empty rib cage to stain his suit, the skeleton approaches Gertrude. "Good day, masked girl whom I have never met before. The name’s Bones. James Bones. I couldn’t help but notice you’ve got an air of mystery about you, whereas I am an Intranational Undead Man of Mystery. I like the cut of your jib, understand?

"Maybe you can help me. I’m looking for a certain spellbook. It is of vital importance that it not fall into the wrong hands. So, I need you to help me get into my hands. What say you? Will you help me?"

The small rat peeks out from the skeleton’s pocket and sniffs at Gertrude, frowning. She can sense something is off with the girl. "Rats?" she squeaks with concern.

Gertrude replies, "Yes. Climb onto the rooftop, Mr. Bones. Stand on the west side of the chimney, walk ten clicks forward. Baby-clicks, mind you. Nine clicks would drop you off the roof if you walked adult-clicks. Point forward at the tree before you—the greenest one. Memorize its location, count three trees right, six trees up—as in toward the horizon. Go to that tree, and when you arrive, step ten adult-clicks south, rotate yourself eighty-nine degrees counterclockwise—like a full left turn, but stop just short, and climb over the larger rock, not to be confused with the largest.

"There, you dig. The hollow with the bag in it with the box in it has the book in it. By it, I mean the box in the bag in the hollow. It’s three feet under. Now laugh like I told a joke with an uproariously hilarious punchline, so suspicion is not aroused."

Whether he laughs or buys the lie or pretends to or not, Gertrude adds in a hushed tone, "Tell. No one."She does that shushy thing where you put the index finger to the mask-lips. And while Bones is making eye-contact, Gert feels like petting the rat.

"Nyeh, heh, heh!" Bones, James Bones laughs obligingly! Ratto accepts Gertrude’s petting, but she still looks concerned. But she is soon whisked away as the skeleton casually gets up, finished his drink, and heads for the exit. "Come, Ratto, we know where to look now. It’s all going according to my plan!"

The Ptisilith suddenly floats forward, moving around Yazeba to get to the front of the line.Once it gets there, it hovers silently for several moments. Then, it lets out a low hum. Several of the words on the menu suddenly animate and swirl around one another: "The Stew," "Portly," "Chocolate," and "Cupcake." Then the words return to their normal spot, and the Ptisilith waits patiently...

The Ptisilith hurtles to the far end of the cafe! It bumps into Muckleby, bouncing harmlessly off of her quivering bulk. "Tee hee! That tickles!" Muckleby giggles. The floating stone then knocks into the cafe's doorframe, ricochets into an unoccupied table, and finally arrests its motion, slowly floating back to the counter behind Yazeba.

Moon Prince is about to start the Ptisilith's order right as it goes hurtling across the cafe into Muckleby. I guess it wasn't quite ready to order after all. So mysterious they think to themselves before turning to take Yazeba's order.

"Madam Yazeba, how are you today? I'll get started on your order right away."

MP turns from the register, thinking about Yazeba's order. Travolta could only mean Greased Lightining, so they take a thimble sized cup, and pour espresso into it. And wasn't the one that Travolta wanted a Pink Lady? So that must mean something pink. Moon Prince scans the ingredients and notices the hibiscus tea leaves. Aha, pink! They grab a handful of those and add them into the drink. Then an ice cube to make it cold and a squeeze of sticky honey. And the drink is done.

Moon Prince returns to the counter with the drink and hands it to Yazeba. "Enjoy!" they say cheerfully.

Gertrude zips behind the counter.

"Allow me to assist you." The masked voluntary temp repeats the witch’s order. "One little John, cooler than a Saturday Night Fever, and as sticky as Grease isn’t."

She moves the mixing cup from lever to lever, squirting in the various correct ingredients!She hands the drink to Yazeba. "Here ya go. And… here I go. Niiinjaas vanishhhhh…"Gertrude slowly ducks behind the counter and vanishes from every customers’ sight.

(The Moon Prince and anyone else behind the counter sees Gert on the floor, slowly stealth-crawling toward the back room.)

"Thanks, G!" the Moon Prince whispers as Gertrude takes over. They lean against a counter to rest, glad for a moment to breathe during the crush of customers. Being busy on their feet was quite tiring.

As Gertrude does her vanishing trick, Moon Prince stifles a smile and then gets up quickly to dramatically look around in wonder. "Oh my! Where did that masked hero go?!" they say hoping to distract everyone else as Gertrude crawls toward the back.

