Please Xcrawl, Don't Hurt 'Em

Your agent, Molly Ringworld, calls you up and says she has you booked for the Detroit Xcrawl, run by DJ Rosie the Riveting. Even better, you have your first reputable sponsor, Phang Blades! They offer each crawler a magical melee weapon of their choice and will cover travel and lodging expenses! You're finally moving up in the ranks!

You make your way to Detroit. Phang Blades has put you up in an extremely comfortable hotel downtown and pays for a tour bus to the event the next day. The bus taking you to the event leaves at 11:00 AM sharp. As you leave your hotel you find a group of fans waiting for you.

From the crowd you hear various shouts.

"Hey you did that same performance at your last appearance!"

"You didn't even bother to customize it for Detroit?"

"I expected Callan to at least make a giant 'D' with his light show instead of the 'X'..."

The crowd's enthusiasm begins to amp up. A few scattered cheers and applause can be heard amongst the group.

Several crowd members return the V gesture to Tymun. A few make axe chopping gestures with their hands.

When Vi Vi mentions autographs there is a cheer and several people rush forward to get various items signed: caps, shirts, HH team photos, and even body parts.

The rest of the crowd picks up Gabriel Carver's chant, clapping and stomping to the rhythm. "Hous-ton Hexcrawlers! Hous-ton Hexcrawlers!"

After your hyper performances, signing, and flexing you pile into your tour bus (with a recently applied Phang Blades decal displayed prominently on the sides) and driven downtown to the event.

Arriving at the event, you are surprised to see that you don’t go to the main arena, the Detroit Flave-o-Ade Bowl—you are brought to the edge of a condemned block of tenement buildings. The entire block is cordoned off with police tape.

The buildings adjacent to the cordoned-off block all have stadium seating along either edges, that will allow a live audience to watch along. There is also a massive three sided AVS scoreboard hovering above the top of the tallest building, a forty-story tenement with boarded up windows and overlapping graffiti as far as a tall delinquent can reasonably reach.

After exiting the bus you are led to a double-wide trailer outside of the police cordon. You see a row of lockers, two changing benches, a table set with Detroit-style pizza, coolers full of drinks, coffee service, a makeup table with lighted mirrors, and a referee. Quiet music plays from a radio set on top of the lockers. A producer in a navy windbreaker waves you over as you enter. He is middle-aged, wearing sunglasses and ponytail, and a STAFF T-shirt under the jacket.

"Welcome to the green room, Houston Hexcrawlers! I'm Larry Funtwell, the Producer. We've got a great Xcrawl for you today, just make sure to be careful. Now the game is set to start at 2:45, which gives you about a half hour. Please enjoy the pizza and refreshments. I'll be back to escort you to the game entrance at the start time. I know you're already familiar with the rules, but just to cover my kiester, anyone who leaves this trailer before the start time is disqualified. Rock on!" He gives the devil horns and exits the trailer.

At 2:45 PM the producer tells you it’s time to begin. A
referee escorts you from the trailer to a riser at the edge of the security cordon while a crowd of several thousand fans cheer.

The announcer addresses the crowd as you are lead to the riser.

"Alright, it’s time for our contest to begin. Lords and Ladies, citizens of the Empire, it is my great honor to introduce the most dangerous woman in Detroit. She is the monster-bringer, the originator of pain. She has come to paint the city and all she brought is red. Ladies and Gentlemen put your hands together for . . . Rosie the Riveting!"

The crowd parts as the roar of a powerful engine echoes through the canyon of buildings. A moment later a red 1965 Shelby Mustang GT350 screams around the corner, accelerates thrillingly towards the podium, then skids to a precision stop right in front of the stairs.

DJ Rosie the Riveting steps out of the car. She is 6’2 and muscular, wearing designer overalls, a black silk tank top that shows off her impressive biceps, and a silver hard hat with the crawl logo. She flexes for the crowd a bit, then motions for them to settle down as she approaches the podium. The DJ picks up a bullhorn and addresses the crowd.