"Nrt ’ere," Gertrude mumbles as she gradually continues her eventual escape.

Gert rises and immediately replies to Yazeba in an emotionless, informative tone, "You mispronounced ‘you’re welcome.’"

She then volleys over the counter and reaches toward her unfinished drink. It zips across the room and into her hand.

Gert sips it casually.

The Ptisilith glides up to the counter and repeats its previous order. "The Stew," "Portly," "Chocolate," "Cupcake."

---

Feeling physically rested after Gertrude's help, but still stung from Yazeba's outburst, the Moon Prince comes around to the front of the counter with a broom, dustpan, and absorbent towels. After cleaning up the remains of the tea and coffee swill, they return back behind the counter to empty the remnants into the trash. But still replaying the failure in their head, they forget to raise the dustpan high enough to clear the rim of the bin and it all spills back out onto the floor again. So they clean it up again with a barely audible sigh.Moon Prince returns to the counter and the Ptisilith. "Thank you for your patience. I'll get to work on your drink." Despite the frantic pace so far, Moon Prince is starting to feel a bit more comfortable mixing the drinks now. They mix up a Portly Stew with Chocolate without any problems, going slow but steady. They turn with the drink and a marble cupcake on a plate. They consider trying to hand the order to the large stone, but unsure of how that might work, they instead just push it across to counter toward it. "Enjoy."

The Ptisilith hums, and the drink and cupcake suddenly disappear. Several crisp dollar bills sit on the counter in their place. The obelisk then floats away.

Finally ready for her turn, Mel lopes up to the counter. She grins at Moon Prince and Gertrude, tongue lolling from her mouth. "Hey there, pups! Gimme a Cuppa Joe, with extra coffee, cream, and whipped cream!" she says, her tail wagging happily.

"Hey Mel! One cuppa joe coming right up." Unsure of the size, Moon Prince steals a glance back at the werewolf. Definitely a Dangerous cup they think.

Feeling better about this whole job thing, Moon Prince decides that some friendly chit chat is something that happens in coffee houses in tv and movies and so they should try to "banter."

"Hows your stay at the B&B going so far? Have any fun adventures?" But doing two things at once is harder than they thought and they put in hot chocholate instead of extra coffee, moon milk instead of cream, and marshmellows instead of whip cream.

Unaware of the mistake, they hand the beverage across the counter to Mel with a smile.

"So far, so good," Mel says. She takes a sip of the drink—

—and promptly spits it out in the counter! "Awroo! What is this?!?" she howls. "This isn’t what I ordered! It’s... blecch! Disgusting!"

The werewolf slams her fist on the counter. "I’m not paying for that foul brew! Grr!"

Mel storms off to cool down in the corner of the cafe. Eventually, she grumbles and gets back in line behind Mr. Boggs and Muckleby, who has returned for a second order.

Mr. Boggs steps up, raindrops pitter-pattering on the counter. He smiles to himself. He usually orders things exactly by the menu, but Hey Kid has shown him a television program where people put their cafe orders in in a "cool" way. So he loosens his tie and ties to look "cool" as he says, "I will have a Fat Joseph, on the rocks, with a drizzle of golden sunshine and dollop of puffy clouds."

He hopes everybody else will think he is as "cool" as he feels right now!

Moon Prince grabs a rag, ready to soak up Mel's drink from the counter. But as Mr. Boggs sprinkles rain on the counter as well, they decide to wait and come back with a mop after this order.

"Welcome to the Cafe, Mr. Boggs." MP forces a smile as they feel the stress from the shift weighing on them.

They grab a thimble cup without thinking. With all the ingredients and the scattered showers this tiny cup could overflow, so Moon Prince decides it is better to add the coffee at the very end. A few ice cubes, a squeeze of honey, and a few marshmellows go into the cup. They look around wondering if the Cafe manager will be back from break soon. Hopefully it isn't an extended lunch break... They turn and place the drink on the counter, completely forgetting they never added the coffee.

"Here is the drink you ordered, sir."

Mr. Boggs picks up the drink and frowns at it. "Hmm. It appears there are three ice cubes, two teaspoons of honey, and four marshmallows, as expected. However, it seems that instead of six ounces of coffee, there is instead zero ounces. Perhaps I ordered incorrectly? I shall queue up again and attempt to rectify my error upon my return."

He retreats to the back of the line, briefcase at his side.

Muckleby oozes forward again. "Hi! I’m back. Can I have, um... Oh! A kitchen sink with tres leches! I think that’s Spanish for ‘three leches.’" She smiles sweetly as her face drifts around to the back of her body.

Just as Moon Prince finishes mopping up the front of the counter, they see Muckleby ooze forward. Maybe I should just put up a Caution Wet Floor sign they think to themselves.

"Welcome back Muckleby. Hopefully you were satisfied with your last drink. We've had a run of unhappy customers recently" Moon Prince says, glancing at Yazeba scowling further back in the line.

"Tres leches is a type of cake that is soaked in three different milks. I watched a lot of cooking shows in my room at the Moon Palace. Although most of the recipes can't be used up there due to the different atmosphere and air pressure." Do we have tres leches? they think as they look over at the pastry display.And of course they did not. So Moon Prince would make one in the cup for Muckleby. A regular size cup with a little bit of everything plus whole milk, Moon milk, and oat milk. And of course a handful of yellow cake plus a strawberry on top.

"Tada!" Moon Prince tries to present the concoction to Muckleby but lags behind her drifting face and just puts it on the counter. "Here's your order miss!"

"I got your back, Prince," Gert casually offers.

"Ah, I see what could be done differently. That strawberry is off center." Rather than waste time redoing the whole order, she uses a swizzle stick to move the strawberry either to the exact center or off-center in the opposite direction. It’s hard to be precise unless you’re directly above the cake, and Gertrude doesn’t feel like levitating this very second.

Her face is masked but her indifference is not. She steps slightly aside so the Moon Prince can hand off the cake, and if it’s as too-soggy as it looks, let him take the blame.

Muckleby looks at the "drink" and frowns. "Oh, it’s a cake. In a cup. It’s... not really a drink though..."

She sloughs away but forgets to leave money on the counter. Staring at the strange concoction, she doesn’t notice the Ptislith floating in front of her. Her body envelops the floating rock and keeps going, bringing the Ptisilith along. The Ptisilith seems content to bob around inside Muckleby.

Mel seems to have calmed down some when she steps up again. She drops a dollar into the tip jar."Sorry about before. Now, I’ll have the same order," Mel says. Hopefully the baristas remember what that order was!

---

Moon Prince is relieved as they think Gertrude is going to help again... but then their heart drops as another disappointed customer retreats from the counter. Earthlings have to deal with jobs like this EVERY DAY? For their whole lives?! they think to themselves. Does it ever get easier?"No, I'm sorry, Mel. It's my first day so I am still learning. I'll get it right this time."

Moon Prince remembers Mel's order and makes the cuppa joe with extra coffee, cream, and whipped cream. The drink is finished and Moon Prince is so proud of themselves for getting it right. But they spin back to the counter too quickly - and the cup slides off the saucer and spills hot liquid all over their apron, whip cream globs sliding down it to plop on the floor.Moon Prince fights through the embarrassment and disappointment. The thought of quitting tempts them, but they are determined to complete the shift like an ordinary, non-royal Earthling. "Oh my... I'm sorry. Again. Arg. Well at least I was wearing this apron. That must be why we are required to wear them." They force out a dry laugh. But then they go back to the coffee station and make the drink for a third time. And slowly, carefully, turn to gingerly hand the drink to Mel. "Thank you so much for your patience."

Mel sniffs the drink and howls approvingly. "Arrooo! That's more like it! Thanks!" She leaves handful of dollar bills on the counter.

Mr. Boggs steps up and repeats his order, nodding with satisfaction before sitting down to enjoy it. Yazeba steps up...

Moon Prince tenses up as Yazeba steps back up to the counter. "Alright, um, I'll see what I can do," they say lamely.

Moon Prince takes a Portly cup and slowly pours in hot water, stalling for time. Radagast the wizard was... the green? The brown? Is there such a thing as brown tea?? they think to themselves. They glance at the tea selection and see barley tea which looks brown. So they scoop some into a tea infuser and set it to steep. For the Christmas part, they guess this means a few sprigs of mint and a couple of snickerberries.

Taking a deep breath, Moon Prince turns back to face Yazeba. They pass the cup across the counter to her and smile weakly, unsure if this is what the witch had ordered. "Enjoy."