"Thank you, thank you! Thank you so much! Welcome to Detroit, where the weak are killed and the slow are eaten!"

Huge cheers.

"Heheheh thank you! Let me just say what an honor it is to be your DJ for today’s event. We have put together entertainment that is going to blow . . . your . . . minds! So, without further ado, lets meet our first team. Ladies and gentlemen let’s give a warm Detroit welcome to a band of heroes who are going to risk their lives to demonstrate the quality of the American Empire. Houston Hexcrawlers, I salute you!"

The cameras all turn to you and you get a warm round of applause from the live audience.

Rosie the Riveting continues, "Now, before we begin, how are you feeling now? And are there any special someones back home you'd like to give a message to? After all, you never know when you might get another chance."

Rosie tips her hardhat at you after your speeches are concluded. Interaction over, Rosie points her bullhorn at the crowd.

"Lord and Ladies, citizens and friends of the Empire, it’s time to lay the hammer down. In the name of Emperor Ronald, first of his name and first in our hearts, I declare this contest began! Crawlers, from this moment on your lives are forfeit in the service of the Empire. In the name of Mighty Apollo and Great Vulcan, may your courage be as armor against the terrors that are to come. May your great deeds this day bring honor to the Empire, and your deaths never be forgotten. Begin!"

The crowd cheers and fireworks explode overhead. A referee approaches you all with instructions, pointing to a few tape marks on the ground.

"Those tape marks show the gap in the force wall you need to pass through. Once inside you are in play, so guard yourself appropriately. You can’t cast spells until you are inside the barrier." He points at the 40-story building. "Your first major challenge is on the roof of that building, but the entire area is in play and there are other dangers throughout the building. Good luck and may Vulcan fortify you all."

There is a short stairwell that leads through unlocked doors to the building lobby.

The way to the front door is clear. You hear the announcer blaring through speakers and AVS screens, "Whoa-ho! These are indeed Division II champs! They take nothing for granted and expect traps and tricks right from the get-go!"

The door opens to a run-down lobby. The ceiling sags from water damage, the walls are covered in graffiti, and rats squeal in the darkness. There is an elevator directly ahead of you, the old-fashioned kind with a pointer indicating numbers on an arched display. The elevator car currently resides on the 13th floor. You see a sign on the left indicating a stairwell in that direction. One doorway each on your right and left reveal hallways leading to first-floor apartments beyond.

There appear to be no traps around the elevator. Once the button is pressed, the announcer, hanging out in the back of the group with a small camera crew, says, "It appears they are taking the elevator! Sassafrass has split off to check out the stairwell as well. I don't think I've ever seen a party split so early before! Let's hope it doesn't weaken the team when the trap they say they expect is sprung!"

The needle on the elevator starts swinging left, counting down.

12

9

5

3

1

Ding!

The doors rattle open revealing six purge zombies, in light sports armor and freakish iconic American rubber masks (Abe Lincoln, Nixon, Washington, and three others are are pretty sure you know but would never say outloud for fear of being wrong), all wielding butcher’s knives. When they see the you, they all howl and their weapons catch up with strange orange fire.

Sassafrass checking the stairs finds that the stairway is covered in graffiti. One prominent bit is on the first floor landing: "Jenny Jenny was from Detroit, 313-867-5309." The 313 is underlined with different color spray paint. You find no traps here.

[ +- ] Trackers

Mojo: 7

Init	Acted	Grandstanding
1. Butch	✅	🥈
2. Bole	✅
Zombies
3. Vi Vi
4. Gabriel
5. Callan	✅	🥈
6. Sassafrass
7. Tymun

Bole's arrow hits a zombie in the chest and it staggers a moment but is still standing. Butch aims a swing but its deflected by the zombie's sports armor. The zombies growl and rush out of the elevator, each targeting a player.